I honestly need answers to why people cheat.
Because I don’t understand, I have been in terrible shitty relationships, been unhappy. Trying to do everything I can to fix it before giving up. I don’t understand how anyone can cheat.
Even if it’s not physically.
How can you go and touch, flirt, confide in, be emotionally connected, be intimate… with some one and then come home and look your spouse in the eyes and act like the things you’re doing won’t crush their souls if they knew.
Please help me understand.
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I was cheated on twice (luckily I hadn’t married either) and had the same question, but I’m not sure there’s an answer. Or a single answer. Sometimes I think they’re just done with the relationship and too immature to end it the “right” way. Sometimes I think they’re just sociopaths who figure they’ll never get caught so it doesn’t matter. Sometimes I think they’re just sociopaths that don’t *care* what happens if they get caught, or even want to.
I dunno. You can’t help but dwell on it, trust me I know, but I don’t think you’ll ever see an answer that really brings you peace.
First not your fault, second they are missing something inside themselves so they self medicate with drugs or alcohol or cheating to hopefully fill the void but that doesn’t work for long.
You see a cheater like yourself but they are sick people who need help with a professional doctor
People cheat for many reasons and there isn’t always a predictor as to if someone will step out or not.
Often times people step out because their needs at home aren’t being met. They find someone else either online, their job or through one of their hobbies that they connect with and then they start sharing some of the more personal stuff and eventually it gets to ranting about their significant other to this person. At that point it progresses to an emotional affair where they would rather talk to their EA vs their partner irl. Reasons for that is when in the reality of the EA, everything is ok with the world and they can cope but it’s a false reality. From there it moves to being physical if it progresses that far (provided the person and their EA aren’t separated by distance if online EA)
What needs at home that aren’t being met can range from physical, mental or emotional and the common denomator in all of those is the breakdown in communication. The person and their spouse don’t communicate anymore and if the person feels like they aren’t being heard, they seek that attention from elsewhere.
Lack of mental fortitude
Well, maybe your not HL with a partner who has refused you sex for no discernable reason for 2 years. And yeah maybe we only get 1/2 the story, but I guran-damn-tee you people get married every day and have no idea what they just signed up for.
And, you know, I’d be careful dropping what sorta sounds like judgement here until you try walking around in these people’s shoes for a bit. If I’ve learned anything in 58 years, it’s that this world has a shit-ton of grey in it.
People cheat for many reasons. Some people cheat because they just don’t care, but usually it’s because of another external problem and they think that what they’re doing is a victimless act. That if their partner doesn’t find out then no harm was done.
One person might cheat because they don’t feel deserving of love or are afraid of intimacy and so they chase people external from their relationship who can’t offer them anything and self destruct.
Other people cheat because they have sexual compulsive issues.
Some people cheat opportunistically (got caught up in the moment).
Some people cheat because they need the validation.
Some people cheat because their relationship is lacking in intimacy.
Etc etc. Its not black and white. And people are VERY good at convincing themselves that what they’re doing is okay. They’re cognitive distortions that lead to excuses (my partner hurt me so it’s okay, they won’t find out, monogamy is a lie, my partner doesn’t love me). And these cognitive distortions exist because it’s against their intrinsic value system. I believe firmly that anyone is capable of the mental gymnastics required if the stars align.
Some people cheat because they just enjoy the attention. Some people cheat because they like having a secret. I’d say most cheaters think they are smarter than their partners, and they can get away with it.
Cheating shows a total lack of integrity, and it is not the fault of the person they cheated on. If they lack something in their relationship, they need to address that and end things if it can’t be fixed, not try to find that in another person before ending it.
Yea I never understood that either. Weather it’s emotional or physical. (Emotional is worse to me in my opinion). Like do you not think how your SO would feel seeing the things you say or do?
According to my Ex girlfriend, that I helped get a job for her. “Everyone cheats at least once”. And I call bullshit