The other day my gf told me she cheated on me with her dad, she said she didn’t yes but didn’t say no, she said she went along with it in some parts and kept on insisting she cheated but I came to the conclusion she was just scared and felt guilty
But I told her to let me do something about it like call the police since this isn’t the first time but she said no, she won’t even let me fight him myself and I feel like she’s protecting him
Fast forward to the next day and she says she’s going out with him since he doesn’t live with her
She promised me she wouldn’t go to his house but it still upset me she can just go out with him after what he did
Now today she goes out with him again despite promising me she wouldn’t see him again
She doesn’t seem very bothered by what happened and it’s maybe my overthinking but I feel like what happened was consensual
She kept on saying it was her fault and that she cheated but I kept insisting it wasn’t and that he raped and groomed her
I’m starting to lose feelings randomly and I feel terrible about it because it’s not a good reason to lose feelings
41 comments
Uhhh… is it a step dad or biological? And are the parents separated like he pays child support and he visits her every now and then?
Mmmk this is straight up rape. Try a fuckin lawyer?
It’s not wrong for you to say I can’t handle this. Don’t beat yourself up
If it were me, I’d call cps. A 16 year-old can’t consent to sex with a 40 year-old man, and the fact that it’s her father makes it incest. She may be trying to frame it as consensual because then she doesn’t have to face the horror of what her father has done to her.
Call her mother! CPS, and Police. This way she doesn’t fall through the cracks. Your girlfriend is in serious denial. She may turn on you for protecting her, but these calls could end up saving her life. If girlfriend lies about what she told you don’t take it to heart. It’s common in these cases. Mom will be aware and hopefully on alert, authorities will investigate.
Tell your parents for your own support and call CPS/police. If you have text messages from your GF, they could help as proof.
You are 16 so you shouldn’t beat yourself up for this being overwhelming for you. It would be overwhelming for most adult.
You’re crazy to think she’s not bothered by it. You’re also crazy to think you get to decide how to resolve it. This situation is so complicated and fucked up for her. Let’s play it out:
She calls the police. Her family falls apart. Her family’s finances go through the floor as dad loses job, hires lawyer, and goes to jail. Or doesn’t if he denies it and she can’t prove it.
Her whole life is fucked up. Her family may believe her. Maybe they don’t. After all, you’re not sure you do.
Or…. She doesn’t call the cops. She tries to rationalize it and make peace with the situation. People are incredibly resilient. She decides to “take one for the team” and put up with her dad’s behavior because she believes it will protect herself and her family. Her making peace with it necessitates her believing she is somehow responsible for the situation as a whole. She feels guilty towards you because if she has some control over the situation and it still happened, she must have cheated on you. Heck, maybe it even felt good at some moment or other and she feels guilty about that.
The whole thing is fucked. You don’t need to give a shut what happens to her dad, but you ought to give a shit what happens to her. Throwing you own parent in jail for doing something to you…when you have the power to suck it up and hope things smooth over is incredibly difficult.
So my recommendation. Don’t see it so black and white as to how she should handle it.
Help her find someone to talk to. It’s complicated because that person may be required to report the incident depending on state laws, but they’ll at least be better poised to handle the complexities of this.
Believe whatever she tells you. If you need to break up break up, but unless you know she’s done something wrong with zero doubt in your mind, you should have her back on this specific issue! One of the biggest fears after all is the whole world ostracizing you and calling you a liar after opening up about an event like that.
My wife went ten years without telling a soul what she went through. She fell into extreme depression and can’t remember most of her childhood anymore. Your girlfriend is going to need your support in some capacity. Like I said. Y’all don’t need to stay together if you aren’t wanting to but have her back!!!
the hell did I just read…?
Your girlfriend is an abused child. I’m glad you want to help her. She sounds too traumatized to help herself.
Typical victim mentality. He got a hold on her, poor thing. If there’s any way you can report that it will help her in getting out of the situation. She’s a minor. That will be handled by the proper authorities.
Wow, this poor girl has been groomed and abused by her dad. Please call the police and report it. I’d say the poor girl may have been through too much to be in a relationship with anyone at the moment, but I think she could really use a friend. Because she’s been groomed she’ll likely not thank you for what she’ll see as “interference”, but when you’re both older you’ll both realise just how important it was for you to make that call. Do not fight him, this would protect him as he will say you’re making false claims due to a previous fight. Just be honest with the police. If you become aware of them visiting each other again tell the police the date and time of the meeting. Also if you can get a recording of her admitting to the abuse this could be very helpful. Good luck x
FFS!! Take the texts to the police!!
