So, I (19F) have this coworker (~22M) that started working the same position as me a little more than a month ago (I’ll call him T in this story to prevent confusion).
When he first arrived I didn’t want to be attracted to him at all because I was dealing with another relationship issue or two (one of which will be addressed below). I also don’t really understand how relationships work or how to take the step to be in one, so I thought liking him after meeting him and just holding a few simple conversations with him seemed extreme, but I really did/do want to get to know him.
But, recently about a week or two ago I asked my friend to reach out to H, another coworker (~30M) in the same position as me who is close to T. H told her that T doesn’t like me, apparently because I’m “too innocent”, mentioning beforehand that I’m cute but I don’t have to cater to others because both him and T don’t like that. Of course, my judgment of whether or not to believe this was clouded and I was mostly thinking this was H’s way of being spiteful due to what transpired before this.
Long story short, H told me he liked me and finds me attractive, but I tried to keep our relationship professional because I didn’t feel the same for obvious reasons.
So, before H texted my friend that he/T didn’t like me for said reasons, he said that our manager knows this too. I would’ve disregarded H’s response, had he not used our manager as an alibi, and since I know my manager likes me a lot more than H and even T, I have no reason not to believe it. I believed so for a bit without even asking her for certainty in person and when I finally did ask our manager, she told me T said something along the lines of that he wasn’t looking for a relationship right now.
To be honest, both reasons for not liking me aren’t making much sense to me. I could understand if he meant, I’m too childish instead of that I’m too nice and/or “innocent” because innocence is something H is obsessed with addressing, so it wouldn’t be too far-fetched if those were H’s words and not T’s.
Then, there’s what he told both H and our manager (I’m guessing when they were all in some setting together); I’ve often seen that when someone says that they aren’t looking for a relationship right now, it’s just cause they don’t want to be in one with that person. And, even though this all wasn’t said to my face that’s what this all, somehow, feels like – that he just plain doesn’t like me.
However, the only reason I haven’t completely backed down is cause I’m really on the fence about this. I don’t understand why he told my boss that because it seems like he gives room for possibility, at least that’s what my boss thinks.
And when I think of all the nice little moments we had, like when he invited me to take my break with him after we worked together for a bit (or maybe I invited myself) and when he randomly speaks to me cause he’s “bored” but it always puts a smile on my face when he does, I keep thinking maybe there is room for possibility.
But, apparently the day he got back from his vacation, he told H (which I was told by my friend) that I was avoiding him and about how I slept on my lunch break and was “wandering around” during work. I meant to avoid him, sure, because I was upset about the thought of him not liking me (as selfish as it sounds) but I didn’t. Not in the same manner as I do to H. I was still speaking to him like normal, smiling when he spoke to me like normal, and kind of looking around for him. I just wasn’t at the max capacity that day because I was exhausted and spent the day bouncing around the place instead of being fully invested in my job like I usually do. And, not to give me any brownie points, but I even said bye to him before I left work.
I can’t tell if he just thought this because I asked why he doesn’t just go do his job somewhere else because there’s nothing to do where we were, but I honestly asked it cause I wanted to know if he just wanted to be around me or something.
I found out though that my friend had also replied to H telling him to give her advice; T shouldn’t speak to me unless he wants a relationship cause he’s confusing me. She wants the best and I know she’s probably right to say that we should just completely leave each other alone, but I honestly just want want to at least maintain a simple coworker relationship: We exchange greetings, maybe talk about a few small things and that’s all there is to it. I have these relationships with multiple people at my job, so I can tell the difference in discussion. And the fact that I’m being discussed outside of work makes this all seem different if I’m making sense. Since, I’m sure that our other 2 coworkers in our position aren’t talked about or even interacted with in the same manner as I feel like I am, considering that they, supposedly, dragged my boss’ name through the mud in front of another manager she’s in good sorts with.
I feel like I may be trying to give the reasoning for his actions so I can justify feeling this way. In a few days, I’m going to be going on vacation, and T put in an LOA for the fall so I don’t think I’ll see him when I get back.
Should I just tell him I basically like/liked him, or do I just forget about it?
TLDR; I liked my coworker and am confused if I still do after being told by the people around me that he doesn’t like me, but the entire situation gives me mixed signals so I don’t know whether to ask if I could get to know him sometime or not before he leaves.