**Update**
Thank you everyone for your feedback and advice!
I went to my gym class. I went to the earlier class and I ignored him while he was in his class and did other lifting work in another part of the gym. (My kid was in kid gym class that runs concurrently with the adult gym class) He did not try to engage in any contact with me. He was doing a free trial at the gym- he had met one of the instructors at a local event. Thankfully it was a coincidence he was at my gym (What a small world!!! A little too small in this case) and not stalking. I did let the class instructors for the day know what was going on though. He told them he is trying out a lot of different gyms. Luckily for him, there are more than a dozen gyms in a 10 mile radius.
**TL;DR;** In 2019, my ex broke up with me and I went no contact because he cheated on me for 6 months. He kept trying to contact me and I kept blocking him. He’s going to be in the same gym class that I am attending tomorrow. I am not giving up my gym time. I don’t want to interact with him and I want him to leave me alone. How should I handle it?
My ex dumped me in June of 2019 then showed up not even a week later with another woman to an event where my kid and I were supposedly attending with him so we could all see his kid in a performance. At that point I went no contact with him which was the right call because within a month, I found out he had been cheating on me since January of 2019 with the woman he brought to the event. That apparently started around the same time he kept accusing me of cheating on him (I had never cheated on him and he kept accusing me…apparently he was projecting while I was trying so damn hard to prove that I wanted to make our relationship work)! The best part was that I found out because the affair partner went around telling people that my ex and I are mutual friends with that she had been seeing him on and off for 6 months and they were getting serious now!!! Lol. I blocked his fool ass on EVERYTHING and he kept trying to contact me, saying we should do so to keep on supporting each other’s kids. Naw, bro, I don’t need your toxic, lying, cheating ass around my kid. I miss his kid because his kid was and probably still is freaking awesome, but I was not and am not going expose me or my kid to a manipulative liar. The funny thing is at the beginning of our relationship he said that any relationship should start and end with respect- yeah, he forfeited any amount of respect when he cheated on me. There was NO reason for me to interact with him. I did not and still do not have anything to say to him.
The silver lining of my lying cheating ex breaking up with me is that I met my current boyfriend a couple of months afterwards. My current boyfriend is the best partner I have ever had, hands down.
I blocked my sleazy ex on everything to the point where he tried to contact me through my work email and on LinkedIn. The most recent time he tried to contact me was for a fundraiser this past February. That email only got through because it was through the fundraiser’s email. I have never responded to any of the messages and have blocked him every time. I don’t think he ever realized that I found out that he had been cheating on me while we were together.
The gym that I have belonged to since 2018 has a sign up system for classes. I go to sign up today for a class that is tomorrow and what do I see? My slimy, cheating, asshole ex is signed up for the same class. I love my gym and I am not going to miss a class because of his sorry ass but I also have no intention of interacting with him at all. We had visited the gym together while we were still together. I joined after we broke up, he did not. It is all supposition with no backing, but I am theorizing that he is up in my business again because the affair partner broke up with him at the beginning of the year and has a new man. Also, while he is blocked from my social media and all other forms of contact, my gym does post on Instagram and I have been in several of their recent Instagram posts/stories/reels because of some of the events that I have participated in at the gym. I am considering what actions to take tomorrow. The options are, but aren’t limited to: Dead ass ignore him, act cordial and civil, or call his cheating ass out and tell him upfront to stay the fuck away from me. Of course, to make things more complicated, both our kids will probably be there for the kid’s class at the gym. I don’t want to upset the kids, and I also want him to know that I have not and do not ever want anything to do with him ever again.
3 comments
My vote is ignore him. If he approaches, maintain a disinterested affect. If he won’t let up, just say something like your philosophy is that the bad makes you appreciate the good, and the bad partner he was makes you appreciate what you have now, and you’re not interested in any further discussion.
don’t go, I know its not your preferred option but he will not ignore you and create drama, just go next week if you find out he is not going.
How did you find out he is going?
Dead ass ignore him. As if you don’t even remember him.
If absolutely necessary, tell him that you believe you have been clear in the past, and do not wish to speak to him. Pick a quick, short sentence to express this and practice saying it in front of the mirror as emotionally neutrally as possible. Don’t insult him. Don’t try to be clever. Don’t get baited by any of his questions. Don’t deviate from your script. Repeat it a few times if necessary, same words, deadpan. Give him nothing to work with.
If he persists, let the gym know he has years-long pattern of trying to contact you. They might do nothing, but definitely lean on them to understand they are being used as a tool by your abuser to gain access to you.