We met through one of my(20F) good friends and we kinda became close as well .
First off we were talking about college one day and I told her (21F)I was registering for classes and she said she was too and ask what for and I told her social work and she literally signed up for the same classes as me and she’s now going for social work too and I also even remember her asking what college I attend online🤦🏻♀️
Everytime I tell her what’s going on my life she always come back the next day literally repeating what I told her and saying that’s what she’s up to as well. Whatever I cook she cooked “the other day “or the next time we talk she gonna make the same thing . But never show proof of cooking what I cooked 😂
The weirdest part she has copied outfits of mine my mannerism words I say and now she even copies the songs I make videos to and do the same exact facial expressions I do . She posted to her Facebook story several posts that I shared stealing my humor as well 🤦🏻♀️ idk what wrong with her or if she’s trynna compete with me but it’s getting weird . I don’t wanna say nothing because people will think im bullying an autistic person and she will too I think.
44 comments
If it’s getting weird for you, just distance yourself from her.
Tell her whats wrong in a nice way. If she get mad then distance your self but don’t burn bridges. LEAVE A PAPER TRAIL
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That sounds like borderline personality disorder. This is likely a recurring issue for your friend.
Stop thinking you’re original. There’s 8 billion people in the world. Y’all are friends, obviously you guys are gonna have similarities. Sounds like you need to take a look within yourself as to why you feel threatened. Also, just ask and not in a rude way? They probably don’t notice. And honestly, she’s probably not copying you.. you’re just paying too much attention on other people and not enough attention to yourself.
Also, there’s a thing called masking. Autism people do it to cope in the world, don’t you dare make this shit about yourself. Please humble yourself, because you became to be through the influence of other people and if it bothers you so much be private? Or are you obsessed with attention?
Make up stuff and total info diet! Stop telling her anything personal!!
This is creepy, not autism!!
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I don’t know if I have a clear answer for you – I would recommend having a conversation with her and be very direct. It may be that this is her way of trying to connect with you or is using you as a template to mask her autism (autistic people, especially women, will often mimic others mannerisms, dress ect., in an attempt to come across as more normal). My first instinct is that she is trying to be your friend but doesn’t know how/ understand how you are perceiving her actions. I wouldn’t automatically assume the worst.
If you are willing to put in some time, and are still interested in getting to know her without the intense mimicking, I would say something along the lines of “hey x, I have noticed lately that you have been doing a lot of the same things that I do (list clear examples here). I am not used to people copying me and it is making me uncomfortable. Would you be able to stop doing these things moving forward? I want to be your friend and get to know you more (only say this if you mean it, autistic folx will take you at your word and it hurts a lot when you realize allistic people use it to “let you down gently” and are not serious). But I feel like I don’t know who you are when you are mimicking me.”
Being friends with autistic folx is VERY different then allistic people. It takes a lot of work on both sides to create a good friendship because communication styles and needs are so different. Most of the time autistics feel very isolated and the effort of connection is mostly placed our shoulders. By this I mean, autistic people are supposed to “act normal” and conform rather then non-autistic people meeting us half-way and being more flexible with communication, less strict about social norms and more accepting of weirdness. I am saying this because I am feeling protective of your friend. If it is a desire for connection and friendship driving her actions it means any rejection on your part will likely hurt her a lot but it will be much better to be upfront about it.
My old buddy also did this to me and it was very awkward because I am a straight 22 (male ) and he was around the same age he even cut his hair like mine, turns out he was a little gay and had feelings for me . I support lgtbq 100%% was just awkward for me very much so
It might be autism yes, people with autism struggle with social stuff and identify sometimes, and the way they cope with it, is often copying other people since they have no idea how to do stuff themselves. I know many autistic people and many of them told me they struggled and had to observe others to learn what to do in social situations. Ofcouse they should copy from many people not just focus on one person, I would have a talk with her.
Some autistic folks are socially inept. So they mimic others just to fit in.
Or she just really looks up to you and therefore wants to be just like you.
If you want to be friends with a special needs person, you should accept them for who they are. If you can’t, then slowly and gently end the relationship.
