I’m trying to find someone to marry. I’ve used dating apps and found two women who are looking for marriage as well.
I have better chemistry with the promiscuous one (long distance relationship; met her in March of 2022. We see each other every month), but her past haunts me. She lied to me about one of her guy friends (they hang out alone sometimes), saying they’re just friends and were never involved with each other. But after a few months, I was able to get the truth out of her that they did date for about a month a few years ago and had sex, but since then, have remained friends. I told her I’m not cool with her hanging out with him again and she said she won’t.
She also had a FWB since 2020 who she went to see anytime she was single. She claims they haven’t seen each other since we’ve been together, but who knows. She also mentioned one time after sex if I’d accept a woman who cheats on me as long as she doesn’t leave me, which I found a little odd.
On the other hand, I’ve met this other woman (met her in May 2022) who claims to be a virgin. I had my doubts, since she’s a good looking girl, but after we kissed, I quickly realized that she may be telling the truth. She has no idea how to kiss (but I’ll gladly teach her) and seems a little shy. It’s just not the same chemistry I feel with her. She’s great but I find it hard to hold a conversation sometimes.
But I worry about my decision. If I choose the promiscuous one, will I be sleeping with one eye open the rest of my life? And if I choose the virgin, will I be happy with a woman who I don’t connect with well?
TL;DR – Should I pick the promiscuous girl who I get along with better or the virgin who I don’t have as much chemistry with?
18 comments
It’s too bad there are no other women in the entire world.
Do either of these women want to marry you?
If you want an active sexual partner, your partner needs to have been actively sexual in the past. Everyone wants a good lover until she has done something with someone before she even knew you, and then suddenly she’s “promiscuous” 🙄
Do everyone a favor and pick neither.
I am confused.
You won’t let the “promiscuous” one see other people and you are scared she may cheat.
BUT
To have both people willing to marry you this means that you have been dating them simultaneously.
You cannot have your cake and eat it to bro.
Ok so that virgin is definitely more work. You’ll have a much easier life and marriage with the “promiscuous” one bc she won’t need to learn how to be in a relationship/how to be physically affectionate.
You might think that you won’t mind teaching the virgin until that grown woman doesn’t want to let go of her virginity bc it’s become an integral part of her personhood.
Of course, this is not to say that has to be the case, but generally a virgin is a bigger red flag than someone with experience ime
You’re going to let Reddit help you make this choice?
Yikes, dude.
The fact that you are comparing women based purely on their sexual history shows you’re nowhere near ready for marriage.
It’s extremely misogynistic to value a woman based on their sexual experience, and having a large amount of sexual experience doesn’t mean someone is less trustworthy or less deserving of love.
“Purity” is a myth, and “virginity” isn’t real and is super toxic as a concept.
The way you view these women is so gross. You’ve reduced both of them down to their sexual histories and are then judging them for it.
“But her past haunts me”. What about your past? Is she allowed to question your sexual history and then ask you to make changes for her comfort? Are either of these women aware you are at the point of PROPOSING to another woman while you’re talking to both of them?
You do not sound mature enough to be in an actual relationship. Do both of these women a favour and leave them alone.
*Do I [31M] Pick the Promiscuous One [29F] or the Virgin [29F] for Marriage?*
Goodness gracious and have mercy. I can’t even…
Yikes on bikes. You’re treating this like your backpack broke and you HAVE to buy another one and only have two options left at the store. Relationships aren’t like that.
There is more to women and relationships than sexual history alone.
I’d say trust is a huge component of healthy relationships, so while I disagree with your sentiment that someone who dated a friend once and/or once had a FWB is “promiscuous”, if you can’t trust her, you have no basis for a solid and stable relationship.
Also, you doubt a woman can choose to be a virgin just because she is attractive? It’s giving off very “women are objects of men’s affection/gaze/desire” vibes.
Thirdly, you’ve been dating two women for the past five-ish months, presumably sleeping with one of them, expecting them both to be loyal/monogamous to you, and think that’s enough to decide who to marry? You haven’t even spent time in a committed relationship with either. Maybe try that first.
Weird criteria you’re harping on given that you don’t know either of them more than 6 months.
Having a fwb and dating a friend doesn’t make you promiscuous. Even if she was, that doesn’t mean you have to sleep with one eye open.
Your views on women are pretty disgusting frankly.
This is disgusting. Please don’t marry them or any woman ever.
Are you choosing a girl to marry just on the state of their vagina? Is it for real? What century are you living in?
This is a tough situation. You’re dating two women who you don’t trust, both of whom should not trust you since you’re cheating on both of them. I think the best path forward is for you to end both relationships, and leave women alone until you can recognize they they’re people and not props for your bizarre little marriage fantasy.
Why do you call her promiscuous?? Because she had sex with others before she met you? That’s ridiculous, you are the the one dating with other women.
I’m sorry; are you a real human being who posted this?
Because all I see is stuff that could only be written by an ass who doesn’t deserve any woman.
First tell both of them you’ve been seeing the other at the same time. Because you should be 100% honest with a potential life partner. Then date the one that stays, if either do, for another year or two and then decide if you truly love them and feel totally compatible with them before making a decision to propose.
If you don’t like that approach then maybe negotiate with both their fathers and see who will give you his daughter for the fewest number of cows.