So everytime we have an argument he has a certain point of view and own beliefs about what is logical and sound. Sometimes I have a different point of view and he will argue with me until I either agree with him or I change his point of view. This is usually over really small things. For example, he wanted me to do a rapid test for covid this morning. The last few times I did it he was in so much pain and he would have a mini panic attack when I swabbed him. I heard that it is less painful when you do it yourself so I suggested it to him. I told him I was uncomfortable inflicting pain on him and I felt uncomfortable the last few times. I suggested he try it himself. He kept begging me to do it and I got annoyed. I even told him he doesnt have to go deep just in the nares. He ended up doing it and after got mad that I wasnt caring when he was vulnerable. Maybe I am cold but I told him its not a big deal and I truly thought he would be in less pain if he did it himself. He told me I am not caring and I should have helped him or sat by him. He told me I didnt do it because I was annoyed of swabbing him. I told him my true intentions were that he be in less pain. We have been arguing about this for 5 hours now and I ended up crying because it was ao frustrating. Eventually I told him I agree with him and that my intention was that I am annoyed of swabbing him. Even though it wasnt my main intention, I truly wanted him to try it because it is less painful. Sorry if this whole thing sounds silly.
39 comments
JFC. Your fiancé sounds like a toddler.
Tell him to swab his own nose. You are not his mother.
He’s…insisting that his ideas about your thoughts are correct. This isn’t going to get better after you’re married, this is just a preview. That kind of controlling behavior isn’t something that goes away spontaneously, or when you give up having your own opinions.
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Please read that like 10,000 times. The implication here is that if you just stop having independent thoughts, he might be less argumentative. How is that going to get better for you?
I’d be more concerned that he’s acting like a child. This guy is really 32 and can’t swab his own nose?
Just reading this… he sounds like a child that wants a mother. And don’t you dare to have another point of view. Just he is right and you must cuddle him all the time.
To have a discussion 5 fucking hours because he can’t swab his on nose for the test? He want support for this?! For putting a qtip in his nose?! 5 hours?!
Do you want this to be your life? For the next 50 years? Hours after hours… And just think if you have a child. What parent will he be?
Run, now! Better now than having a divorce later.
If you are unsure… Go one or two weeks to family or friends – alone. Or make a vacation alone. See how it is without him. Of course go minimum contact with him, maybe a few text messages. Do you feel relieved without him? Do you even miss him? Do you feel awful when you think about going back to the long hours of senseless discussion till you give in?
And think about if you really are happy…
Ok cool, So he’ll just wear you down till you give in for the next 30 years….
Now imagine spending the rest of your life living like this.
Get out while you can.
He is an adult and should be able to swab himself without anyone holding his hand. You are not his mother.
5 hours of arguing he can’t be an adult would be the end for me.
Call it off. I ignored that red flag and it was the biggest mistake i ever made.
Aw he wants a mommy not a wife
Your life with him will be exhausting and torturous. Take this fight and multiply it by 10 years. Every single thing will be an argument where he tries to get you to agree that you are an uncaring person. My question would be to him—then why are you with me? Why do you want to marry me?
And then you should ask yourself the same question about him. Is this what you want the rest of your life to look like?
Hell no
I would not marry this guy. Five fucking HOURS of badgering you because he needs to be right 100% of the time, fuck that *entirely*.
If you think a 32 year old toddler is tough to deal with try a 65 yo toddler.
His argument tactics is nothing compared to his need for someone to wipe his ass and tell him what a handsome young man he is.
He doesn’t need a wife or a mommy even. He needs a grandma.
Yeah, swabbing for a Covid test should never hurt, it’s literally in the simple pictographic instructions, but you know what feels good? Making you sorry you keep causing baby so much unbearable pain. Ow, help me. Wait, no, not like that!
Two words:
Weaponized incompetence. Once you know what that is, it’ll change the entire game. It’s what he’s doing.
Arguing with someone for hours, to the point where you reduce them to tears, is an abuse tactic. It will only get worse. What happens when he wants you to agree with him on some important life issue, like where you’ll live or when to have kids? What happens when he wants sex that night and you don’t?
Don’t marry this guy
What is he 5?
The fuck? Is your fiance actually 14?
So much pain he had a mini panic attack 😐 from a Covid test?!?! This is not a situation you want to stay in I guarantee you!
He sounds like a little bitch to me. You want to deal with that for the next 50 yrs?
Do not marry him. Break it off and don’t answer his calls or he will wear you down until you give in.
Signed,
Someone who married a manipulator just like him!
I was in your shoes before. I had a fiance like yours. He had to turn every little thing into an argument to prove that he’s right or to have me agree with him. It was tiring. I can’t talk about anything without him turning it into an argument. I have asked him to take his shoes off when entering my parents’ house because it’s our culture. He had to turn that into an argument about how it’s better to wear shoes inside a house. I couldn’t say ‘no I don’t want to’ or ‘no I’m not comfortable with that’ without having to answer his ‘why why why why’ for a thousand times until I had to give in and do the things he wanted me to do.
Breaking up with him was the best thing ever!! You know he’s going to be like this for the rest of his life and you don’t want that to be YOUR life
This is way too much drama coming out of a man in this thirties. Seriously, he needs you to baby him for… a nose swab?? This is toddler level shit. Why are you still with him?
