What is the divorce rate like in the US?

6 comments

1. Iirc it’s just short of 50%

   IMO the reason for what you are talking about is that most of the time people come here with some of these stories, it’s way more than a bump in the road. It’s already mortally wounded and they just need a reality check that their thinking so is accurate.

2. It’s very easy for strangers to tell other people to take the most drastic action when they only know one half of the story and will suffer none of the consequences.

3. It’s actually down overall from a few decades ago — common knowledge is about 50%, but that’s always been [apocryphal](https://www.nytimes.com/2005/04/19/health/divorce-rate-its-not-as-high-as-you-think.html). It’s also been declining for decades. How statisticians like to measure the rate is in divorces per 1000 married women anyway (women live longer, making for easier data, though obviously that has its own flaws by weighting lesbian relationships and ignoring gay ones).

   I think there’s always an urge to give advice here based on limited information and no emotional investment. It’s one thing to just learn about a stranger’s problems, say “dump ‘em” because that specific behavior isn’t one you can imagine putting up with. It’s quite another to actually be in a relationship which like all others has problems and drop it immediately. People here also seldom list all the good with their venting, making it all seem very one sided.

4. Divorce rate is high but lower than the cheating rate

5. The rate of marriage has sunk significantly with only about 50% of adults being married in the US. During WW2 the number was 80%. The average age of first time married adults has also changed from 20-22 years old to 28-30 in that same period. Fewer people are getting married and getting married much later. Divorce rates are dropping slightly since the 70s and 80s but not by much.

   A lot has changed in 4 generations. It will be interesting to see how things shake out in the next few decades.

6. If you’re poking around the marriage sub, I’d think you’re a newlywed or in trouble. As someone mid-divorce/reconciliation, I can tell you the only times I consulted the Internet about my marriage was when it wasn’t going well. I’m sure there are a few middle-aged couples who really want to celebrate and improve their relationship, but most are too busy and disengaged, hence ending up heading for divorce.

   I also think that the divorce rate is 50% at something like 15 years. I’ve been married for 24 years, with my spouse for 26 years total. People assume you’ll be together forever at that point, but “gray” divorces are a thing. We’re younger–mid-40s, but when your kids move out, a lot of stuff changes, and a lot of stuff that you ignored is now in your face. We’ve had 26 years of small bumps that are now a big mountain, so it’s not a decision we’ve taken lightly at all (also 2 previous rounds of MC, and *now* IC). When we met, I was 18 and he was 20. I intended for it to be more of a summer fling before college, and *here we are 26 years later.* For context, I had just graduated high school, gone to the state swim meet, and taken a senior trip to Spain. Now, both our *kids* have graduated high school. We’ve been in our professions long enough to be the elder professionals at our jobs. It’s so much life. People change. You have to work really hard to make it work. It’s not 1880 and we just get married and live on the farm till we die. There are thousands of things demanding attention, changing (growing) you as people, and distracting you from focusing on each other. We have a lot more choices than women had 2 generations ago, as well.

   So, I’d say life is what is overwhelming, and sometimes divorce is an inevitable choice, but most people are not rushing into it.