Two months ago, the guy who I thought was the one, left for good. Throughout the relationship, my ex and I BOTH made our fair share of mistakes. I truly felt like he was my first love and no one else can compare. Do you guys believe in “the one”? How do I move on? Can a relationship that ended so badly ever be repaired? The highs were so high and the lows were so low. I currently have no contact with him, but wish to be on friendly terms with him.
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There is no ‘one’, there’s just people you really connect with and people you don’t. Putting a label on this will just make it harder for you to move on and meet the next ‘one’.
Well, apparently he’s not the one is he? Don’t worry, time will heal.
No such thing as “the one” there are literally billons of people. Find someone you love and they love you is all you can do. It’s hard to see at the time but if you try to wrap your head around the scale of billions it might put it into prospective.
Give him space. Give YOURSELF space and time. And you must stay busy/ productive. Sitting around thinking about how you lost the one will drive you crazy… no, literally. It’s okay to miss him. But we tend to miss people in a pretty unhealthy way right after a break up. Time will give you clarity then you can miss him in a healthy way and possibly even spark up a conversation about being friends…. Maybe even mature in the process and give it a second chance with a new perspective. But take time to get clarity first. Best of luck.
> Do you guys believe in “the one”?
not really. there are definitely multiple people out there in the world that are compatible enough for a happy coupled life.
> Can a relationship that ended so badly ever be repaired?
theoretically yes, but definitely don’t count on it. proceed as if the answer is “no” tbh.
> How do I move on?
its never easy, but you can do it. sometimes its 2 steps forward, 2 steps back, but as time passes youll heal and grow.
I’m a FIRM believer that any relationship where there “the highs were so high and the lows were so low” is one not based in true love but in co-dependency. A “hot-cold” relationship is literally describing a “love-hate” relationship, but this version of “love” is not actually love but obsession or emotional attachment.
Not saying there was absolutely no love, I’m saying it’s likely your decisions and emotions were influenced not merely by love but by attachment followed by detachment. Back and forth until one person got tired of the cycle. This cycle does not exist in a truly loving relationship. Just something to reflect on.
It’s not your heart that breaks, but your expectations.
There is no such thing as “the one” unless it is Jet Li (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0267804/).
This “The One” is perpetuated by retarded romantic novels for women written by Cosmopolitan idiots…but don’t you worry, you will find the next “The One” after this “The One”, and the cycle continues.
I don’t believe there is a “one”. There’s nearly 8 billion people on the planet, therefore if there is a “one”, the chances you meet that person in your city/town are tiny, yet in reality most people end up in a long term relationship.
It’s going to hurt like hell for a while. But as you process, you’ll start to feel better eventually. Just let it take the time it needs to.
Remember you are just two people. Compatible in some ways, clashing in others. And sometimes you’re not going to know if you’re incompatible until years down the track (which is why I always caution about getting married too soon).
Send him a message.
You can never really even begin to repair until you have completely left the mindset of “could it be repaired”.
Trust me, from painful experience, you cannot hold onto hope and try to move on at the same time. It won’t work, it can’t work. I’ve waited months and years thinking what ifs even though I knew deep down the truth, and it completely paralyzes you in every aspect of life.
“Isn’t it convenient that out of the approximately 3 billion adult women in the world, your one true love happens to live in the same block of flats as you, instead of in a village in Mozambique?”
I think you watch a few too many Rom coms 😂😂
Lived experiences can often warp our perception of what love feels like and it sounds like this is the case for you.
>The highs were so high and the lows were so low.
The lows are so debilitating that the highs become almost euphoric and the cycle becomes addicting. We begin to think this is what love is supposed to be like when I assure you it is not.
Love is stable. Its sailing a ship together on a beautiful day…not thrashing back and forth in a storm, grateful for every gasp of air and lul in the chaos.
The good news is its possible to break this cycle; I recommend you read the book Attached. It will explain this cycle, why you’re caught in it and how to get out much better than I ever could.
“The One” doesn’t exist. Just people you get on with really well. You move on by giving yourself time to heal.
As someone who’s been in a relationship for 12 years, I don’t think that there’s a “one”. We fall in love and share our lives with people while it’s fun – and sometimes that lasts a long time. Other times, it doesn’t last.
So many other types of relationships in our lives are temporary – it seems very human and normal that many of our romantic ones will be too.
This will hurt for a while, but you will move on, you’ll discover more about yourself, and someone else will come along with whom you share similar values – and you’ll find another wonderful love to enjoy.
Other people said that but I’ll say anyway: everyone is replaceable, unfortunately. Yes, it hurts a lot and you will wake up everyday thinking about her/him, but we can’t change the past and I don’t think you should be her friend it will just hurt your feelings inside. It’s just sad, I recently passed through this too, the first real love hurts a lot, but you will carry on with your life..
How old are you OP?
I’m guessing 14
“There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice.”
I married my 4th ‘the one’. It will always feel like they are the one, until they are not. You will move on, you will meet other people, and when you find yourself in another good relationship you will look back on this person and ask yourself how you could have ever thought they were perfect for you.
Yeah i had like 12 “the ones” i totally belive in that…
“he was my first love” and I have “no one else” to “compare” him against.
Guessing you’re young, young enough to start again. I’m 44 and starting again after a 15 year marriage. If I can do it you can do it.
Stop looking back at failure and start looking forward for success. There isn’t a “one”, thats such a myth, but I hope you do find “someone”.
If he really was ‘the one’, there wouldn’t have been lows. Maybe not so high’s. But not lows. Don’t worry about ‘the one’. It’s a myth. There are several billion of us. Plenty of scope for more than just one. Good luck. ❤️
High highs and low lows tends to mean that the highs are in fact relief, and often indicates codependent or even abusive dynamics. Good relationships don’t have low lows and if you’re used to the constant dopamine hits of rocky relationships then you may feel unfulfilled in relationships that are actually healthy.
I wonder if you are confusing love with trauma bonding or codependence?
Wow. I believe there is someone out there for you (not fate or anything), but knowing that after two months of dating? Nope. Maybe you scared him off.
I think that the “one” is the “one” you end up with
Two months ago? You didn’t even know him in two months. You also shouldn’t already be having lows – I’ve had almond milk longer than your relationship. It sounds like a mess and you got attached to a virtual stranger. Next time remember to keep some boundaries – you are observing who they are at two months, not planning your entire future. You’re setting yourself up for failure by going all in when you’re just getting to know someone.