EDIT: She is not a coworker. She was a coworker’s plus-one (girl friend).
My (F40) bf sat there and talked to her the entire night. It was a work function so I had to mingle. I’d come back to the table occasionally and sit down, and he would make efforts to include me but wow. She was really laying it on thick. And I just sat there. It doesn’t help that I’ve gained weight, and she is in great shape.
At the end of the night we all went to a bar, which I half-jokingly told him it was to chaperone and that I didnt trust that woman. He said yeah I don’t either. I should have said something then or taken us home.
We get to the bar, lo and behold they end up across from each other (I’m next to him). They’re talking. She is just so bubbly and laughing at everything. At some point he asks her who her top 3 celebrity crushes are. She mentions someone, he says oh yeah that guy is handsome I can admit that. She says “Oh yeah we can BOTH do him!!!” And gives him a high five…Then she essentially tells my bf that he’s her type (by saying she’s into a certain look, like this celebrity, which my bf has).
That was it. I downed my drink, got up without a word and went to gather my things. He popped up pretty quick to come over, asked if I was leaving, I said “Yup.” He asked if I was upset. I said “Yup.” He ended up taking off for home before I did, and when I got there I unloaded on him. I’ve never felt so disrespected and humiliated. And in front of work people. That he sat there and essentially was on a date with this woman all night who shamelessly threw herself at him in front of me.
SO – all this to ask: What can I do or say next time this happens, in the moment? Wondering if I played it right by not acknowledging it to her? (If I say something then I’m making myself even more vulnerable because I seem threatened etc.?)
It’s been driving me crazy ever since. I couldn’t imagine doing flirting with someone who was attached let alone in FRONT of their partner!!! What in the actual?!
24 comments
If there is a next time. Stand up for yourself from the start pull your bf up immediately and tell him you are hurt and find his behaviour disrespectful. Pull her up by stating you would like to talk to your boyfriend privately and take him away to have said talk.
Did he think to maybe introduce you as his girlfriend?? I wouldn’t have said anything either but that would’ve pushed me over my limit. I would definitely sit down and make sure he understands why it’s wrong and Cannot happen again because if he’s going to “play dumb” or not say anything when you are around . What does he do when you’re not around . It’s not even a “oh I’m insecure I don’t want you flirting with someone else” it’s making sure that person knows they don’t have a chance with you and it’s disrespectful to me if you play along.
You protected your professional reputation. If you stay with jerkface the disrespectful who could not be bothered to protect your relationship or try not to embarrass you, do not take him to anymore work functions. Do not be surprised if he has the tramp’s phone number.
Your bf was flirting right in front of you. That’s downright insulting. There is no way he was just playing along while making a very nice conversation with a sexy woman who wouldn’t leave him alone. He likes stroking his ego. If you weren’t there, do you think they’ll drag that conversation elsewhere?
Well maybe for him it was just friendly conversation and smalltalk. You could have not gone to the bar for example. You could have taken him to the side and told him that it is uncomfortable to you that she flirts with him and that you and you could just have both went elsewhere in the room and not come back to that woman.
You could also text him that you are unconfortable with the situation.
For him he might have not even noticed and then you go nuclear all of a sudden however is really wierd. Many men do not even pick up of its flirting or just a friendly conversation. Imagine him thinking that woman was your work friend and he was nice to her and had a fun evenening and thought you were well too and all of a sudden you explode.
If you are certain he knew they were flirting he might have done it to make you jalous. Maybe your “flame” is burning a bit low at the moment and he might have thought to put a little spice into it by getting you a bit jalous. I mean you know your husband better than anyone on the internet. Do you think he noticed she was flirting? Would he be flirting IN FRONT OF YOU for any other reason then to make you jalous? Is he such a, well, evil person to actually flirt in front of you?
I was waiting for the part where he says this is my girlfriend btw
To me it sounds like she was flirting with him and he was just being polite. In my opinion, if you weren’t there, the same thing would’ve happened and he would’ve just gone home to you at the end. That’s my take on it.
You reacted really well, i wouldn’t have said anything to the woman either. She’s not the one you’re in a relationship with. It’s up to HIM to shut that shit down. Talking about celebrity crushes and types…what the actual fuck, are they on a date? They are literally strangers.
Has he apologised for how he acted? I would honestly take him to the next work event, and see what happens. If he makes you uncomfortable again, dump his ass. Know your worth, you deserve someone who will celebrate you in public and behind closed doors.
He’s not even had the effort to introduce you as his gf 🤦🏻♂️ that’s the reason you have to rethink about it
Oh h*ll no, I would have told him to stop the nonsense the second I noticed what was going on, I wouldn’t have just stood there and taken it. There are discreet ways to do this, without causing a scene. If you didn’t say anything, they may have thought that what they were doing was ok or going unnoticed by you!