They will get CPS involved and she needs therapy for being raped by her father!!
Her father is raping her. It’s incest.
Her lack of emotion or feeling? That’s trauma. She is likely disassociating. She needs help.
Yeah bro cps and run
She is a victim. She is being abused and most likely was groomed. She is 16, it isn’t consensual. She isnt cheating, she is being manipulated by someone in a position of authority over her. However, it’s probably something that’s happened her whole life, or at least since they’ve been in contact and it seems normalized to her. Not only do you need to report it to CPS, but also the police and lastly her mother. He needs to go back to prison. Do you know what he was in prison for?
just go tell the police who cares what she thinks that’s serious
Believe me, if you report it she will one day look back and feel really grateful that something was done. If you don’t, what if nobody ever does?
Sexual abuse is complicated. Victims don’t always act like you might imagine, this is down to self preservation. If she believes she is at least partly responsible then she has control, if she has control then she can ensure it doesn’t happen again.
If she calls it cheating not rape by her father then she doesn’t have to face her father being a monster, if her father is a monster who is she?
It’s likely that this abuse has been going on for years, perhaps hasn’t happened in a while and that’s why she’s calling it cheating.
It’s so very very sad.
Police seems like an easy option, but I no longer blame folks who choose not to go that route, it’s a bloody awful system where victims are interrogated on the stand and often leaves them more traumatised.
You don’t have to stay with her, but please, don’t blame her for her father’s actions, and don’t blame her for not wanting to prosecute him.
What the actual fuck on earth is this
She will thank you one day!
call CPS and get the hell out of there that is not something you deserve to be in the middle of man
At best, this is incest, at worst it’s incest, rape, blackmail, and gaslighting, on the Dads part. You need to call cps, and provide evidence of the situation. For example, record a video of her saying her dad did [x, y, z] to her.
Best of luck random dude, this is a terrible situation. Most of the time when I post replies on reddit, I just troll. But this is serious. It’s rape, pedophilia, and incest. If op’s claims are true, the dad is a horrible and disgusting person.
I never fully believe second hand stories from teenagers…..ever. But if OP if you think this is truth from your girlfriend you must call the local authority whether she wants to or not.
CPS is the best option but so is getting anybody you can like your dad, uncle, friend, etc and you guys go down and give him the 2 piece combo. Get that man on the sex offender list so he can’t be let around any child anymore. When you do that and the guy gets arrested yes youre gf may hate you for doing something now but if youre still together after down the road she will appreciate it.
My wife was sexually abused by her step-dad when she was in high school, its simply something you, me and anyone else who haven’t experienced it could never understand. She is a victim of abuse. My wife talked to CPS, but when they came, she was persuaded by her mom (who was living and married to step-dad, still is) and everyone else she thought would help her, to sweep it under the rug. This MESSED my wife up. She told CPS she was lying and nothing happened and he continued abusing her. This was all because she was afraid to tear apart her family, and everyone would blame her for anything bad that happened after that. Dad goes to prison, and her mom, her, and 3 younger brothers end up in the streets? Her fault. The all get taken from both parents and put in the system? her fault.
She still has issues from it, she still struggles with the idea she should have done something for her safety, almost 10 years later.
You won’t understand why she doesn’t cut him from her life or call the cops, you never will. She might hate you after this, her family might hate you or her, people suck. But do what’s best for her safety, don’t sweep this under the rug like so many others. And if you can’t be there for her, help her, she needs to see a professional after this, but likely won’t want to.
If you can’t be there for her, because it is hard. Anytime she tries to defend her dad’s actions, or blame herself, it’s frustrating because it doesn’t make sense to you, I know this from experience, but don’t feel you have to stay with her. I know that’s hard to think of, you can stay as a friend, and should be very delicate about the situation, but if you can’t deal with it, it’s better to admit now you can’t be the support she needs then let her know that down the line. Your 16, you have your life ahead of you both, don’t let her dad take that away from you guys.
A mom here. You’d be doing the right thing by reporting to CPS. She may get angry and take it out on you. You’re going to go through a lot of different emotions during this time. Please tell a trusted adult, whether it’s your parents, a counselor, a teacher, etc. You’re going to get through this. She needs help. You’re a good kid. You’ll be okay. I hope she will too. Help her, because she can’t help herself here.
This is extremely fake, and poorly written. Please learn to employ these (.,!?)
First of all as others mentioned you can go to your autorities and press charges. However without proof they can always say it never happened and she made it up. These are really hard allegiations and if you want to press charges I advice you to have something in writing or record a conversation with her where she sais that it happened so this does not get turned around to you being jalous and making false allegiations.
