I was spending the night at my boyfriend’s house and we were getting drunk and and having fun. We began talking about how our relationship used to be when it was our first couple years of officially dating. Our relationship used to be very rocky and definitely not what you’d call a “healthy” relationship. We’d fight over the smallest things; I was besties with my ex boyfriends, and he would spend his free time with other girls. (Btw these girls were ones he grew up with from elementary school all the way to high school, so it’s not like he’d be spending his time with random chicks) Long story short, we had no boundaries in place for each other and we were pretty toxic and fought a lot. Years later and now in college, we’ve matured a ton and have the healthiest and strongest relationship ever. While talking about it, he mentioned how crazy it was that I would still spend time with my exes and go out with them while we were together. We laughed about it and joked around about how terrible our relationship used to be. I asked him if he had ever done something like that too during that time which is when he said yeah but said he’d only tell me if i didn’t get worked up over it since it was years ago. I agreed. He ended up telling me that one night, he was hanging out with my best friend at the time and she didn’t have a ride home so she insisted on spending the night at his house- Also i’d like to mention that the day they were together, they were with a group of people until everyone left and she stayed behind. Anyways, she insisted on spending the night and that she’d have someone pick her up in the morning. He hesitantly agreed and told her to find somewhere to sleep like on the couch or something- they never got along really well so giving up his bed for her wasn’t really in mind for him. She refused and jumped onto his bed and kept nudging him to join her. Long story short- he laid beside her and while they were talking, she grabbed his hand and had him mess around with her sexually. When she wanted to go further, he ended up refusing and admitted it was a mistake and that he couldn’t do that to me. She also ended up agreeing and said it would be pretty effed up because me and her were really close. As if they didn’t already do enough harm? He still cuddled and fell asleep w/ her that night and she left in the morning. He also mentioned that she’d always try and be very touchy with him and that she would always joke around with him about sex together. Also- I don’t want to make this story seem like a one sided issue and like my boyfriend isn’t in the wrong either because even though he may not have mentioned it, I’m smart enough to acknowledge that she wouldn’t feel comfortable enough acting and talking like this if he didn’t make her feel like it was okay to and like she could.
Immediately after being told this I felt humiliated and disappointed more than anything. My “friend” was best friends with me all throughout high school, she was the friend that I would say never backstabbed me or turned fake like a lot of other high school friends i’d have. We had a real bond and I loved her with all my heart. We simply drifted apart after high school and talk every now and then, but hearing this was tough. In my head, they hated each other and always talked bad about each other to me. I feel lied to and embarrassed. Both my boyfriend and this friend have gone years pretending like nothing happened. What’s worse is that my boyfriend did this with her and still allowed me to get closer with her over the years. Someone who would easily lie and try to sleep with my boyfriend? I don’t know what to do.
Years ago we were different people and I don’t want to hold this against him, but it’s really tough. What am I supposed to say the next time this “friend” reaches out to me? Should I hold my boyfriend accountable for cheating on me years ago- When we were both different people, or should I just let it go?
12 comments
You should confromt your friend and ask if its true but if it is… For the friend drop her… no question there she wasn’t your friend she was a leach at best who decided a guy and a one night stand was worth more than your friendship…
You need to decide if you can trust your BF not that hes lying about the friend but if you can trust him again becuase even if the relationship was toxic even if he thought you were cheating it didn’t give him the right to do this…
I’m a guy and guys can be stupid but at the end of the day what’s worse for me was that he lied about it for so long and so did your “friend”
Personally I’d drop both of them. Your BF cheated with your best friend, and his entire explanation was him trying to put more blame on her and dodge accountability. “Well she came on to me first, I was the one who stopped it from going further. She was always touchy with me and would make sexual jokes.” And he was conveniently the one who wised up and stopped it? Bullshit. They never got along well and all of a sudden they were hanging out alone and he was cool with letting her stay over his house? You even say yourself in the post you know she wouldn’t have done these things if he wasn’t reciprocating in some way, so he’s still lying to you. You’re getting a heavily changed story from your BF, I’ll tell you that. I highly doubt he didn’t have sex with her.
Honestly, it sounds like he got with your friend to get back at your for hanging out with your exes, which is why he brought it up. Like “yeah you hung out with your exes a lot so I fucked your best friend LOL!” What a dick.
Truth is, he’s not that much different. If he was, he would’ve told you this years ago. Instead he lied to your face everyday for years and had you thinking otherwise. I also wouldn’t be able to trust this was the only time he cheated. He’s just as wrong as your friend if not more wrong.
Yeah both of these people sound terrible! She obviously is one of those people who wants everything somebody else has like a spoiled brat. She wanted to be better than you more desirable that she could steal your man under your nose.
He probably did have sex with her and probably fooled around multiple times. Now, it was all her she forced me to share a bed with her and touch her. He did not tell you about it for four years! It did not even register in his conscience as something he should be sorry about! He said it like an after thought “oh remember how bad our relationship used to be , you used to hang out with ex’s so I fooled around with your friend” he made sure to bring up shit you were doing to make him seem more reasonable that he would stray. He is probably still doing questionable things that he justifies in his head.
He gave you a squeaky clean version of himself with that confession. I don’t think your bff will come on to him if there’s no flirting on both sides. And nothing happened but they slept on the same bed while there’s groping going on. Damn, I don’t think with them being drunk and horny would lead to just passing out.
Leave him. Girl, you already know you can’t trust him. He could have told you right after it happened if there’s no sexual activity that night. But 4 years? Dump his cheating ass.
You are feeling disappointed and angry and betrayed. Take a break to figure out your feelings and how and if to move on. Personally I’d break up. It’s a deal-breaker for me (again, personally).
I would tell her that he spilled the beans about them having sex .
He might have gone on the way and making it seem like he didn’t .
It’s your chance to catch a lie if there is one .
Honestly if he kept this secret for this long , who’s to say there aren’t any other times something has happened with someone else and he’s just not saying .
People do change over the years but your right , he should have never let you keep getting close to her .
Am I the only one reading this wrong? Her friend ignored ur bf’s requests to sleep on a couch, jumped on his bed, made him touch her/touched him without consent?
Am I reading that correctly? I hope I’m wrong but it kinda seems like the bf was a bit shocked at what was happening and went along when someone said no to his rejection.
If this is the case I kinda understand your bf’s reaction, the first time you ever hear someone ignore your consent as a dude is shocking. Especially if you’re still young and inexperienced. He could have been just shocked and went along with everything. Again, I hope I’m wrong though.
To me it doesn’t matter that it was years ago because it tells you what kind of person he is and his moral character. It’s even worse because he didn’t tell you about it until now. If he really felt that guilty, he’d have confessed back then. I’d cut both him and the friend out of my life completely. You can’t trust either of them.
Leaveeee!
Before you scream at your boyfriend, do you know if he was drunk?
She could have assaulted your boyfriend. Or your boyfriend could be lying and telling a tickle truth.
I would definitely ask your friend and get her side before jumping to the conclusion that your bf cheated.
If drugs/alcohol were in play your boyfriend could have been taken advantage of.
>What’s worse is that my boyfriend did this with her and still allowed me to get closer with ~~her~~ him over the years. Someone who would easily lie and try to sleep with my ~~boyfriend~~ best friend? I don’t know what to do.
FTFY
Fuck him & her! Let her know that you found out and tell her Karma is a bitch