I think I’m in a toxic relationship, but I don’t wanna breakup because I promised I wouldn’t

Me (M19) and my gf (F20) are together since a little over a year. Things were so smooth at the beginning, we liked the same things, played the same games, had the same mentality etc. Everything was great we were “the perfect couple”.

Important thing to know, she only has guy friends, which is not really a problem with me. It’s also important that my best friend became a really good friend of her too.

About 4 months into the relationship, she had a depression and I wasn’t feeling so great, she decided that I was not allowed to text/call her without telling me for how long. I broke my heart, but I waited, it gave me time to focus on my studies. And eventually she came back. Things were better than before!

Not so long after that, she moved out with her father, not so far, yet not so near in bus. Right before moving out, things started to get rough, the only thing that made her smile/talk to me was when I bought her stuff, like clothes or shoes. But it wasn’t enough and she told me she wanted to breakup, but said she had to think about it, a month later she yet again came back, saying I’m the one. My friend were telling to dump her, but I stayed.

When she moved, she got super close to a guy she met online, so close that sometimes I couldn’t call her because she wanted to call him or play league with him. When I could play with them (not her only) they were making fun of me in a private chat. Then he decided to kick her of her life, so she begins to talk to me more. Things were great.

Later she became friend with a guy at her work, saying he was 24. While getting closer to him, she was getting farther with me. Until he invited her for movie and beers at his place, she accepted. She told me that when they were on the couch he placed his hand on her lap, at by his look he wanted more, she said she had to go and quitted, halfdrunk. *important to know that at that time she’s unclear if she wanna stay with me or not* she told me later the story then we got close again. But I felt like the only way of seeing her was when I paid for the activity. She joked about it multiple times through the relationship, that shes there for my money.

Between that and now, we had minor fights that aren’t really important.

Leading to this month, we had some major fight, EVERY WEEK. I’ll just talk about the last one, we were at the bar with my best friend (it was her idea) and a sensitive subject came and she had a clear double standard. Which I exposed and she didn’t like it. She ignored me until we were alone at our appartement. Then she hid herself in the toilet to text the new guy (because yes there’s yet again a new guy’s she’s texting more than she talking to me). When she got out I asked if we could talk, I sat down on the couch but she stayed up, I asked her to sit. She rolled her eyes and said “what”. I asked her if there’s anything she wanted to say about the event at the bar. She said “say what you have to say so I can go to bed”. I started explaining what made me uncomfortable, what was too much etc. I wanted to tell her that either she changes what makes me feel like less than a friend (of course the thing I did wrong ill work on them) or we go to therapy, but before I could finish she stood up and shouted “GO F*** YOURSELF”. I tried to stay calm and talk to her, be she kept screaming, so I raised my voice and then… she hit me right in the face. *important fact, I have an handicap that affects all of my upper muscles, so I’m super weak* I said that was too much and that I’ll call the police, but she laughed at me and say you won’t do that come back. I clearly said to her that her new friends make me uncomfortable, because they’re there to bang her (one said it on the first day) she just said that every single one of her friends wants to bang her, that even her best friend who is in a relationship would come bang her tonight if she texted him. We talked and she apologized for what she did.

But these days feel so wrong, the moring, im waiting for her to wake up. But when she does, she grabs her phone and start texting the guy. Even when I pay for us some movie tickets or some food, shes more on her phone than with me. Other important thing to know, she doesnt repect my boundaries at all, when i say stop she doesnt. Consent is super super important to me, and if she doesnt want me to hug her i dont. But she feels like sje cant touch my private part like she wants, my butt and more. If it hurts, if i try to get out, she laughs and does it more. Today, she was doing it, i said stop it hurts 4 times, when she finally stop, my d*** was slightly hard. When she touched it to see, she said it does hurt you, if you dont like it why are you hard?

Help me reddit, i dont know what to do, if you know other subreddit that i could reach for help, tell me

Sorry if the story isnt clear, it was hard for me to express how i feel.