Then there actually always is that chance that she made it up. It is not fair if she did’t but in these cases it is a realistic possibility. Maybe she wanted attetion or she wanted to break up with you and this was her idea to do that… If she made it up and you go to the authorities and this gets ivested and nothing comes out you might get in trouble yourself if she sais you are the one to make it up.
No matter what. Walk away from that girl. If this happened and she does not want to press charges and you can’t dreal with that, it will sooner or later destroy the relationship anyways. If she made it up, then its pretty obvious that you should walk away. I also advice you not to mention to her that she might have made it up because if she did not it is an insaely mean thing to say, however take these allegiations with a grain of salt.
It pains me so much to read this…
Kids tend to protect their parents, because they need to be loved, no matter how badly they are being mistreated. Your GF is probably in denial, her brain is shutting down some traumatic events/memories to protect her. It’s a natural response. She will need time and professionnal help to recover. But that’s a whole other story.
First thing first: as others have said, call CPS. The ‘father’ needs to be taken away. We dont know when the abuse started and i am afraid it might happen again… Your GF needs to be protected, she needs professional help and care.
Also, you should get at least one of your parent (or an adult you trust) to support you. You’re 16, this story is insane, and i doubt it will be a smooth sail… But it’s the right thing to do.
I wish you OP the best of luck.
she is 16, by law she cannot consent ESPECIALLY to incest, i think she’s telling herself it’s not rape so she doesn’t have to face the fact that her dad is in fact a horrid person and borderline paedophile. Being groomed messes with a person on a whole other level and makes them question everything and blame themselves which is another reason she is saying it’s her fault. Judging by her age I’m guessing you’re also around 16 (as am I), and this is a lot for anyone to handle let alone a teenager. Please dont try to take this on on your own, talk to CPS if possible, this isn’t your problem to fix even though she’s your partner and you can’t do it alone. I wish the absolute best for you and your GF, my heart breaks for her and you too. To sum it up TALK TO SOMEONE, this isn’t something that you can handle alone and you shouldn’t have to do it alone. You cannot blame yourself for losing feelings as this is a traumatic scenario for all people involved.
She’s definitely been groomed and disassociates what’s normal. Get her the help she needs.
Dude, honestly I’d like to believe her. Because of course the victim always get the short stick, but again… humm…er… something is not something here.
So my advice is to go to authorities with her sayings, do your part and then get away. Call CPS. Do it. Tell them everything you told us.
But again. That’s a circus waiting to be built. Just run away. Do the report, but nothing more than it. Let the authorities deal with it.
You’re probably almost a minor too. Don’t get sucked in this creepshow, SPECIALLY if girlfriend doesn’t want to do anything. Chances are, the family will rally and say you’re nuts. Do YOUR PART, go to the authorities and tell what you know. And then get away.
Abuse cases are awful. The victim will frequently defend the abuser. You will report to the police and the whole family will say you’re crazy. Don’t get sucked in this bottomless pit.
I mean i get her side of it tbh
honestly this situation is too nuanced for reddit. yes the immediate reaction would be to report it and get him put in jail but its not that easy. the court system is very complicated and if there isn’t any evidence there’s the possibility nothing happens. forcing her to take it to court (if it goes to court) is basically forcing her to retraumatize herself (if she even admits it to police and presses charges) she clearly needs help but she’s in denial already and most likely would deny it to the police, ur best bet is trying to get her to a counselor/ therapist so she can come to terms with it by herself and then decides what she wants to do.
I think that in your position it’s best to report the incidents anonymously to the police if it’s possible. what the father is doing is absolutely disgusting!
The sweethomealabama did i just read?!
She’s definitely been conditioned to think it’s normal or that it’s consensual. Definitely groomed and definitely being assaulted. He is 40 and her father…crazy and disgusting power dynamic. Don’t beat yourself up about loosing feelings it’s very distressing situation to have happen. Try calling CPS and go from there. I hope she gets help and heals and the same for you.
What. The. What on gods green earth am I reading…
OP stay strong just know its not your fault and you need to leave her ASAP
Your parents don’t stop being your parents when they hurt you. The outside world sees the predator that violated her. She sees her father that she loves and doesn’t want to go to jail.
When you’re hurt by someone you love, it can make you a traitor to your own wellbeing due to your need to protect them.
You need to do what she can’t. You need to get her help. She’ll probably hate you for it, she’ll probably feel like you ruined her life, but you didn’t. Her father did. And hopefully one day she’ll come to realize how much he violated the faith she has in him.
Please tell an adult and let them handle this. This is a lot for someone your age.
For future reference, never put the word raped in quotes.