There’s a guy I’ve been seeing who I’m really into, but he doesn’t take very good care of himself. He’s not hygienic, smokes cigarettes, and is always saying he’s unhappy with his weight… but he doesn’t want to work out or change his diet. I’ve tried to gently give him advice to address the things he’s not happy about, but he is very resistant so I drop it.
I’m attracted to his physical appearance and he has an amazing personality, but the fact that he doesn’t take care of himself is a huge turn off. I work out a lot and live a very healthy lifestyle, and I don’t want to worry that my partner is going to hold me back or that our lifestyles will ultimately not be compatible.
Do you think I’m just being shallow? Would it be rude if I told him I’m not attracted to him because of his lack of self care? Is it wrong of me to try and “change” him so that he takes better care of himself?
4 comments
So it’s a deal breaker for you, move on.
Okay it being offensive depends on person some people take constructive criticism and use it some take it offensive u can’t tell or make someone react how u want them to react he has gotten too comfortable he knows what has to be done he lacks discipline u can’t only do things when ur motivated he doesn’t need motivation it’s already there he acknowledged it wants to change but doesn’t feel like it but the purpose of a relationship is growth if ur not trying to both improve then why am I in a relationship for + If ur unhappy by the way he is say something saying nothing isn’t gonna change anything n if he still doesn’t change leave it will either make him stay the same or he will realize when reality hits him either way say something don’t lower ur standards someone will fulfill ur standards
If you want it to work then you need to communicate your concerns to him, don’t try and be subtle as this may just go over his head. Communicate clearly what you want then it’s up to him to make the effort to change, if he doesn’t then move on
No it’s not. It’s when they curse you out about it. My one ex I told her take better care of her daughter and go back for her bachelors. She said fu and then said I’ll never see you, which I responded yes we will and we both will be bettering ourselves as I was in grad school at the time. She didn’t want to and then told me I need to get my life in order.