for some back story, we have been dating for about 4 1/5 months. my girlfriend is fully out with her family and decent amount of people she knows, while i am only out to a few people that know me. she had missed some amount of school due to covid and did school online but she is now currently fully back entering her last year in high school. with the goal of having the most fun possible, but she is now deciding to go back in the closet, putting on this straight basic girl facade so that she can fit in with her new friends and not be hated on by others. which i fully respect and understand. even though most people at school already know she’s gay and we are dating, she’s just hiding it from a select amount of people.
we were kinda able to see eachother a bit during this summer, and it was amazing. whenever we could we would make plans with her mom or just us, and it felt exhilarating. but it was never really at each other’s houses since my mom is homophobic and strict, and her grandparents are a bit iffy on having me around lol.
and now the first week of school started, and it was hell. we rarely bump into each-other due to class routes, and usually only for 5 minutes before and after school. i thought acting just like friends would be easy, and effortless to pull off. well it is for her at least… but it feels like that relationship we have is becoming weird, or it’s as if we are really just friends now instead of actually dating. like even when we are texting at home i feel like she’s not returning the love she once gave. or even when we are alone or away from peoples sights, it’s as if she’s still scared and puts distance. we’ve talked about it a bit through this week, and i’m the only one feeling sad about the whole thing. she said that she has a difficult time expressing romantic gestures due the anxiety of people finding us out gives her. then she even brought up that if this is getting too hard for me we can just really become friends until the school year ends. but just the thought of it gave me an anxiety attack last night. the last thing i want is for us to break up.
and one of her close friend is homophobic, and doesn’t know she is gay. my gf seems to like her and want to stay friends with her. since she’ll feel alone in classes without come one to talk to, so there’s an unlikely probability she’ll be telling her we are dating or breaking off their friendship. and her friends doesn’t like me, so hanging out with them during lunch or events is a hard no go. plus my girlfriend has dance mon-wed during the afternoons after school. so being able to hangout any other times is difficult…
i’ve just felt lonely and confused about this whole week, and don’t know what we can do to make things better for each-other. she’s been asking me for solutions to our problem, but i have absolutely zero. she promised she’ll make things up to me after she graduates and leaves for college, where we both can be more free and expressive of our relationship. but i don’t know how i’ll be able to get through this year first.
what can i do to mend our relationship? or what could i tell her to keep our relationship flourishing?
tldr; our relationship feels off due to school and being secret
2 comments
>and one of her close friend is homophobic, and doesn’t know she is gay. my gf seems to like her and want to stay friends with her.
Lots of red flags here.
I’d break up with her just for this alone.
>even though most people at school already know she’s gay and we are dating, she’s just hiding it from a select amount of people.
Who is she hiding from and why does she want to do this?
Relationships with unequal closeting are never going to work. One day you’ll find someone proud to be with you. This is not going to be her. You can’t see this because you’re in it but the longer you stay the more damage it will do to your relationship with yourself. It is not worth it. Please trust me.