He does sound abusive in his unrelenting insistence on getting you to give in with disagreements. The way he dealt with the situation was irrational and overly dramatic. I would call off the engagement
that is a reflection of your future marriage do you really think it is healthy to start a family with someone like him. i understand your devotion and love for him but is it worth it to set yourself on fire to maintain a relationship that is headed for abuse and divorce. just press the red button and get out.
If you are debating calling off the wedding… you already have your answer… trust your gut and call it off
He is exhausting, all that whining. Why would you subject yourself to that by choice? It only gets worse after tying the knot. Right now you can run away but after it is a much slower, painful and costly process.
In a healthy relationship, you should be feeling good about who you are, smiling to yourself when you think of your SO, wondering what you did to be so lucky to be with them. You should only be finding small irritations after marriage, not massive ones beforehand. Hell, you should still be in the honeymoon phase where it is all peaches and cream. My wife and I are still there after 13 yrs. No peaches and cream? Run.
>Eventually I told him I agree with him and that my intention was that I am annoyed of swabbing him. Even though it wasnt my main intention, I truly wanted him to try it because it is less painful.
>We have been arguing about this for 5 hours now and I ended up crying because it was ao frustrating.
Why on earth would you sign up for a lifetime of this?
He emotionally beats you down until you agree with him, even when you don’t, just to make him stop. FOR HOURS. Why would you marry this person? It will only get worse.
You will spend your life emotionally being broken down until you stop daring to oppose his opinions or file for divorce
Also, if my teen can give himself a rapid test, your BF can.
If the two of you are engaged this is the best his behaviour is ever going to get. Each time you let him manipulate you it is going to get a step worse.
You want to marry a MAN or a BABY. Marry him if you want a BABY.
I still can’t get over the fact he couldn’t trust you enough to believe your intentions. That he decided your thoughts/intentions and argued you into submission about YOUR OWN THOUGHTS AND INTENTIONS. He literally argued about something that could only be in your brain as if it were a fact for debate.
I dated a guy like this and by the end of that relationship I was down to 40kgs and was scared to talk.
One day a lady approached me in public and asked if I needed her to call the police for me.
Leave now it only gets worse.
CALL IT OFF, NOW
HE NEEDS PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP. HE IS IN NO POSITION TO BE IN AN ADULT RELATIONSHIP. He cannot accept ANY ACCOUNTABILITY. He needs TO BE RIGHT EVENTHOUGH HES WRONG.
HES TOXIC. I say break up and BLOCK HIM.
Mentally go back in time and find the red flags you dismissed when you met him.
Ugh tell your fiance that he is not Jordan Peterson and you are not liberal media. This is exhausting. Aren’t you tired? This will be your life. This will be your future children’s life. Don’t live like this. His “logic” is illogical and emotionally abusive. Communication is not happening due to the fact that he is NOT LISTENING!!! He’s waiting until he can say his ridiculous point in many different ways. That why why why is bs. He wants you to have no thoughts but his. I say leave him. If you have friends or family that is truly on your side then go to them and explain how truly terrible it is. Show them this thread if needed. Because he will try to get you back when you leave.
– He will badger you, your workplace, your friends and family to get you back under control.
-Do not give him anything but “I said no.” But why “I said no.” It’s not fair to me “I said no.” You don’t care about my feelings if you don’t come back “I said no.” We should be able to talk about it “I said no.” Give this man nothing.
-Give yourself peace
Call off the wedding and run. You will never be right again, and he’s brow beating you for hours to agree with him. Run
FIVE HOURS?!?!
I dated a guy like this once and it was infuriating. One night after arguing for like 6 hours straight I had enough and decided to go sleep on the couch. What did this guy do then??
He stabbed himself in the arm. He got blood all over the walls and carpets. My roommates at the time freaked the fuck out and had to call 9-1-1, he was put on a psychiatric hold for 3 days.
Obviously I broke up with him when he got out. I ran into him a year later when my friend took me out for a drink because my dad was dying. He gets on my case about how could I possibly leave him “when he needed me most” … because he stabbed himself. He wouldn’t drop it and was going on and on and on again, the bouncer actually had to escort him out because he wouldn’t leave me alone.
I’m not sharing all this to like get it off my chest or anything. I just consider the marathon arguments a HUGE red flag. It’s selfish behavior to the extreme. Dudes like this care more about being right than ANYONE or ANYTHING. More than they even care about their own health or safety. They’ll do whatever it takes to keep the attention focused on themselves and *their* needs.
And now that I’m a mom, I dunno if you wanna have kids or not, but if that’s something you’re planning on… lord Jesus help you. You gotta discuss and debate everything. Diaper brands, bottle brands, swaddling methods, burping methods, parenting styles, EVERYTHING. And this dude argued with you about a Covid swab up the nose, we did a Covid test on my 2 year old and he fussed about it for 30 seconds.
You reeeeally need to think about what you want your future to look like and how these marathon fights fit into that picture.
This isn’t going to get better, only worse. He’s going to badger you until you back down. It will escalate to the point that you’ll just stop sharing your opinions because you’re tired of being told that you’re wrong or to avoid an argument. This is exactly what he wants. Basically his attitude is the sooner you realize I’m always right and that your opinions are stupid, the better off we’ll both be. Please don’t marry him.