‼️‼️STOP SENDING PRIVATE MESSAGES, I WILL NOT RESPOND‼️‼️
My bf and I are 18 and we‘ve been together for 1,5 years. I‘d say we both have (or at least had) a high sex drive. I understand that you have sex more often in the beginning, but a few months have passed and he seems to only want sex once a week and sometimes even every other week.
He said he‘s turned off by feeling pressured, which I understand, so I stopped asking whether or not we‘d have sex before we met up. I completely stopped asking him and I want him to feel as comfortable as possible. I also told him that I don‘t expect anything to happen when I start to randomly touch hum in intimate places
Last week when I initiated and he agreed to have sex he became a bit hesitant and even admitted that he got uncomfortable for a quick moment when he looked into my eyes. He admitted to have sex with me just to make me happy (he enjoyed it though), but I feel terrible. I have no clue how he went from having a high sex drive to being seemingly asexual. I haven‘t had some significant physical changes, I have a good hygiene, neither of us watches porn and we love each other, I honestly don‘t know what to do… I‘m to afraid to talk to him again about it bc he‘ll feel pressured
10 comments
A mismatch of sex drives can put a real strain on the relationship. I know they do exist but I’ve never met or know of any guys that can go weeks without anything, so my first question, is he ok, has he experienced any trauma does he have any stresses in his life?
Second question, Is sex your only release? Do you masturbate? Or are you dependent on him?
Ask him to write you an in depth letter about how he feels, when the changes started for him, was there anything that brought it on?
Tell him to be brutally honest even if it is something to do with you personally.
Also, tell him you’ll only read it once you are alone so you can digest it all and be in a calm state when you both discuss it afterwards like grown up adults.
Now, I want to stress that this is just a thought that went through my mind and I’m in no way suggesting it is this, but it is a common thing to happen when a partner has cheated with someone and they’re either through guilt or the pressure of leading a double life it can make them not want to have sex with the person they’re living with.
But don’t dwell on that thought until you get the letter from him and see if it all adds up.
Trust me the solution is just to have sex with your partner. I know, when you’re not feeling it, the last thing you want to do is have sex. But here’s the thing: Sex begets sex. The more you have, the more you want. Both men and women have testosterone in their bodies, and when you don’t have sex for a while, your testosterone levels drop. Since testosterone is a big contributor to sex drive, that means your libido drops too. Set a sex goal with your partner. Try making a commitment to have sex thrice a week for a month and see how you both feel. And no, he doesn’t have to have an erection always, certain days let him go down on you **tichaz.com/2022/01/10/savage/** , on other days let him give you a relaxing vagina massage **tichaz.com/2022/01/10/vagina-massage/** ….if anything there is quite a lot he could do with his hands mouth and body which does not involve a penis but will surely leave you feeling like a sexual Goddess.
Before you say it – I know, I know. I felt a cringe myself when I first heard this suggestion. I thought to myself “You can’t schedule something so delicate as sex! What if I’m not in the mood? That’s for sure going to take all the passion out of it!” But it didn’t!
And here is why:
Imagine for a second you run into a good of friend of yours. You have a lovely chat over coffee and decided that you should meet again soon. But instead of scheduling your next meet up you decided to play it by ear leaving your next meeting to chance. Thankfully, you run into each other again in a few weeks, but this time you choose not to rely on luck and schedule your next coffee for next week. Both of you make a decision on a spot to make it a priority to see each other next Wednesday. Now ask yourself, is your next coffee date going to be any less exciting because it’s scheduled? Chances are you answered ‘No.’ That’s right. A planned activity is no less exciting than a non-scheduled one if you enjoy spending time with the person.
Think back to the time when you and your partner were starting to date. Didn’t you schedule your dates? Didn’t you anticipate to end up having sex on those dates? You did, didn’t you. By scheduling sex in our busy lives, we make sure we make it a priority, just like we prioritize a birthday party. Our sex lives deserve the same recognition and respect.
The recipe for regular sex is simple: get together with you partner, decide on how many times a week and what days of the week you want to prioritize your sex for, schedule it and stick with it, no ifs and buts.
When did this change occur exactly? About the time the honeymoon period ended, or a decent amount of time afterwards?
Talk to each other. Have an open conversation out of the bedroom.
A little bit food for thought:
How and when did his libido change? Is he under a lot of outside pressure?
Does he think that there is a problem? He seems to think a lower sex drive/a lower sex frequency might emasculate him?
Is this even his “default” libido and he was just very sexual in a prolonged honeymoon phase?
Are you two intimate in other ways? Maybe he feels like every touch of you is with sex in mind and that creates pressure to get into the mood?
Could he be a “responsive desire” type? Read up on that.
Do you two get off in bed, how good is your sex life? Do both of you climax regularly with each other?
How is the communication (in the bedroom and outside)? Can you share everything with each other?
Maybe you can find other ways to share intimacy/be sexual if you are horny and he isn’t (maybe you want to masturbate beside him or the both of you together). And find new ways together to initiate (both of you) and find into the mood that works for both of you.
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>I also told him that I don‘t expect anything to happen when I start to randomly touch hum in intimate places
Randomly touching him intimately without a warning or consent might not be ideal for a person who feels pressured.
Also: I’m sorry people apparently inappropriately dm you, while the internet is full of actual useful advice and help, it can also be a dark place (especially for a woman)
Turn in the people that DM you they will get banned
Start suprising him wearing lingerie, that used to work with my ex husband. Problem is, once I stopped initiating we stopped having sex
There might me a chance that he isn’t as physically attracted to you as he once was. It’s not uncommon to start losing sexual drive towards your partner specially at that age. Have a seat down with him and properly talk about the relationship and what you both want. There could be a possibility that he is attracted to someone else or he just don’t have a sexual drive.
Things like this happen, life happens. Maybe he is in a stressful period in his life. Money, jobs, your guy’s relationship, school, being young and dumb, medical issues, mental issues, family issues. All of these things can be confusing and messy at times, bleeding into your bedroom without even being realized.
This definitely seems like a porn problem on his end. Mine swore he didn’t for years, but I was in your same boat, and he finally admitted it.