Every girl that I (25M) have dated or friends with, atleast once have said that I am a nice person.
The last girl(24F) I dated, told me that I am a nice person. But ultimately she moved to a different city for work and we couldn’t continue dating but are still in touch.
My current girlfriend told me that I am a sweetheart and the most nice person she have ever dated. I have met her best friends during the early stages of our dating phase. We all went for drinks and I went back together with them to their place that night. All of them told me that I seem to be a nice person and we should definitely get together. Ultimately, they vouched for me with her after I left.
Also, my other girl friends had told me that I am a nice person and a gentlemen since my college days.
I have always been told by my male friends that being a nice person is boring and it doesn’t attract women. But the opposite seems to be happening for me. So, be a nice person, give respect and be happy. Don’t be an ass by randomly getting advice from someone.
26 comments
Being nice on its own doesn’t make you attractive. They are already attracted to you for other reasons, and then they later express their surprise that you’re ALSO nice. It’s a great bonus, but not a basis for attraction. Important disctinction.
>I have always been told by my male friends that being a nice person is boring and it doesn’t attract women.
For the majority of average men, being the nice guy sets you up to just be a safety second.
So something tells me you’re above the average guy lol.
Wrong, not having an ugly face will take you a long way.
Well this guy is pretty lucky, because in my experience it never got me anywhere
This issue is that the guys that think they are “nice guys” aren’t actually nice. Your actions show that. Being nice doesn’t mean being a push over either, it’s possible to be an assertive person and also be nice. Saying you can’t get women because you are a “nice guy” is some toxic shit that should of died with the word “metrosexual”. Usually a sign someone isn’t actually nice is they tell you they are nice. The other thing is girls can smell bs way better then dudes. Girls want guys that are their own man, so if that means you are doing something because it’s not what you want but it’s because you think it’s what they want, they are gonna sniff that shit out. Girls know when you are genuine and full of it. This is where the nice guy blames the girl because he was nice, the reality is he was full of shit.
>I have always been told by my male friends that being a nice person is boring and it doesn’t attract women.
That’s because being nice is not supposed to land you an SO.
People are nice for the sake of being nice, or because that’s how they always were/are.
Holding the door for someone doesn’t mean the person owes you a date. You hold the door because that’s what you feel is right.
Being nice is its own reward.
Be nice, but not a pushover. Don’t let people run all over. Don’t let being nice be seen as being weak.
There’s a big difference between being a nice person and a good person. Being nice is ok but can lead to people taking advantage of you. Being a good person means that you will always do the right thing even if it hurts someone’s feelings.
I think kindness is very attractive to potential romantic partners. That can be a very different thing from being “nice” or “polite”.
Being nice is not a rule of attraction, you probably follow rules 1 and 2 king
I’ve experienced the opposite. I’ve been told I’m a great person both by girls, guys and adults.
In fact one girl I talked to, her grandmother LOVED me, and so did her mom. Well, the girl did not, and went back to her ex who cheated on her and has a criminal record. Her grandmother was great though XD
As I’m typing this. I remember I was over at her house a few months after she broke up with her ex the first time. Her grandmother started roasting her at the dinner table because she was still hung up on her ex and wasn’t locking me down. Super funny but super awkward in the moment.
Then another girl who Ive been friends with for years has been with this one guy who’s 13 years older than her (she’s 21 now but they met when she was 18). He’s cheated on her numerous times and treats her basically as a booty call. Yet she swears he’s going to propose to her soon. Her family hates him and thinks he’s creepy (which I agree). In that 3 years they’ve broken up I think 5 times and he’s cheated on her more times than I can count. She’s still loyal to him though because “once they’re married he’ll be better.”
So I’m my experience, the girls like the bad boys. The parents like the nice guys.
There is being a genuinely nice guy and a “nice guy.” Know the difference.
I’m always told I’m super nice and I get nowhere with women I have a lot of female friends who all reiterate that I’m a really good friend and comfortable to be around but I just don’t meet women or if I do they are already in a relationship, a lot of the time I wonder what’s wrong with me and if I’ll ever manage to find someone but it still doesn’t stop me from being a nice, friendly and good person. It’s not in my character to be horrible to someone. Unless they deserve it.
Being a good person isn’t the same as being a “nice guy”.
Really really sad how many people in this subreddit will fight you if you suggest being nice. Obviously there’s more to attraction than kindness. Maybe instead of writing a bitter reply here about how “this guy isn’t nice he’s just HOT girls LOVE MEAN GUYS DUH” go outside, touch some grass, do a kind favor for someone without expecting sex as a return. Be nice. Learn how to be a good person. Please. Some of you are so bitter and sad.
