Are you into the idea of teaching someone inexperienced intimacy/sex? Why or why not?

37 comments

  2. We’re always both students and teachers when it comes to intimacy and sex. We all have different experiences and expectations when with a new partner.

  3. I’m still on the young side I guess. So, if I ever encountered it, I’d be 100% down

  4. At my age, I’d rather guide someone on my specific likes and dislikes, versus provide a how-to guide or help them get over any reluctance about anything. She should know what she likes and doesn’t like to a large extent, with plenty of room to grow.

    And I don’t need to know her prior exploits, either, same as not having a need to share my own “conquests.” Everything should be respectful.

  5. yeah

    it simply boils down to how they approach the thing, either in a scared, motionless way or an optimistic and curious mood, that’s where one should draw the line

  6. Sure. I (24M) was virgin-shamed when I was still a novice, and I wouldn’t want to put someone through that. The one time I was with an inexperienced girl, I thought it was incredibly cute.

  7. Oh I love it. My wife was pretty inexperienced and it was fun teaching her. Girl I had before her was a virgin and I had fun teaching.

    Then again I love teaching in general. I’m a physician so it comes with the territory lol.

  9. Of course. Someone much more experienced than myself did that for me and it was a fun experience.

    I’d be happy to share with and teach someone who’s never had sex or hasn’t had a lot. There’s a lot of fun to be had there and a lot of fun things to teach and experience with them. I also really love connecting with my sexual partners and the idea of connecting with someone and showing them brand new experiences and sensations sounds amazing to me

  10. I’ve had several partners who were new to BDSM/impact/kink play, and who wanted a teacher. I’m a pleaser by nature and tend to rise to what my partners want, so yes, I enjoyed that role. I don’t really go looking for it, but when it happens I’m happy to do it.

  11. I’ve had to explain a lot to my friends. Makes me wonder why I didn’t become a sex therapist. All through high school and as an adult I’ve had various people come to me to talk about sex and how to be better.

  12. Every time I’ve done this it’s turned out well. Put some real deal freaks out into this world

  13. In other words, would I date a virgin? Yes, there’s no reason to deny someone affection and love just because they haven’t gone through it yet.

  14. I had to take that responsibility on when my wife and I got together. I was her first. At that time, she had no experience out side of kissing. She had that one down at least. She really was a good kisser. But she was completely ignorant and naïve about EVERYTHING else. Somehow she made it to 20 years of age and had not even touched herself…..in that way. So when we got together and we had our first make-out session and my shirt came off and it was getting hotter and more heavy…..she locked down. I sensed something was wrong so I stopped and asked her what was wrong. That’s when she dropped the V-bomb on me. She wasn’t a prude or trying to “save herself.” The right opportunity had never presented itself. You know, she was just a really cool and sweet person. Just insanely nice and caring, like no one I had ever met. I knew there was something with this girl. If she had come into my life just two year prior, there’s NO WAY i would’ve have patience for virgin bullshit and just all of that. But I was in a much different headspace when she came into my life. We just went forward very slowly and on her time table. The MAJOR benefit of this: with sex more or less off the table, it REALLY allowed us to emotionally invest in each other. You can’t put a price on how valuable that is. And when things eventually became physical……it was just an awesome experience to watch her begin her “journey” and watch her grow within in her sexual identity. Pretty awesome she has trusted me with that all of these years.

  15. Definitely. I was inexperienced once and never would have gotten better unless someone had the patience to teach me what I was doing wrong, which a few people did.

  17. Yeah. When I was younger, I was with someone not much older than me, but much more in touch with the kind of sex she wanted. A lot was learned in a short period of time and even though it only lasted a couple of months, I look back on it as an important relationship for my growth.

    I have no problem with someone having less experience than me (my ex had some ideas about what she’d like to do, and she’d either been single or with guys who were closed off to it). I encouraged her by often mentioning things I thought she might like and then we acted on it, with me guiding until she started to feel confident and that she was with someone who genuinely wanted to help. In many ways, because there was so much communication and exploration, it ended up being better sex than I’ve had with people who have more experience.

  18. Depends what I’m looking for. Hookups / Casually, no not worth the effort at all. A relationship, sure if I felt it could last and it was serious.

  19. I’m good with it if they understand they’d be learning what i like and not just how to be good at the sex.

  23. Are you saying if I was dating someone who wasn’t experienced? Yeah I would teach them. Make sure to go slow until they are comfortable. If care for that person I’m not going to mind teaching them. If you are talking about teaching a random person. I wouldn’t mind talking to them about it and answering questions. I just don’t see a problem with it. It’s not a gross or nasty subject. At least I don’t see it as such.

