I (21M) am soon to break up with my girlfriend (21F) of a year and a half and am worried about our mutual friends. The break-up will appear pretty sudden, as I have fallen out of love with my girlfriend and haven’t seen her all summer.
We are both best friends with a person who we’ll call Friend 1 (21F). Friend 1 and my girlfriend have known each other for three years and got closer in the last year. Girlfriend basically introduced me to Friend 1 a little less than a year ago, and since then we’ve quickly become best friends. I hang out with Friend 1 much more than my girlfriend does (even though GF and Friend 1 are in the same city this summer and I’m not) and more than I hang out with my girlfriend, and I truly believe our bond is closer. My relationship with Friend 1 isn’t tied to my relationship with my girlfriend either; I’m a solid part of Friend 1’s friend group (GF is not, but there’s some overlap), within which she’s my closest friend. I don’t often hang out with both GF and Friend 1 together, but when we do, Friend 1 and I usually end up talking to each other the most of anyone. Friend 1 has gone out of her way many times for me, including driving hundreds of miles to see me and giving me rides on short notice while I was in town. At school, we are each probably one of each other’s 3-5 closest friends.
Still, I’m scared that Friend 1 might not want to continue our relationship after this. I’ll be as civil as I can in the breakup, but I just feel so horrible about breaking up without much warning. My girlfriend is great, but we just don’t click, and I think that’s at least somewhat apparent to our mutual friends. Friend 1 is also close with one of the girlfriend roommates, and I expect that roommate to be pretty disparaging of me regardless of how things shake out.
What reassures me is that another of our mutual best friends (this one closer to me than GF and part of the Friend 1 friend group)—we’ll call her Friend 2 (21F)—will almost certainly stay close with us both. I had dated and broken up with one of Friend 2’s friends in the past (much shorter relationship, though) and she actively remained close with us both, even rooming with that ex the following year. If Friend 1 doesn’t want to speak with me, I’m confident that Friend 2 would at least stick up for me and try to keep me in the group. The other members of that friend group are not friends with my girlfriend, and I know they would also express interest in seeing me.
I feel confident that Friend 1 cares enough about our friendship that we’ll be fine, but I just can’t help but worry. I of course don’t want to take Friend 1 away from GF or anything, and I know that 1&2 will both be there for her after the breakup, but I’m so scared because of how much they mean to me. Any advice is appreciated 🙂
tl;dr – I’m about to unceremoniously dump my girlfriend and want to maintain my relationship with our mutual best friends