I’m good in social situations I think. I’m great at meaningless small talk. I can absolutely hold a conversation with a stranger and have no problems.
My problem however is with long term friendships. Almost ALL of them have ended because I’m “annoying” or “mean”- some people just ghost me altogether and I hear later about how they had a problem with me and never told me.
It happened a ton in high school, which is expected. Typical friend drama and mean girls. But I’m 23 now, and it’s still happening to me with my adult friends.
I have anxiety disorder, depression, BPD and OCD- bc of this I’m hyper aware of everything I talk about because I never want to appear as annoying- it’s my biggest fear. I make sure to let people talk before I do, to not be too loud, to not say anything that may come off offensive. My coworkers like me- they tell me I’m a very chill, easygoing, open minded person. I have also been told I don’t have a filter. I swear like a sailor, and I’ll be real with people. Some people like it some people dont, I’m at peace with that. I’d expect my true friends to be real with me too and they are for the most part.
But why do my other friends just get sick of me and leave? It’s literally been happening since I was young. It’s given me major trust issues and fear of abandonment.
3 comments
Are you neurodivergent OP? Alot of how you describe yourself hints at ADHD/ASD? YOu say you have no filter and swear like a sailor. Are you able to moderate your social behaviour in different situations? I don’t mean change your personality but adapt it to accommodate the people you’re around? Do you have trouble picking up on social cues and how people respond to you?
Could it be that people like to take things the wrong way ?
We are all right from our point of view. Don’t waste time with people who wanna argue with you and act all passive aggressive giving you the silence treatment.
“When you think in negative terms you will get negative results , when you think in positive terms you get positive results “ Have you ever considered what you may be thinking before you enter into a social situation ? Is it full of , “Can’t mess this up” “I’m gonna make a fool out of myself” “I’m going to be so awkward “ etc etc ?