  24. I hope someone is, because it’d relieve some pressure for me and I wouldn’t have the need to fake experience, specially at my age. I don’t even think I’d consider myself a complete starter, considering the things I’ve seen in porn.

    Doing stuff with a complete beginner as well would be the perfect scenario, even though it’s quite unlikely to happen. Pretty much every woman I know who’s a virgin at my age or at least makes it seem like it is in church, and I don’t intend to go back there.

  25. My wife and I have an age gap. She has a very goody two shoes background with very low experience sexually, she wasn’t a virgin before we dated, but it was pretty close to it. It has taken some time to show her what works for us and what doesn’t. I love that she is inexperienced, and it doesn’t detract from our sex life at all. The saying particularly for men “the worst sex I had was still pretty great” applies in the early stages. But now we’re on a much higher level of intimacy than anyone else in my past. There are still times that I reminisce of the past long term FWB relationship I had, where we grew together sexually and were each other’s first sexual experience. We had a NSA thing for a long time. So I guess it’s not better, but something to be said for the comfort, excitement, and experience of being with one person from start to finish.

    I think having several sexual partners led to less satisfying sex than the other way around.

  27. We over emphasize basic PIV sex that while forgetting that sex is a learned thing that is specific to each person/couple/group. Sex with a new person should always be about learning what they like and evolving over time.

    Experience is all relative.

  29. Honestly it’s just anecdotal evidence on my part but the best sex I’ve had was in a relationship with a woman whose virginity I took.

    I feel like a lot of people kind of get set in their ways about what they like and think others like. With an inexperienced partner the usual expectations are not there and once they get comfortable there is a lot more exploration and willingness to try new things.

  30. Would be a fun endeavor.
    Discovering things with someone you like can create fond memories, so sweet

  31. Not a Man, but my partner said he lovef the fact I was a virgin with him. Both because of the teaching factor (tho I showed him bjs he has never had), and because it is all the more special. I love that I waited to find someone I love and feels safe with. And he is also grateful that he is the only guy I will ever be with

  33. I’m just too old for it. In my 20’s I would’ve been okay with it, may have thought a virgin just wasn’t a morality match as I was pretty promiscuous, but if I really liked her would’ve accepted it.

    Now, I’m in my 40’s, I’m just too old for that. Nothing wrong with anyone who needs that training, but not for me.

  34. As a woman I can speak for myself and say yes, I am 23 years young and been a single mum since I concieved my daughter. I have worked and lived on my own without any support for ages.

    My now current boyfriend has never had a girlfriend or been interested in women until he met me. He is two years younger.

    I have not had a deeply intimate relationship before and so the challenge of us learning together presents itself when we would either like to try new things or I teach/show him things.

    He enjoys learning and I like the intimacy around teaching him things because I feel as though it benefits the intimacy itself and promotes us to have a healthy sexual life. His rule is to always try things once and even though he’s quite a vanilla man he doesn’t mind that I’m not like that and he rather enjoys what inventive stuff I can come up with especially when I’m respecting his boundaries and asking if things are okay or he’s comfortable with this or that.

    Being a teacher as a female is liberating, it’s loving and it’s so passionate and wholesome.

    I’ve never felt so woman, so intimate or so wanted than I do in this relationship and it’s because we are intimately teaching and sharing with each other in a way I could never replicate or explain. He loves my take charge attitude but also that I get shy and a little insecure even when I’m in “kinky” mode.

    Men and women are constantly teachers to each other and I couldn’t think of a better way than sharing my knowledge or helping my man grow to be a better him even if that’s not with me in the future

  35. I’ve noticed that different people will view things like sex differently. I’ve come a theory that people view sex in one of two ways.

    One. It is a service both parties perform on the other. From this perspective a lack of experience might be seen as less desirable. I’m not in this camp so if someone wants to expand on this point or disprove me feel free.

    Two. It’s an act of giving something intimate to someone. In this sense. A lack of experience is more than made up for in wanting to do it. Think of it like giving a present. If someone gives the same gift to a lot of different people it only means so much. But if it’s something that they truly value, giving it being happy to share it with someone is all the better regardless of quality. Why do you think parents leave drawings their children made for them on the fridge but might throw out a tacky painting their brother in law bought for them. The drawing was made with love, it matters a lot to the kid and the kid wants the parent to have it.

    Conclusion. Depends

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