My girlfriend and me have been together for years now, but I’m still confused by the way she enjoys sex. She is way, way into giving oral sex, with titjobs and handjobs mixed in. She gets off on it and is satisfied with sex if giving me oral is all we do. She’s uninterested in receiving oral sex herself or other activities like that, such as me fingering her. She doesn’t hate it, but it doesn’t do all that much for her.

Meanwhile, penetrative sex she enjoys in its own way, but it’s through how much I want her, the intimacy between us and feeling the way she makes me feel good. When she wants to get off though, the quickest way is through giving oral sex. The dirty talk she likes is similar, where she enjoys egging me on and hearing me say how good she makes me feel.

The way she’s explained it to me is by joking that she’s an empathy junky and that there’s something about my reactions that triggers it like crazy. Apparently, I’m expressive in a way that’s very stimulating to her. She’s got a much stronger sex drive than me and has told me that she’s more or less fine with whatever we do sexually as long as she can feel that I’m really into it.

While we’ve been together for multiple years now, I’m still pretty puzzled by all of this. It’s not that I don’t believe her, but I still can’t quite place how she feels that way and part of me is worried that I’m overlooking something and not contributing as much to making her feel good as I could be. I’ve seen guys on reddit talk about how much they love giving oral, but the hyperbole they use for it makes it hard to believe them and I don’t recall women saying the same thing. Can anyone with related experiences from either the receiving or giving end share their thoughts on this?

34 comments

  1. First of all: you lucky dog.

    Second, some people do indeed *really* like giving head. “Empathy junky” is probably a good way of putting it. They get off on how good they can make others feel.

    As long as the two of you are satisfied, don’t ask … just enjoy!

  2. Keep in mind the benefits to her when she gives head, a tit fuck, or hand job, namely that she doesn’t need to worry about getting pregnant. She can give you pleasure and feel at ease doing so.

  3. Lots of people in the comments aren’t reading this the way I am. He said they have vagina sex.

    Anyway, my thoughts are that it’s hard to fully understand someone’s sexual motivations, kinks, etc because there’s a lot of things that go into. It seems like she tried explain it for you. I’m not sure you’ll ever have full understanding because you’re not her and don’t feel what she feels. You just have to decide whether or not you are cool with it.

  4. F43 here – I prefer giving oral sex above everything else, too. I’m more into things like fingering and doggy style than it sounds like your girlfriend is, but I really understand her explanation around empathy. The biggest turn on for me, is turning my man on.

  5. I would nonetheless try to give your lady oral sex from time to time. Over time, she will probably learn to enjoy receiving oral sex and probably even experience orgasms.

  6. As a Demisexual I need deep emotional connections to someone before I feel anything even remotely good sexually, so if I’m with someone and I can see and feel they are really enjoying something I am doing for them or too them then it builds that emotional connection and allows me to feel something from it.

    I love being around emotional and expressive people, I love that term your GF gives it, “Empathy Junkie”, I always thought of it as being an “Emotional Vampire”, as I always felt I needed to feed off someone else’s positive sexual emotions to feel anything myself.

    And just as a food for thought, maybe the reason she not bothered about being pleasured like going down on her is because she can’t read your emotions and body language if she is on her back, knowing you like something and feeling you like something is two very different things.

    Maybe invest in a couple of really large mirrors, position them in a way so if you do go down on your GF she can also see what you are doing, it may help her to then be able to read your emotions like she does when she’s giving you head or a tit job and stuff.

  9. I have a fwb who is kinda the male version of this. While he does like receiving oral & handjobs & does like piv sex, his favorite thing is giving head. He’ll beg me to let him do it & has had other partners where that is all they’ve done (just him eating her out). I think you should just believe your girl & not worry about it. Some people prefer giving and some prefer receiving.

  11. “Empathy junkie” screams “validation junkie” to me. Obviously this may not be true, but typically women are taught pleasing men is our sexual script. It took me over ten years to really understand enjoying sexual pleasure for me, independent of a man simultaneously enjoying me. All I hear are similar sentiments from my girl friends. Once I figured this out, figured out why I felt I needed that validation at my own expense and figure out what exactly I got out of feeling like I was the “best gf ever” by being so heavily invested in my various partner’s pleasure vs my own, I used that to begin appropriately addressing my personal sexual script and I balanced out. I still love giving my partner “freebies”, but I have learned to make more sexual space for myself over time.

