I had a mutual break-up with my ex last July and have since met several new women but have not found someone else that even comes close to being girlfriend-material since and it’s just so frustrating…I don’t know, I’m about to turn 28 and it’s just getting to me…it just feels hopeless and I feel like the failed relationship with my ex is going to haunt me the rest of my life.
6 comments
Boy, don’t you sound like a catch.
Take your ex down off that pedestal and force yourself to take a more realistic look at her—I guarantee you 1000% she was not perfect. No one is. And turning her into some unattainable, incomparable goddess is only hurting you and every woman you meet.
Your ex was flawed just like everyone else on the planet. And if she was really the one for you, she would not be your ex.
Take those rose colored glasses off and stomp on them, then look at the available women all across the planet with clear eyes. Many of them are magnificent, way better than your ex, and much better suited for you. But until you can SEE that? Don’t date anyone.
You have healing to do.
You can get over your ex. She obviously didn’t meet your criteria, you said the breakup was mutual. Focus on the things she did that made you say ok to the breakup. Nobodys perfect, focus on her faults.
You need a break from dating, date yourself.
I get this feeling. I was in my mid 20s when my person of 5 years died. The rest of my 20’s was filled with dating people who I felt could never match up to my ex.
I took a few years off dating. Did some pretty intensive therapy and worked on myself before trying to date again. I wasn’t my best self, and therefore I wasn’t attracting the quality of people I wanted to meet.
I’m a month into dating a pretty awesome person, and while it’s still early, we both have our own shit that we’re able to support each other with, but work on independently too.
Take a look in the mirror and make a list on things you need to work on to make yourself the best version of yourself. Are you working out every day? Do you have a job you love? Are you financially stable? Do you maintain good, close friendships? Do you have a couple of hobbies that you are passionate about? Is your home clean? Are you a whole person who isn’t looking for someone else to complete them?
There are a lot of people in the world, and there is someone for you. But you need to work on yourself so you are ready to meet that person. I’ve missed out on someone really great, because the timing was terrible and I hadn’t put in the work on myself. That is a regret that really sucks, and I didn’t want to miss another match like that in this lifetime.
Let the past die my friend. Something I’m struggling with myself right now too, but my breakup was only about a month ago.
I’m picking up the pieces but if that relationship was as true as I believed for so long, it wouldn’t have ended. Scrap the candle. It’s not like she was this near perfect person and death robbed her. That would be way worse. She was flawed like us all and you need to embrace the learning and growth you had together, for yourself, but completely ditch the comparison chart you have in your head.
You’re not going to find her doppelgänger, and it’s unfair to put that on someone new. Sure the next person will be flawed in *different* ways. But you just have to keep going until you love a person despite the flaws they have, not the one’s your old ex had. As long as you’re holding that candle you won’t move on. Let her go.