Hey! I am autistic, and this is something especially women with autism do as a survival mechanism. We do it to blend in with our social environment, as it can often be hard to tell if we are communicating properly. I don’t take it to this extreme, but I certainly have taken my friend’s laugh (unintentionally, but I can hear it in my voice), mimicked their sense of humor and attitude (partially unintentional, partially as a way to boost my self confidence), and invested in their hobbies because they make it look cool. I got better in my 30s, but in my early 20s I was the worst, still navigating the way people communicate. It’s hard for us. We have a different style of communication and understanding of the world. I’m not going to tell you whether to put up with it or not. It’s perfectly reasonable not to. But I totally understand why your friend is this way, and she is probably aware of it, but doesn’t understand that it’s as weird as it is to allistic folks.
Have you ever read Stephanie’s Ponytail by Robert Munsch?
I would talk to her directly. Not all autistic people are the same however direct clear communication is a good place to start.
Make it clear you find this uncomfortable and why.
If it is your FRIEND you will help him to create own identity
I don’t think this is related to autism honestly. I’m autistic and I’ve had people copy me like this periodically throughout my life. It becomes very annoying and cringy. The worst of all of them is my biological mother’s daughter from another marriage. Anything I say to her she copies and does, if she finds out I’m doing something or am into something she will try to do the same, even with college classes much like your story. I avoid the person as much as possible as over the years I have given many chances and none of them ended well. I wish to have no further interaction with this person and I would suggest you do the same. In my case, the girl was diagnosed as sociopathic. I cannot speak as to what is wrong with the girl following you around however, I am not a doctor by any means. I will say this, it is my observation that some people have no sense of self and so they latch on and desperately try to emulate others. They say imitation is the greatest form of flattery but it feels in these prolonged cases more like a never ending infringement on your life and identity. Go no contact. It’s the only way to get away from all of that nonsense.
>idk what wrong with her or if she’s trynna compete with me
I’m so baffled by “idk” like lol yes you do, you know she’s autistic and she’s just…being autistic, that’s all. what she’s doing is trying to relate to you. I did this a lot as a young kid, other girls were very vicious towards me so if one was like vaguely nice to me I would change my whole personality in the hopes they would keep liking me. its not anything more than that. we aren’t a people known for our guile. competing with you would straight up never occur to us and if it did, we wouldn’t hide it like this. what an odd thing to say.
just, like, talk to her? we’re actually people so you can do that. you should just explain that you don’t like it very much even though you know she isn’t trying to upset you. stop trying to turn it into a game of 4d chess and just put 2 and 2 together here.
If it was just one or two things it would be fine, maybe flattering, but this is on a whole other level. Have you spoken to anyone about this, have people noticed this behaviour? What about the friend through who you met her, does she know about it?
If this is making you feel uncomfortable you are under no obligation to continue the friendship. I would advise you to limit the information she sees on social media from you. Limit time with her irl. It is very possible that after a while she will lose interest and maybe move on to someone else or hopefully actually address her issues.
Maybe you and your friend could talk about this with her directly, but again, if you are the one being made to feel uncomfortable, you are under no obligation whatsoever
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Maybe put her on an information diet or use some misdirection. If she’s really creeping you out, stop being friends with her.
I would look up information on females with autism because what your describing sounds pretty in line with how females with autism cope, “camouflage”, “mask” or do what is called “mirroring”.
“”Women with Asperger profiles can experience co-occurring mood disorders and often internalize feelings of frustration and failure. Starting in adolescence, they have high rates of depression and anxiety — 34 and 36 percent, respectively. A few studies have also found an compelling overlap between autism and eating disorders such as anorexia, although the studies are too small to estimate how many women have both.
Females with ASD’s often develop “coping mechanisms” that can cover up the intrinsic difficulties they experience. They may mimic their peers, watch from the sidelines, use their intellect to figure out the best ways to remain undetected, and they will study, practice, and learn appropriate approaches to social situations. Sounds easy enough, but in fact these strategies take a lot of work and can more often than not lead to exhaustion, withdrawal, anxiety, selective mutism, and depression. – Dr. Shana Nichols “”
https://www.aane.org/women-asperger-profiles/
“Copy & Paste’ – Hidden Asperger’s Girls with Aspergers: Niamh McCann
https://singjupost.com/copy-paste-hidden-aspergers-girls-with-aspergers-niamh-mccann-transcript/
“”Older girls, and those with milder forms of autism, seem to be able to copy what their peers are doing and try to work hard to ‘fit in’ with their friends.””
https://www.aruma.com.au/about-us/blog/autism-in-girls-how-is-it-different/
“”Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that can result in differences in communication, social interaction, information processing, and behavior.””