Then after the function, I would have had the conversation you had, and made it crystal clear that if this ever happened again, the relationship would be over. That is, if I still felt like continuing the relationship to begin with. Chances are they already exchanged numbers or know how to find each other at this point, so I think you should be very vigilant for a while.
you should think about your relationship
when you’re with and when you’re not
man will not change
What I’m wondering is if it’s your work party. Then why did you not introduce him as your boyfriend?
Why would you wait for him to introduce you as his GF if it’s your event and people know you and not him.
If he tried to include you in the conversation when you came around. Then you had the opportunity to introduce yourself as his GF to the other lady.
So what i don’t get is why you’re playing the victim.
I don’t see why you would keep him around. It’s time to separate. Truly. Is this. What you want in your future, what you have now? Don’t waste more years than you already have with your bf
I sooo wanted to defend him. Being at your work gigs can be awkward. It can be scary to anyone introverted to have to sit there and pretend to be enjoying themselves while you wander around. So a friendly conversation could have been a lifesaver and he could have thought her flirting was harmless since it was a safe enviroment. Heck sometimes even guys fall into the trap of just flirt back a tint bit so she doesn’t get hostile and make a scene. Btw… yes woman act a fool when they aggressively flirt and get shot down just like men.
Then you went to the bar. First of all you yourself should have said no to that and took you both home. Secondly he had every oppurtunity to make an excuse to leave from there. At rhat point he clearly was just enjoying the attention. You absolutely should be mad. It also sounds like you are both horrible at communicating.
You need to sit down and reread this story and clearly get your thoughts together. Write him a letter, sit and explain it in this much detail calmly, or maybe even show him this whole post. He needs to see this from your perspective for sure. He was pretty far out of line.
Some men have never got a lot of this kind of attention and don’t know how to handle it. It seems like the other woman was doing most of the flirting. I’d ask him how he thinks that make you feel and ask him if he could do something different next time. If he minimizes your feelings here, than that is a bad sign. If he says she was “all over him and he didn’t know what to do”, then that is your opening to tell him. Men need to be told what to do a lot of the time. He may have thought he was just being nice to her because it was your work function
UpdateMe!
he is the problem. and seriously, at 32 talking about celebrity crushes and high fiving… break up with him for that.
Sounds like nothing happened. You were mingling with your coworkers while he was relaxing at a table and she was approaching him. He even said that this girl was untrustworthy so he knows what she is. Would you rather have him sitting at the table alone on his phone? Or enjoying his night out like you were. He wanted to get out of there since he instantly stood up and asked if we are leaving, he was just there bc you invited him.
Think you are overreacting
He was wrong in not cutting it off. Her should have slapped back into her place but some people just have that personality. So the beef is with him. Tell him he needs to show that he wants a relationship with you and what is he going to do to show that. Also don’t bring him to the next couple of social events if you are still together
It sounds like you brought your younger arm candy boyfriend (if he looks like a celebrity) to a work function and proceeded to leave him alone instead of introducing him to people as your partner. So he found someone to connect with while you did your work thing. Then he did try to include you when you would circle back to him but you were pissy he wasn’t just alone and waiting for only you. Instead he was (like a normal person) trying to pass the time with a person who was friendly enough (and probably also left by her partner enough) to connect and pass the time with him. Then it sounds like you mutually decided going to a second location was fine but when you realized he had actually made a friend you lost your shit and rudely got up to leave with no communication or explanation.
You aren’t some victim here. You are a person pissed that your boyfriend didn’t remain bored and alone for the whole event so you could feel important or something.
You have a work party coming up. Don’t invite him. If he gets upset, tell him the truth, he wasn’t really with you the last time. Why should you bring a date to get ignored again? If the other woman asks where he is just say “he gets so bored at these things, he stayed home. Oh, and don’t you have a date here, why aren’t you talking to him?”
I think your insecurities are taking over… you said as much. It was your work event, he held a convo with another plus one while you were working. You made a point to come back to him and make sure he was OK, and each time he gave you attention and tried bringing you into the convo- Im pretty sure your insecurities of looks and jealousy of her having the ability to engage in conversation (because its not her work event) which made you feel as though you couldnt really join in.
And again later, going to the bar, if you didnt want to go, Im sure your partner wouldve agreed to just go home. But when you got up to leave, he was right behind you, showing you are who he cares about and the other girl was just another person at the table.
You’re unloading on the wrong person. It sounds like your boyfriend was trying to be polite and friendly at your work event and didn’t seek out this person (plus, it’s not his work – where is he going to go?). This is not in any way obvious flirting. If you’re upset with your female coworker, communicate with her – and a minimum, tell your boyfriend how you feel at the time so he can react.
If you hadn’t given your ages, I’d have assumed you were far younger given your immaturity and insecurity.
Umm did she even know that you were the girlfriend?
Why are you mad at her because your boyfriend ignored you and flirted with her all night? He’s the one doing something wrong.