I had been with my partner for over 4 years and we have had our trouble but she decided to take a trip back to our home town and before she left everything was normal and beautiful then the next day she messaged me saying we need to talk so I call her and that’s it over 4 years with the love of my life gone, how do I go about this she hasn’t returned home yet I have taken all my stuff and our pets so the house is all hers and her stuff.
How do I stop hurting, I have broken down so many times and I miss her and our life more than anything but I don’t know who she is anymore she was so cold and all within 24 hours.
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this advice is more for a little further into the healing process, but try to take all the love you used to give her and give it to yourself, like making big breakfasts, or showering with compliments, or whatever you did to make her feel loved, my cousin gave me that advice when I went through a breakup and it helped, and I hope it helps you 🙂
Anyone else thought she died?
Well, first, she’s latched on to someone new. That’s the bad news, but you’ve got to face reality. So, you’ve cleared out of the house, got all you stuff? Good; now block her on every electronic means she has to contact you.
When people are in a long term, loving relationship, both their brain chemistry and neurons in the brain create an “image” of the one they love. Just as amputees have phantom pain from the missing part, the pain is real to them, as the brain’s neurons, cut off from the input of the missing limb, still fire. It takes quite a while for these neurons to become part of other connections. Similarly a part of you has been amputated, but there is no pain reliever to take for the pain; time is the only cure.
The gut wrenching pain you’re feeling is the result of the violence done to the center of your being, involving heart, mind, soul, and spirit. You will be constantly reminded of her smiling at you with love, only to recall the coldness you heard from her at your last conversation. In a very similar way to an addict going through withdrawal, you’re going through a more agonizing withdrawal.
The only answer to this agony is time. Go through all your electronics, and delete every. single. thing. that has any reminders of her, including all pics you have of her. If you possess any photographs of her, gather them together, and burn them in the backyard, if you have one.
Don’t isolate yourself in your dwelling; start running to exercise your dogs. Go to a gym and work out; revisit hobbies you had before you and she got together, or take up new hobbies. View yourself as being similar to people that were smokers going “cold turkey” off tobacco, and succeeding.
Reconnect with buds you’ve had that may have been neglected by the relationship you and she had. The fact that she’s gone doesn’t mean there’s no love in your life; you have your family, both immediate and extended. Share with them the emotional disaster that’s befallen you, and gain strength from their support, succor, and love.
And, by all means, reach out to God the Creator, who knew your name before you were conceived, and ask for His help. He will never fail you.
I wish you well.