The title sums it up I think. I’m 21M, my gf is 22F.
I met this girl a few weeks ago, and we have thus far met up once, although it was proposed a total of 5 times now. She canceled the first time, then we met. Then canceled the third and suggested the fourth, but was unable because of a family emergency where her baby’s dad said he was going to kill himself. She freaked out because she doesn’t want her child to be fatherless, obviously. Her child is 2.
The last time was tonight, where she canceled because she had her daughter, which she doesn’t want me to meet yet (I consider this a good sign about her) even though the agreement was that we would hang out outside after she puts her to bed.
Anyway, usually I would have left a while ago, but she is a single mom with a busy job that relies on her to fill voids. We’ve only been talking for a few weeks, but we both seem to really like each other, and she has even mentioned moving in and stuff if things work out a long time from now, so I like she is looking into a future with me.
We click on so many levels. Music is a big one, because we both love metal and country, but life in general too. She wants more kids, to move from where we both are at currently (Florida), and to have a serious relationship, etc. etc.
She has anxiety as well, and says she is very quiet around new people for that reason, but she can go on and on sometimes with me, it’s really cute. We had a 3 hour call even, which she seems really impressed by lol.
Anyway, I am supposed to go with her to get a tattoo (not matching obviously) on Thursday, and now that I have my own place she proposed she could come over after work for a bit and just tell her sitter she’s at work. Really, I feel anxious about Thursday, like something will happen in the mean time and she will cancel again. If so, I think I am done, despite the connection. But if I could just see her once or twice more soon, it would help my worries smoothe over. Idk how much I should push her to see me, because now she seems simultaneously excited at times, but also stressed and tired, like it’s another thing she has to do. We had a great time when we did meet, with lots of intimacy and conversation. I miss her so much honestly, and just want to get the first few dates out of the way because I feel she’ll get tired of me. She deleted her Bumble because of me though, and I have communicated my concerns about the time together, and she seemed equally frustrated. Should I suggest to help pay for a sitter if she will go for it? I don’t blame her for not bringing me around her kid, but it’s messing up our chances since she hardly has time so far outside of that. I wouldn’t mind her kid at all either, I love them, I just want to get the chance to know her better without an obstacle basically.
We have, at the very least, started calling almost daily, usually for a few hours, and she also suggested we work together since I was job searching. I feel I may just worry too much since I have more free time, but I can’t accurately gauge her feelings without a physical connection.
TL;DR Am I being paranoid? My new gf is super busy due to her kid and has canceled because of it, which I get, but seems to also like me a lot. It worries me, and I would like solutions to get time together.
EDIT: I have made my mind up to give her a chance, so don’t tell me to blow it off. I simply want to know if y’all think she is actually interested in a serious manner and is genuinely busy, or is she still considering and leaving me on the back burner for now? Because it feels both ways and I hate wondering more than anything. I am giving her until Thursday since I am going to an appointment with her and having my own walk in. Surely she won’t flake here, and if she does it’ll be brutally obvious. But until then, thoughts?
7 comments
>but was unable because of a family emergency where her baby’s dad said he was going to kill himself.
Run. This is not the situation you want.
>and she has even mentioned moving in and stuff
Cool so she’s already talking about moving in with someone she’s known a few weeks, sounds great and stable.
>and she also suggested we work together since I was job searching.
Dude, just, this is all awful do not do this.
It is a good thing she’s not introducing dates to her child so I will give her that. Drama from her ex is not good but my bottom line is a 21 yo dude does not need to be dealing with someone who has a kid. I’m a single parent myself and no way would I have ever traded my Early 20s for taking care of someone else’s child.
Also one piece of experience I’ll pass along is *many many* women are looking for provider men. Men who will financially support them and raise their standard of living. Especially a single mom who is looking for stability and someone to help with her kid (and looking to have more kids!). This sort of relationship dynamic will cost you a lot of money and that’s something you have to ask yourself if you want.
First, it’s wild to me that you call someone you have only met once your “girlfriend” already. She’s a stranger.
Second, a good mother will only introduce you to her child once she is in a long-time, stable relationship with you, so we’re talking a year in or something. And moving in together comes way, way later than that. That, combined with the job thing, is really raising red flags.
Third… I think you are asking the wrong questions. You are wondering if she is still “considering and leaving you on the backburner”. The truth is: Even if she is *not* considering and genuinely interested in you, *you will always be on the backburner if she is a good mother*. Especially if the ex also causes drama and she gives in because she considers that good for her child (hint: It’s not). If you want a relationship with a single mother, you *will* be on the backburner, tons of dates *will* be cancelled and that not just four times, but over and over and over again. Again, a good parent will introduce only long-term partners they have come to know really well to their children, meaning that every time something comes up – like the kid getting ill, which children do…a lot – you will get cancelled dates. That’s how it is with single parents.
You’ve met her….once?
If you are impressed that she isn’t introducing her daughter to you after you’ve literally only met her once, you have an extremely low bar.
How is a person you’ve met up with once your girlfriend?
If she cancels this next date/event, take it as a sign that she is not ready for a relationship with you yet.