I met a nice man while travelling recently, he invited me to a date and I was quite looking forward to it as the initial conversation was nice.
Then, he changed the day on me couple of days in advance – I was cool with it since I felt he gave me plenty of notice.
I used this as an opportunity to tell him that the date change is ok and that I appreciate 24 hours of notice and would prefer to avoid last minute changes.
Afterwards, on the day of the date, 2 hours before the agreed time, he wanted to make the date 1 hour later due to him running “errands”.
At this point, I was super irked – I already told him I don’t appreciate last minute changes, which he agreed with yet still went ahead with trying to delay the date due to what I assume was his poor planning of the day.
This wouldn’t be so much of a big deal, but life has taught me that when people reveal themselves I should believe them. Even the smallest red flags reveal a lot about a person from the get go. Also it was extra annoying because I specifically said I don’t appreciate last minute changes.
I’m at a point in my life (F33) where I don’t want to waste any time whatsoever with people who don’t respect my time nor agreement.
So I cancelled on the date and on him.
Would you have cancelled?
12 comments
Yes if I specifically stated I don’t like this thing, then they do that thing? Fuuuuuck that. No chance in hell I would still go out with them.
Cancel and move on.
If you look for red flags, you’ll find them in everyone, including yourself.
So at 4 he asked if you could meet at 7 instead of 6 or something like that?
I guess it depends on how important those errands were. If he was picking up dry cleaning and it was delayed and that’s the shirt he was going to wear or something like that, I’d say give that a pass.
Maybe he wasn’t running errands but he was just nervous and needed some extra time to calm his nerves?
I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt here and I could be wrong but I’d have at least asked him what he was doing, just out of curiosity, and then made a judgment call based on that.
On the plus side, it was considerate of him to give you a couple hours notice rather than being late.
Lastly, I don’t know what your life goals are like but if you want to have kids, you’ll have to just get used to last-minute stuff. That’s just how shit goes with kids. If you can’t adapt to quickly changing circumstances, that’s going to be a tough way to live.
Tbh, yeah i would’ve. That’s a clear boundary and it was broken. It could’ve been an honest mistake (highly doubt it tho), but it sounds like him truly testing your boundary. In this case you haven’t lost anything and potentially dodged a bullet. Rest easy in your decision.
Thank goodness he doesn’t have to deal with you he dodged a bullet 😮💨
Yeah, it’s clear he sucks at managing his time. I’d be annoyed as hell too and cancel
Yes
His behavior was intentional
You don’t need that
You sound petty as fuck
Yes I would do that.
You explicitly said you don’t like last minute changes, and then he did a last-minute change.
That’s your line in the Sand , so stand by it.
Nah boo. This ain’t it. He didn’t cancel the date he asked to meet an hour later. If your day has never gotten away from you then you are BLESSED (read lucky)!
I think you were too harsh but seeing as he doesn’t have military style time management skills, he probably isn’t the right guy for you (and you are definitely not the right person for him).
Absolutely. You were understanding the first time. The second time he could have saved some of his errands for after your date. You shouldn’t have to sit around and wait for him. Next.
I mean, if it’s that big of a deal to you go ahead and cancel. I and I assume most others would just push back and hour but do you