  15. Everyone is different. Not all women enjoy receiving oral. It sounds like everything is going great for you two. She’s pleasing you. It pleases her to please you. Roll with it and have lots of sex.

  16. Well I’m a gay guy and I can identify with her in some ways. I love giving guys head and feel sexually fulfilled just doing that. For me, I enjoy knowing that I’m able to give him pleasure and make him cum with my mouth and hands. It’s really about focusing on his pleasure and I derive pleasure from that.

    The same goes for me when I’m bottoming for a guy. While I love it, I really enjoy the idea that he is enjoying topping me.

  17. many people who are into service submission are like that. perhaps that’s something you can explore if you’re comfortable with the concept.

  18. Empath giver here. I love nothing more than to just lick/tease my partner for hours. Its a lot more about giving. I think you’ve hit the jackpot sir….

  19. Everyone is turned on and “gets off” on different things. Hers happens to be giving oral more than receiving anything else. There is nothing wrong with that.

    Her excitement is more in giving pleasure than receiving. And if you think about it, giving a blowjob to someone you love is a very intimate thing to do. It is the most sensual part of the male and she derives satisfaction from an intimate connection. Not enjoying receiving oral is not extremely uncommon.

    It’s much better that all of her thrills are spent with you as opposed to porn. You like what you like and she likes what she likes. Nothing wrong with that and it can be healthy for a relationship as well.

    Maybe she’ll come around to enjoying penetrative sex more in the future. Give it time and let HER arrive at that conclusion when she wants to.

  20. have a friend who`s wife waslike this before marriage. after marriage everything was on the table. she just didn`t want to get pregnant out of wedlock

  21. I wouldnt go as far as to say I prefer oral sex over everything else, but a lot of what you said reminds me of the way I feel with my bf. To put it bluntly, I love the way his dick feels in my mouth, and I’m kind of a slut for his validation. Turning him on turns me on to the max, but there’s also just something so hot about having a dick in your mouth. Simple as that. I love his reactions and it’s fun for me. I do love penetrative sex more though, but I’d say I love giving oral more than your average person.

    I like receiving oral, but I’ll be honest that my bf isn’t the best at it which is why I wouldn’t put it up there in the sex act rankings

  23. Question: does she reach orgasm?? What does that take?

    I wonder how she would respond to you giving her oral or PIV and you being very vocally and obviously into it.

  24. I had a girlfriend that was like this. She really got off on giving me head and making me cum. She was just amazing by the blowjobs she would give. She would moan while going down on me. She told me she got off on me getting off which I understand cause I feel the same way. Only a couple of women could make me cum from just oral and she was the best. The fact is that a lot of women have no idea how to give a really good blowjob but the ones that do are great. I have a different girlfriend now but we are still good friends.

  25. Don’t over think this. She has told you how she feels. I assume you know her well enough to take her at her word

  26. I wouldn’t worry about it much. I’m the same way as your girlfriend tbh idk how to explain it but giving your man a blowjob is just such a hot experience

  28. I (F24) can relate to your girlfriend here – I don’t think you’re missing anything. I absolutely love giving my partner oral and can do that and not receive anything back and be super satisfied. There’s just an inordinate amount of pleasure to be gained for me by seeing how much pleasure I can give him and when you can see that a guy really wants you and is really enjoying what you’re doing with him it’s a massive turn on and feels so good. So maybe like me she is a big people pleaser – it’s a trait I feel can very much seep into sexual territories

  29. Don’t get me wrong, I love to get off by having my own bits stimulated.. but damn, hearing, seeing my partner satisfied, meeting their needs.. that gets me going on a whole other level.

  31. I love giving oral. I am the best of the best ( very cocky I know) its because I am a pleaser it gets me off to please my partner. Especially when he praises me while I do it. I will cum very fast after giving a blow job with penetration. I suggest you try praising her if you’ve never done that before.

    As for receiving oral, I do not enjoy it. It’s not that it doesn’t feel good I actually masturbate only with clit stimulation usually. But with a partner the activity is all about pleasing my partner that gets me to the finish line.

  32. Lucky, lucky man you are. My first real girlfriend was the same way. She would pull me into a private room almost anywhere we were and give me a blowjob or handjob. Oh, how I miss those days……..

  34. You should be content. Oral is not for everyone because some people are bad at it. I enjoy it more than sex I see it more romantic. 🤣

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