This is the place to share your thoughts on dating. Get as meta as you want, within the rules.

38 comments

  2. At what point does/should one stop using the dating app after going on multiple dates with the same person?

    If you are really interested in someone in particular, would you still use the app (in whatever capacity – either just browsing, chatting or perhaps even going on first dates)?

    How do the dating duration, the number of dates and the intimacy shared (whether you have already kissed/had sex) play into it?

    I’m not very experienced with online dating, so share your thoughts/experiences!

    (And yes yes, I know, “don’t assume exclusivity, talk about it”).

  4. There is way too much in the way of texting expectations in modern dating. Especially in the beginning where you have met a person for maybe a few hours in person.

  5. I just realized how shit I am at emotional communication and talking to people about deep topics. Most of the time I don’t even know where to start with it. How does one get better?

  7. When do you think is the appropriate time to start talking about kinks/non-vanilla sexual preferences? Before you have sex for the first time? After the second time? Once you feel like you want to spice up your sex a bit?

    Mine are nothing bizarre, but they’re not exactly something I’d just casually bring up while getting to know someone over drinks. Maybe not even when I first sleep with someone. I’ve never been in this situation before and realised I don’t really know if there is an etiquette.

  8. A bit of a shower thought here. Those of you that complain about the swipe to match rate, and the match to date rate from apps. How successful were/are you in real life?

    I’m pretty convinced (from personal experience) that my chances in real life are about the same as it is on the apps, it’s just that the apps put far more people in front of you

  9. Really proud of myself for being ruthless this time around on the apps. I’ve been moving on from anyone who isn’t working, or I feel we wouldn’t be compatible. When you don’t need anyone, you refuse to settle for less than you need and want. It’s a good feeling.

  10. I’ve become a bit of a “project” for a couple of my colleagues where they’re trying to match make and set me up on dates. I don’t mind. I’m relatively new in the area and I like the idea of meeting someone “au natural” off the apps. That being said, none of the men they’ve suggested are even remotely interesting to me. They tell me I’m too picky whereas I think I’m open minded, I just don’t see the point in going on a date with someone I don’t find at least a little bit intriguing or attractive. I’m starting to wonder if I’m actually too picky and/or super hung up on looks. Has anyone else experienced something like this? For context, these colleagues are a good 15+ years older than me, so that might have something to say.

  11. Not gonna lie, I was happier before I downloaded Hinge 2 weeks ago. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still happy, but 13 matches and only one conversation going is disparaging.

    I’m still maintaining my weight-loss though, I haven’t gained anything in a week. I haven’t lost much either, but it’s nice to know I’ve been under 200lbs for over a week now. I’m really enjoying my time after work as well.

    Yesterday I got home and finished the last two episodes of Chernobyl. My gosh that show is something. I finished Arcane before and that was great. I think I’m going to watch Gravity Falls next as a palate cleanser. I’m going to play my Switch while re-watching it since neither will require my full attention.

    I set-up my new mic yesterday as well, tested it out, and am going to actually record the intro episode to my podcast sometime this week.

  12. Great first date last night. He was heavier than in his pictures and it’s like he was expecting me to call him out on it? I’ve been on some really dull dates lately he’s really fun, I’m a bit sad that he thinks I’d be so shallow…

  13. Had a great first date this weekend and dude text me the next day saying he had a blast and wanted to hang again. I let him know to let me know when he is free… and we haven’t talked since. I know he’s traveling for work and I’m not freaking out as I don’t need constant communication but like am I supposed to hit him up or wait for him? I swear dating is way harder than it should be and I miss dating in my early 20’s when you just met dudes at bars haha.

  14. Does anyone else have the issue that they’re very low maintenance when it comes to socializing and keeping in touch?

    Like I don’t enjoy conversing with people and the idea of going out as someone with low energy doesn’t appeal to me.

    I also don’t like doing favors for others (in turn I don’t ask for favors much at all).

    But I guess my main goal is to focus on finding that balance and level of socializing I want out of my life. But dating doesn’t seem to be something in the cards for me at all as my personality is shaping.