“”
1. Mirroring
Autistic females may be more likely than males to copy other people’s mannerisms, speech patterns, or personas, says Kaye-O’Connor.
“Sometimes this form of masking is automatic and instinctual, and the autistic person may not even realize they are copying others.”
https://psychcentral.com/autism/signs-of-autism-in-girls#signs-of-autism-in-girls-and-women
“”##‘Neurotypical’ interaction and its consequences The motivation for masking was found to be foremost the desire to fit in and create connections with others (6, 2). Masking can contribute to achieving socially desirable outcomes such as making friends, improving social status, and performing better in job interviews (2). Camouflaging or using social imitation strategies includes imitations like “making eye contact during conversation, using learned phrases or pre-prepared jokes in conversation, mimicking other’s social behaviour, imitating facial expressions or gestures, and learning and following social scripts” (1). These masking or compensation strategies are often very exhausting and come at a cost. Masking requires a substantial cognitive effort (6), which can be exhausting and may lead to “increased stress responses, meltdown due to social overload, anxiety and depression, and even a negative impact on the development of one’s identity” (1).
The demands of masking may be one reason that it’s been demonstrated that autistic women are more likely to experience internalised challenges, like anxiety and depression, than men who are more likely to have external difficulties, such as hyperactivity and behavioral challenges. Additionally, studies indicate that females are more likely than males to receive a misdiagnosis of other mental health conditions, such as personality disorders or eating disorders. Yet another reason why masking and social imitation strategies may lead to either missed or late diagnoses (2).
Late-diagnosed individuals tend to suffer from concurrent mental health challenges, potentially related to long-term stress due to social overload in adaptation to daily life in neurotypical-centered society (1).””
https://www.tiimoapp.com/blog/art-of-masking-women-with-autism/
[I’m pretty sure I have autism myself, just never been officially diagnosed.]
“oh, plans for next week? yeah, I’m moving to yemen~”
Seems harsh I know but I would cut her off, a clean break. That should do it.
Please stop being so stuck up. You can possibly think it’s funny that an autistic person is trying to find a sense of identity by mimicking you. It seems like the only reason you’re friends with her is because you wanna feel better about yourself
She thinks you’re awesome and is trying to connect by being into all the same things as you. A bit of constructive feedback can probably fix this.
Gently tell her that some of her behaviour is coming across as inappropriate and you’d like her to stop. Be specific and direct – if you drop hints that she isnt able to interpret then both of you will end up frustrated.
Also talk about what you like about her own personality and interests. And what behaviours she does that strengthen the friendship.
It sounds like your friend may have much stronger feelings regarding you than you realize. As with many autistic people, she probably has no idea what to do with them. I know it’s not something someone normal would do, but because you’re talking to someone autistic, it’s probably fine just talk to them about it. Just act like you’ve noticed and you’re curious about what’s going on, without judging her, and you can probably have a very good discussion about it. Start with a joke, like saying every time you see her it’s like looking in a mirror 😊.
On the flip side, many autistic people are born without the ability to connect the dots socially, and this translates into not understanding social cues, or how body language works.
When I was about 18 I would copy facial expressions, mannerisms, and body language from people I saw as socially competent and use them as my own to express myself in the situations where I thought they were appropriate. It honestly took me years to get to the point where my mannerisms came across as naturally mine.
It could be that she views your life as “normal” and is wanting to “fit in”. (As per my autistic 24yr old nephew)
All I can tell you is to watch “[Single White Female](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Single_White_Female)”.
The Fielder Method.
If you’re not enjoying this friendship you’re not obligated to continue. Why don’t you just slowly stop being friends with her. Always be busy when it comes to one on one’s but be nice if you see her in groups settings.
Also stop telling her about yourself. Look up the grey rock method.
