Hello, I (32F) have the opportunity to go on a international vacation on my own. I have travel credits I need to use and going on a solo vacation has always been on my to-do list. I am also a mom of 2 and my husband (36M) is encouraging it.
I just recently found out my friend (30M) will be also doing a solo trip and going to see a concert where I was wanting to go. I think it would be awesome if I could fly with him there, see the show and then part ways. I talked to my husband and he is okay with it although I’m worried about what other people will think, especially my in laws and my parents “why would she go on vacation with another man?!” But I don’t want to have to explain myself over and over. Input on whether this is appropriate?
25 comments
Totally normal before a divorce.
Do you think your parents/in-laws are going to be confronting you about it?
Also, do you and your friend have firm plans set already overseas that precludes just extending the “flight + concert” situation you’re envisioning?
Be careful with boundaries. If you are spending much time with your friend and find him at all attractive, emotionally or physically, don’t drink too much or take drugs. I checked your post history, 153 days ago you posted you were bored and envious of friends in new relationships. If that’s a thing still, be aware. Your husband is extending you trust so honor it.
If your husband has a Hot-wife fetish, then I can understand how he doesn’t have a problem with this. But if he doesn’t have this kind of a fetish, then he should see this as a red flag.
Most people would have a problem with their spouses going on a international vacation, traveling with a male friends.
Just my two cents worth.
Your husband’s trust and view is ultimately all that matters. What everyone else assumes or gossips about is irrelevant; ignore it and treat it as none of your business.
Personally, I carefully avoid any situation which would give my spouse cause to worry – or would give another person the wrong impression of my intentions. You can be the judge of whether that is needed here.
Hey if it’s all above board what’s the problem as you have no history with the othe bloke!
Concert. Beers drugs laughs small touches. We know where this is headed.
So, it’s no longer a “solo trip.” This will be a vacation with a male friend without your family.
That would be weird and a red flag if my wife suggested this. But hey, thats’s me.
If anything, I’d be concerned for your safety around this guy, assuming your husband doesn’t know them well.
You want to go on a solo trip…..until a man who’s not your husband is available to join you and then the solo part isn’t important anymore?
100% **not** appropriate. There is no explanation you could give that would make that math add up.
Your husband is terrible at recognizing red flags.
How did you explain it? “It’s not so much about it being a solo trip, as much as I just don’t want you there.”
Why do I get the feeling it’s not a coincidence that this friend is doing a solo trip at the same time as you, going to the same concert as you, in the same place you wanted to visit 🤔🤔🤔
If your husband is OK with it, that’s all that matters.
This is between you and him.
Personally, I can’t understand why your husband would be okay with this. It’s not my place to criticize him but I’m just offering my perspective on that.
Personally, it seems very inappropriate. I couldn’t even imagine doing something like this. My spouse could either. And neither of us would be OK with the other doing it.
And we’ve ALL heard the stories of what happens on these kinds of trips. I’m Not in the slightest accusing you but making the point because your question is about appropriateness. Personally, this has bad written all over it in my mind. My two cents anyway.
I’ve been married for 20 years. Why would you want to travel alone. Make memories with loved ones. This trip sounds like a bad selfish idea dreamed up on an acid trip. It leaves you vulnerable to make poor decisions that you can’t take back. Send kids to family and take your husband on this trip. Good luck.
OP, I have a slightly different answer that you might appreciate, but you really need to be happy in your marriage to understand it. Every marriage is different, and I know in my marriage, I would definitely be perfectly OK with my wife to fly with a friend and attend to the same concert with them. I spend (or before the pandemic) time with female friends and she is fine with it, it’s a boundary built on trust that is part of our marriage.
Not everyone would be that way, but the fact your husband would be ok with it, says a lot about his trust, unless he’s being naive and you know. So if it’s just flying there on the same plane, and then doing your own thing, staying in your place, meeting up to go to the concert, that’s it, that actually is totally possible, I’ve done versions of it dozens of times.
Not every marriage can handle it and maybe most of the time it ends for others in cheating, but if it’s just what I mentioned, and you aren’t wildly attracted to this dude, and don’t have issues with your man, and this other man is a trusted friend of you both, that’s the call of you both in your marriage. People may downvote this, but I’m telling you I’ve had female friends for years and it really is possible not to fuck them and just to enjoy their company, to be both crass and direct for those who doubt it.
If I were your husband, I would say yes. Not because I wanted to, but because I didn’t want you to tell your friends and then have them convince you I was a controlling dick.
If you decided to go ahead with it, there is really nothing I could do about it. But, I would feel different about you. I wouldn’t trust you as much and I would withdraw a little bit emotionally – just to protect myself. All of this would be automatic and not really conscious.
But, I’ve been cheated on before and your husband might be different.
Solo vacation, but instead do nothing solo
Don’t do it, your 32 and a mom of 2, nothing good can come out of this, in fact the whole trip is suspect. A mother or father doesn’t go on an international vacation by themselves, you have a family now.
I also wouldn’t care if my wife did this. If he is cool with it then go
I’ve been on one trip with a man without my husband since we got married.
It was a group trip, a weekend Bachelorette getaway for our mutual friend.
I wouldn’t be comfortable in your situation if the roles were reversed, so I wouldn’t disrespect my husband by asking. Even with my completely platonic friend who I’ve known for as long or longer than my husband.
It depends on your relationship with the friend. But it’s totally fine. Just don’t share a hotel room.
If your spouse is cool then it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
Go meet up with your friend and enjoy your vacation.
Nice coincidence that your male friend is travelling to the same place at the same time with you alone.
From here it sounds like you manipulated your husband into accepting you going away for a dirty holiday with your affair partner.
But whatever if your husband is too clueless to see what’s happening then good luck.
Sounds like the beginning of a divorce due to cheating.
I have a different outlook. I would not do a solo trip of that length. If we travel, we almost always travel together. This has meant a lot of sacrifice because we can’t afford to travel with our entire family. Sometimes the odd weekend away is important, but that’s about the extent of it. I guess every marriage is different, though. We do like to get away for a weekend, just the two of us, every few years.
My concerns for you specifically are that you envy the single life, and the freedom therein. You also said that you miss the excitement of early stage relationships. Perhaps absence makes the heart grow fonder and when you return to your husband, so will the excitement. For me I’d feel too guilty and selfish traveling alone, much less meeting someone and doing things / sharing special memories with them. I’d want those memories with my husband.
if your husband is going on a solo trip with another female friend, will it be okay with you?
Sounds like a fuck fest waiting to happen 😂😂