  15. Spent all day at the hospital with mom after having to call the ambulance in the morning (bleeding and pressure behind one eye and extreme pain). She is okay now, they know how to resolve it but next step is to figure out a cause/how to prevent it. Needless to say it was an exhausting day!

    I may get to meet my long time crush tonight, I’m going climbing with a girlfriend, so trying to shift gears back into more normalcy (hopefully!)

  16. I’m at my wit’s end. I’m tired of useless and contradictory advice. Fed up with not getting results with therapy/etc. I don’t want to just continue existing, with everything seemingly pointless, missing out on experiences I’ll never get a chance to enjoy. Hard work is worthless without results.

    ****

  17. it’s totally and 100% OK to be single

    it’s okay to be in a relationship and annoyed with your partner

    it’s okay to still feel something for an ex even when you’re very much in love with a new partner

    it’s okay to be scared of a loss of independence and change

  18. Pondering the line between wanting to be pursued as the woman vs wanting to show interest and reciprocity

  19. I realized after reading this sub how I lucky I am to find my person. Ladies (and gents!) if your date really likes you, there is no second guessing what his intentions are, no anxiety regarding double texting and who texts first or any anxiety towards perceived ‘love bombing’. With the right person, Your relationship isnt “moving too fast” and saying i love you is natural (and it doesnt matter who says it first or how often.)

  20. Thb I’m really glad I didn’t let myself get bogged down by all the rules and labels I’ve seen on this subreddit and went with how I felt instead of how things ‘should’ have been.

    Not all the rules are bad or anything but it’s easy to become legalistic and rigid about it instead of letting things grow organically.

  21. My mom hates my partner, and my partner hates my mom.

    Not sure how to navigate this!

    My mom hates all my sisters husbands too. She’s got a few mental health issues, OCD, hoarding, overspending, but at the end of the day she’s my mom. She’s rude to my partner, and keeps telling the rest of my family how horrible he is to me (he’s not, he’s actually very lovely).

    My partner doesn’t like my mom, obviously because she’s rude to him, and constantly tells me how much he doesn’t love me (eg if he doesn’t buy her things she requests, if he doesn’t fix my car for me, if he doesn’t pay for me).

    Now my mom wants to visit again for 3 months, and my partner is very much against it. He says she should only be here for 6 weeks. She’s currently been kicked out of her last house in my home country and my sisters don’t want her to stay with them … I think I just have to move her here whether he agrees or not, even if he says it’s a deal breaker.

  22. I thought older men want casual. Someone to bang and hang with ocassionally. I’m getting…the exact opposite from this one guy. He said he doesn’t want to share me sexually….wtf 🤣🤣

  23. The Bike Medic suggested a third date before we’ve even had our second (that’s tonight — we’re having a sushi picnic in the park). The text banter the last couple of days has been easy and flirty and funny, but I’m not used to being pursued like this! I lean avoidant and typically date other avoidants, so I’m just expecting the other shoe to drop at any moment now. Is there any indication it will? Absolutely not! Do I still kinda want to cut and run just in case? You betcha!

    Seeing a play with the PowerPoint Queen tomorrow, but texting has been a little sporadic over the last couple days. And Four Cats has not meowed his last meow either: we’re hanging out Thursday and I really need to bang this man out of my system before I do something dumb. He’s all the things I love that are also bad for me, and I *really* love junk food.

  24. How big of an age gap is too big? I’m in my late 30s and there is a woman in my running group who definitely seems to be flirting with me. Definitely my type except that she is 15 years younger than I am. Definitely past the “half your age plus 7” guideline but wondering, if she is being flirty, if it’s worth asking her out anyway.

  25. Just so frustrating.

    I communicate what I want. I communicate that I want a relationship and not casual. I communicate and make things clear. I work on myself mentally and physically. I have a good job, I’m funny, kinda hot, look half my age, have a house, hella smart, have hobbies and yet I’m forever dealing with BS from dating.

    The few dates I had…the first guy kept pushing for casual when I clearly stated I wanted a relationship. Not that I would want one with him because he was giving scammer type vibes.

    The second guy who I was hopeful with…just up and ghosted me. Not that it mattered because looking back he didn’t really communicate.

    The last guy was nice but he just talked over me during our first and last meeting.

