this is hella long i’m sorry, very basic tldr at the bottom
when we first met, we both lived in different suburbs of atlanta. i still lived with my parents and he lived with roommates. his roommate situation was not good, they had like six cats they couldn’t properly care for, a german shepherd, and randomly brought home a husky one day as well. the husky was never properly trained and peed all over the house, roommates never cleaned the kitchen or anything else, really. i saw the place, it was really bad.
i encouraged him to move back in with his parents while trying to look for something else. it took him a lot of convincing to get him out of that situation, he seems to be just comfortable where he is and really doesn’t like change.
anyhow, he went back to his parents and it was way less gross and he felt better. pretty quickly, i moved in with him there.
we had the entire upstairs to ourselves, a kitchen, living, bedroom, and washer/dryer. but still, i kept pushing to move into our own place somewhere. this took an enormous amount of convincing, and i had my heart really set on inside the perimeter of atlanta. we moved into an apartment complex five minutes from his parents house. it was not at all what i wanted to do, but i figured better than nothing.
we were there for nearly a year, i liked living on our own. covid ended up happening and i lost my job, so we cut our lease and moved back in with his parents while we waited for everything to cool down. this was okay with me at this point, i decided i could use this time and unemployment money to put myself through cosmetology school. it was nice not to have to worry about rent while i was doing this.
halfway through finishing school, his parents decided to sell their house and buy a new one. we were planning on going with them for the time being, but still intending to look for our own place. we’ve been at the new house (which is further from the city than the first one) for about a year now, and i’m tired. i’m done with school, i’ve got a job closer to the city, and i can’t shake the feeling of wanting to be out of the suburbs.
one of my coworkers just got a house and is looking to rent out two rooms. my best friend is renting one, and i’m trying so hard to get my husband to rent the other room. it’s the perfect location, where i’ve always wanted to be. it’s one neighborhood over from my favorite neighborhood in the whole city. it’s a nice area. the same drive i have from work now. we pay his parents $700 a month, this would be around $600 (utilities included). this is as good of a price you can get in the city right now and i think it would be silly of us not to take it.
he says we’ve been staying with his parents for cheap so we can save up for our own spot, but we’d be theoretically saving even more living in this new place.
the cons for him are: his work drive would go from 20 minutes to nearly an hour. i understand this sucks, but mine has been 45 minutes for the past year, plus he could try to transfer somewhere closer (he works at a popular car dealership).
we would all share one bathroom. i agree this mega sucks, like i totally get it. but he wakes up earlier than anyone else would so he’d always have his designated shower, the rest of us are night showerers. as far as having to generally use the bathroom, we’d just all have to be respectful and try and give a heads up if we are going to take a minute in there.
he has a pc gaming set up, and we have a whole room for it upstairs at his parents house, but the hopeful roommates have said he can have a designated portion of the dining space for that.
he would have roommates, which he really doesn’t want to do again. i get it, his last roommates sucked really bad, but i know and work with both of these people. i’ve been to their places. they’re not gross or animal hoarders or partiers.
aside from all of that, he said he simply doesn’t want to. he said that he understands how much i want this and he feels bad but he just doesn’t want to do it. i told him that that’s how i’ve felt about our living situation for the past five years, so why not just give it a chance?
i currently pay him $150 for our rent since he makes a lot more than me. i told him that i wanted this so badly i would scrounge and pay the full rent and he could go stay at his parents whenever he wanted to not have as far of a drive to work.
he said that if i want it bad enough, he would be okay (but sad) if i wanted to move myself there. but we’re like, married. is that even allowed?? i don’t care about being conventional or whatever but i would really miss him so much and i don’t want to be apart from him, i want him there with me. what should i do? just suck it up and continue living somewhere i hate probably forever? or at least what feels like forever? or live separately from my husband? and be somewhere i love??
i will also add that we’ve been planning on buying a house when the market gets better. he says he wants to own not rent, but we’re renting now, why not rent there for basically the same amount? it was my understanding that we were working on our credit and he’s working to pay off his debt (about $10000). when i brought this all up, he got upset saying that we were going to be buying a house in about a month so why do all this moving now? but that’s the first i’m hearing of this month long timeline. i think he’s scared and comfortable.
i want to add that the current city we live in is actually legitimately where squidbillies is set. i’m trying to be as impartial and unbiased as possible with this post, but i cannot explain enough how much i absolutely hate where we live.
tldr: husband is happy staying in suburbs, i’m not. great renting opportunity in the city that is cheaper than what we currently pay but refuses to take it, even though i’ve lived where he wanted to for five years. help
3 comments
It seems like the only selling point for the new place is the location. Dramatically reduced space, one shared bathroom, and a major change in commute. You are basically moving into a college dorm room. I get that you hate the location you are in now, but is there really no other alternative?
If I was your husband I wouldn’t want to make that move either. There has to be something more in the middle of what you both want. In the end it is going to depend on whether your relationship or the living arrangements are more important. You also have to consider what happens if something unexpected happens. I doubt you can afford that apartment on a cosmetologists salary with his debt. What happens if he loses his job? You get pregnant or get a pet? There’s a lot to think about, I urge you to just not make a hasty decision because you hate your living arrangement right now.
Surely there’s a location you can compromise to? It sounds like you’d be downgrading your living situation significantly- you’ll be getting a lot less space and you won’t even have your own bathroom, and all you save out of that is $100.
Living in the city is an expensive luxury; you should be realistic about what you can afford that’ll be comfortable for you both. $600/month for that would be amazing for a fresh college grad, but you’re almost in your 30s. It’s totally understandable that your husband doesn’t want to live in the equivalent of a college dorm room.
Also, it’s a super bad time to be looking to rent in the city. Prices are massively inflated right now. Most of the apartments around me cost more than my house does, even including taxes insurance and utilities, and they’re half the size
It sounds like you’re used to getting your way/calling the shots and now you’re mad he’s not going along with yet another move you’re insisting on. You need to learn to compromise instead of always getting your way.
You really can’t see why he doesn’t want roommates/less space? You’re thinking only about what YOU want. That’s not how marriage works. What he wants matters too.
I can’t think of anything I’d want less than to move me and my husband in with a bunch of other people.
Learn to work together or your marriage isn’t going to last. His wants and opinions count too.
You already got him to move several times. He’s allowed to say no.
If this apartment is more important than your partner’s feelings — then move out without him. Otherwise, find a compromise. You should be making decisions together.