Alternatively, speak with the friend who introduced you about your concerns and come up with a plan to kindly but directly communicate with this girl. Sometimes autistic people need to be told things very directly. No beating around the bush. Part of the condition is related to lower social skills and a lack of understanding what’s appropriate. For eg. my 12 yr old nephew is autistic and he asked my sister/his mom what french kissing was, then asked her if she would show him how. It was totally innocent, he just doesn’t have a clue with some of this stuff.
Okay, so these comments are not fucking it.
Hey, hi, hello. I’m autistic. I suffer severely with social situations, and I tend to mirror my friends- But i’m also self-aware enough to realize when it’s getting fuckin weird. Which this is.
But she isn’t the only one in the wrong, you need to sit her down and have a conversation with her if you feel uncomfortable.
Literally 90% of social issues could be fixed by communication, and it’s asinine. I’ve been to therapy for awhile, and learning that one rule has saved my ass so many times. Maybe it’s the end of the friendship, maybe not. But you need to talk to her, not mock her.
Unless she is actively trying to like sabotage you or hurt you in any way, I would just be flattered that she is emulating you. Especially if she is autistic. Now I would still talk to her, but instead of saying “stop copying me” I would encourage her to figure out her own interests and identity.
Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Autism is a way of being where your mirror neurons don’t work the same as others. I’m going to speak frankly here – autistic people deeply want to be a part of the group and heard, but at the same time often lack the tools that create social bonding, they can’t look people in the eye, they are extremely logical and sarcasm will often be taken literally, and much of this is because they literally lack the mirror neurons to connect the way most humans do.
Autistic people can be quite annoying. Some appear and behave in a way that mirrors narcissism- they’re not narcissists but it can look like it. Dominating conversation trying to have their voice heard because that’s all they’re looking for like all of us, validation.
She’s copying you because she deeply admires you, and trusts in what you’re doing in life and figures if she follows your recipe then she can have the same success as you.
I think it’s beautiful that she’s copying you, she looks up to you. But at the same time, are you looking to be a role model? That can be a fulfilling role to play. But also you need to be mature.
Tough balance honey but empathy is your friend here – look at life from her eyes it will open up yours and help you both connect.
I think you need to handle this carefully. She probably has trouble connecting with people, she likes you and unfortunately it is common for autistic people to obsess about a person or thing, they find social cues and facial expressions difficult so they do often copy others as a survival mechanism, I am sure she does not mean to creep you out or to make you uneasy at all. Sit her down gently and tell her that doing X,y or z, makes you feel uncomfortable and ask is there a way you can help her to explore her own style as opposed to copying you.
It may be time to start opening up distance between the pair of you. Start with a info diet, don’t tell her things you don’t want her to repeat, change your fb settings, etc.
Try not to blame her too much, copying others’ behaviour is very common for autistic women. Basically you don’t innately know how to behave in a socially acceptable way so you emulate others whom you admire. I think I’ve done this on a subconscious level for so long that I no longer know what my true personality is like…
I have autism and used to do this because I thought people were cool. Please just talk to her if it creeps you out. I would have appreciated it so much if someone just talked to me about it. The thing with autism is you never really know how your actions are perceived so please just communicate. You’re allowed to be uncomfortable about it, it’s not bullying an autistic person to establish boundaries with her. But just do it in a mature way.
Usually when people who don’t “fit” in or are very insecure tend to copy someone that they admire or perceive has “normal” so that they themselves can be “normal” because they think everyone see that person the way they see the person so try to understand her POV.
That’s my analysis I might be wrong since I don’t know that person.
I would advise you to listen to what autistic people are saying. You are valid in feeling uncomfortable. My advise is to talk to your friend and explain that what she’s doing is making you uncomfortable. You are also allowed to end the friendship if she continues.
I dunno if it’s the autism or she just looks up to you as a role model. Maybe she’s really impressed by you and wants to be just like you, not wear your skin lol
Imitation is the highest form of flattery. It’s slightly cringey but show some empathy that someone who doesn’t have the social skills that you possess can’t realise that they’re being weird.
I want to point out that you only recently met. Instead of being like “wow this person is similar to myself and we share common interests” you jump straight to “they’re stealing my entire identity” . wtf?
Tell her you’ve taken up a heroin habit lately , the rest should sort itself.