    Then talking to dudes on apps is forever like pulling teeth. Or if they are responsive it’s always about how cute I am or emojis 😘😘🥰🥰🥰. Which is weird after I ask them something about them and they just give that kind of response. I normally unmatch after 3-4 messages anymore.

    What am I supposed to do? People constantly say one thing then do another. How can I be vulnerable with anyone when there is a never ending bait and switch game being played? I’m just turning into an emotionally unavailable person because I have no trust in the opposite gender.

    Billions of people on this planet and I can’t find one person who is interested in getting to know me? How is that possible?

  26. Is there a term for the “Monday afternoon circleback” where people who couldn’t be bothered to reply to you for three or four days are now all of a sudden engaged again because their weekend and other dates didn’t go as planned? Six of them today. “Also, sorry for the late reply. Here’s my number since I don’t check the app often.” 😑.

    Absolutely exhausting.

  27. Going into a first date really defensive does not allow for either person to be comfortable.

  28. I got a bunch of great feedback on here on my online dating profile and have some updates I want to put through now. I’m still talking to a few girls on there I’ve had dates with. Will it be ok to update my profile? Would it give the impression I’m not keen?

  29. Divorce court tomorrow, after 4 months separated. I signed up with a matchmaking service and will start getting matched next month; 8 guaranteed first dates over the course of the next 1.5 years or so. Wish me luck! Also has anyone tried a service? Curious about your experience if so.

  30. Dating and attraction seems to complicated to ever talk about necessary and sufficient conditions.

    Except confidence. Confidence seems like a necessary condition in dating for men. I really don’t like it. I’m considering just dropping dating altogether because I just can’t foster a confident part of my persona.

    It’s too bad, because I usually apply a principle of reciprocity to these things. I would date an unconfident woman, so it should be fine to date as an unconfident man, but that doesn’t really work.

  31. Not related to dating so if this isn’t allowed I’ll delete it. Since we’re all over 30 I thought it’d be fun to share here and maybe bring some joy to some of us.

    My oldest started sixth grade this week and for some reason I thought I should listen to the music that I liked and the popular songs from when I was that age. It’s been pretty fun honesty.

    Really feeling burritos by sublime today.

  32. I’ve done a lot of traveling in 2022, much more than I have in any other years of my life. In 2022, though, it’s been primarily solo-traveling, after the 6 years years before that of traveling mostly with my ex.

    Solo-traveling feels really free since you can do whatever you want without compromising or coordinating with anyone else. On the other hand, though, it’s really nice when there’s someone else there to take photos with/of and share all the experiences and sights.

    Meh.

  33. Female in my 30s here. Ive grown self conscious of how my body has changed. its not even bad or about my physical fitness. but simply different! and with white hairs on my head im feeling pressure to wax the curtains too. before the pandemic i was always going out & flirting was easy. but maybe too much isolation has been bad for me. its kept me from dating if im honest. like i have no clue what the standards are now that im in my 30s and so many years of pandemic have passed but im dying to get back in the game.

  34. Going on a date tomorrow and he just changed his age in his profile. Should I ask about it today, or just let it be and see how the date goes?

    Honesty is important to me also open communication.

  35. Every time I think I’m ready to date, I keep attracting the wrong men that prove to me that I’m not finished with some inner self work. Shoot.

  36. I thought about making a big long post and asking everyone their thoughts but I know I’m right. I didn’t trust the character of someone that actively lied to me, hung out with sex workers after hours at a bar, became a drug dealer and lied about that, and was generally just a big baby whenever I brought up anything he did to hurt my feelings. Tired of babysitting grown men. Nice guys are never really nice guys.

    I’ve done this for 15 years of dating. I’ve given so much to men that probably can’t even tie their own shoes without help. Sick of it. I’ll never do this to myself again. If anyone wants context you can look at my post history.

    I think this was the final straw for me forever. I’m never lowering my standards again and they will be high

  37. What the hell is up with the “bonus points if you _____” statement on profiles? Is this supposed to be a low-key flex about a thing you know that you think is impressive? Am I being graded for something with a points-based system?

  38. My ex’s birthday is tmrw and I really want to reach out because I miss him, but that would be extremely selfish of me and I don’t think it would lead to anything productive.

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