I love this and I agree! Being gentlemanly and kind will attract the right kind of women and repulse the ones you’re better off avoiding. I’ve been on both sides of this. I was brooding and rude in my college years and definitely attracted a particular kind of person.
Post-college (and a toxic relationship later) I realized that being kind is the better option. My mental health has improved dramatically when I realized I could just be nice and work through my issues rather than brood over them. I now attract and date women with that same amount of kindness and understanding. It’s been an interesting social experiment and I’m happy with the results.
That’s because you are truly nice, without any secret intentions. People can read/feel that. People hate others who are pretending to be nice to get what they want. But if you’re truly nice just because that’s the way you are People notice and they love authenticity:)
This, lads is what is referred to as bde
That good-natured, easy-going vibe is a major turn-on for women
Just my 2 cents.
Niceness is appreciated only when you’re already in a relationship. Not in early stages of dating.
Let me give you an example.
I’m dating a girl and it’s pretty early on. She calls me one day and says she urgently needs my help. I agree and go help her out. It happens a couple of times and then one day she dumps me.
Sounds like a very common story, yes? The thing is, most women take nice guys for granted and consider them needy just for being so easily available. Even if I was actually free when she asked and didn’t drop everything to rush to her.
There are very, very few women who appreciate such support and being prioritized.
Being “nice” doesn’t actually attract women. That is just a basic expectation of being a good person. What you’re really saying is, you are already an attractive person who happens to be nice.
I prefer the word kind over nice. I think it gives a better connotation. Nice just means you’ll be agreeable and you’re doing whatever action to appease someone else. Kind to me means more of a benevolence without expecting anything in return.
I think people are missing the genuine part of this. Like others have said, being kind shouldn’t be what gets you in relationships with others but being genuinely kind. You’re not just being kind to the person you are attracted to but others in your environment. Being nice to their friends, bartenders, waiters, etc. Showing that it just doesn’t start and stop with that person shows people who you truly are and want to be. What you are doing is great and keep doing what you’re doing. Glad to see there are people like you out there.
>I have always been told by my male friends that being a nice person is boring and it doesn’t attract women.
How many hookups have you had? The point of being an asshole is to get laid as much as possible. Nice guys aren’t very attractive from women pov that are searching just sex.
If however you’re searching something more long-term (not just first 2 years tops) being an asshole isn’t going to carry you long.
Pls post a selfie of yourself so I can determine how valuable this advice is.
Nice is such an overloaded word, that’s part of the problem.
It can potentially describe someone who is kind, caring, affectionate, thoughtful, supportive, friendly, pleasant, agreeable, loyal, stable and/or genuine. Any one of those qualities, many of them are seen as desirable in a romantic partner.
It can also potentially be used to describe someone who is a pushover, is unassertive or struggles to stick up for themselves or the people around them, could be boring or otherwise unassuming or uninteresting, has a hard time setting and holding personal boundaries, might be seen as lacking drive or decisiveness, potentially sees being nice as a transactional way to win approval or validation, someone who becomes resentful that just by being nice they don’t always win over the affection of other people… Many of those things fall more under the category of what gets called ‘the nice guy’ – but is still I think part of why hearing “Oh, he’s a nice guy” can start to carry a negative connotation.
So yeah, I think you’re right, there are a lot of potentially very attractive things about it. “Niceness” on its own often isn’t enough or would often be overlooked – but that doesn’t mean the response is to drop all “niceness” and start trying to act an asshole. That completely misunderstands what it is that makes “a nice guy” type unlikeable.
(One thing I’ve heard that I’ve seen to be really true, by the way, is it can be a really attractive quality to be many of those positive ‘nice’ traits directed toward your partner and the people close to you, but also be the person that is able to assert or protect against other things or people external to the relationship. It comes from a pretty traditional view of the role of masculinity, from the protector/defender/caregiver type roles – but I’d say some of the best theories on attraction I’ve seen tend to point at that for why we tend to subconsciously be drawn to certain traits)
I agree. As a kind, average-looking dude I don’t get tons of dates, but when I do it’s always a good experience. Girls generally don’t ghost me even if things end up not working out. Now I have an amazing, fun, gorgeous girlfriend who’s “way out of my league” except she isn’t actually because she likes me back. Being nice gets you very, very far in life, not just in dating.