My (24f) boyfriend (25) of 8 years has let me know some time ago that he is not into eating pussy. Since then I have not asked him to do it or hinted at it in any way, but I still struggle to accept it. One part of me understands that it’s just something he doesn’t like, it’s not so important, and I’m better off letting it go, but I don’t know how. It’s something that really turns me on, I feel jealous every time I hear about other men liking it, and that saddens me.
Other than that we are mostly sexually compatible and see a future together. Having other sexual partners is not an option for us, although I could theoretically see myself being comfortable with it.
If you have any tips on how to accept and let go, please share!
EDIT: to address some common questions – I like going down on him and only do it when I want to. He isn’t just reluctant to eat me out, but does not like it and doesn’t feel comfortable with it. I have gotten eaten out before, by him as well, then after a discussion on why is he look so uncomfortable he confessed he didn’t like doing it. Getting eaten out is important to me, but him not doing it is not a deal breaker, otherwise I wouldn’t be looking for ways to accept it. Everything else in the relationship is great, I’m just looking for ways not to dwell on this one thing.
A little concerning how many people went straight to “DUMP HIM” lol but I thank everyone who shared their perspective on this dynamic we’re having, will make it easier for me to discuss this with him in the future.
45 comments
You don’t have to accept it if you don’t want to.
Do you still give him head?
Don’t EVER settle for being with a selfish one-sided lover. Life is too short. And if you two were truly sexually compatible, you wouldn’t be on Reddit posting your woes…
Sorry, unfortunately I have no tips on accepting it because it’s not acceptable, period.
I don’t *like* taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, cleaning the gutters, or doing dishes. Does that mean I don’t do them?
Receiving oral means a lot to you. Sit your boyfriend down and tell him you’re not satisfied without it. That might light a fire under his ass.
It’s a tough call. I love going down on my wife. I’ve always enjoyed going down on women. Just as much as penetration. For me it’s the build up and pleasing my partner and seeing them being pleased. I’ve never done it expecting reciprocation. Now, my wife does not go down on me nearly as much as she did prior to marriage (which wasn’t much) but I enjoyed it just the same. 22 years in and I really miss it at this point in my life. You have to evaluate how important your relationship is to you. I’m sorry you feel like that and I can relate on the flip side. Sounds like you need to have a serious discussion about how it’s important to you. Do you go down on him?
Find a new BF??? I know everyone is different on the bedroom, but there are plenty of guys out there like me who enjoy enjoy going down on woman more than anything else… Seriously its like I get to have my cake and eat it too!!! I don’t understand how guys don’t love doing this. I actually enjoy getting my wife off more than I like getting off myself, especially when giving her oral because her legs squeeze my face and she pulls my face into her when cumming. If that’s not an ego boost I don’t know what is.
I think before you “let it go” you should let him know that it is in fact a big deal to you. You tried to take the “it’s not so important” approach but you’re on Reddit talking to us about it and feeling jealous of others. I think you should let him know. If he still doesn’t want to do it, then you can decide if it’s a dealbreaker or not.
Stop sucking his dick. He’ll learn to like it soon enough.
(Joking here!) 😆
You can try other things like toys and extensive foreplay to help improve your sex life. As long as he does work to get you off its not a horrible thing. Some folks don’t like anal sex. Some don’t like sucking dick. And, sadly, many men don’t like performing cunilingus.
As long as your relationship is fulfilling, healthy and equitable you might not want to think about another partner. Relationships are hard work and finding a good partner can be hell.
Just be cautious! Look for patterns where he expects more from you than he’s willing to give in return. If that’s not an issue, you should try and work through the sex stuff.
https://mylorals.com/
You’re welcome.
You don’t have to settle if you get a partner that likes it.
Don’t settle. I will ask though, does he like getting a BJ? Does he ask? It’s not reasonable to ask for acts that you won’t reciprocate.
Here’s the problem – most women have trouble with (or never get to) orgasm from PIV sex due to biology (little clit stim from PIV). So a man who refuses to give oral is typically causing MAJOR lack of sexual satisfaction in his partner. To say nothing of the emotional hurt that comes from knowing that your partner isn’t actually that invested in your happiness.
You are 100% correct for respecting his boundaries. You cannot force someone to perform sex acts that they don’t want to do.
That said – you live one time. One time only. Let’s say this relationship lasts. How will you feel in five years, knowing that his limit here was more important to him than your satisfaction and happiness? In ten years? In twenty?
Is that the relationship that you want?
If not – it’s perfectly okay to seek a partner you are more compatible with, who you know values your happiness.
Your 24 years old….. your really young to give up something you truly enjoy for the rest of your life.
Is it the taste/smell that bothers him? If so, take a shower before bed. You will have no taste or smell then.
Maybe have an in depth curiosity discussion to help you understand his point of view. This might be helpful for you to process the loss because it helps you understand what’s going on for him.
Get a new boyfriend
I thought people shouldn’t do things that they don’t feel comfortable doing, is that valid only for women? The comments are really trash.
I wouldn’t stay with a person who doesn’t do oral, but i definitely wouldn’t insult them or withold sexual act to get what i want, that’s pretty shitty of all of you. Op explore why he doesn’t like it and if you want a partner who goes down on you, wou will have to break up, no hard feelings, it’s just an incompatibility.
I go down on my g/f first about 90% of the time and she loves it. I would say you missing out on one of the most intimate pleasures of sex. On flipside you are respecting his boundaries while suffering.
tbh he’s weird for making you his gf and he don’t wanna dive deep down there
Complete lack of oral is an easily justifiable deal breaker IMO. Life is too short.
You should not have to go the rest of your life without having your pussy eaten. Oral sex is a big part of many people’s sexual relationship. The pleasure, intimacy and sensuous experience of oral sex is like no other sex. He can learn to eat pussy if he wants to give you the pleasure you deserve. You should address this issue with him now. It will just keep getting worse as you realize how unfair not getting oral sex is to you. Please don’t let your relationship get to the point where it can not be repaired.
You dont have to accept it. Either you decide it is a deal breaker for you and your bf try to do it or he is not able to do it and you go both your ways. Nothing is futile in a relationship. You deserve to have what you want. 4 billions other man to please you
Since you say there’s no other issues I’d try to meet eachother half way for a compromise. He does have the right to say no but maybe something like “all I want for my birthday and Christmas is some head” might do the trick. For a lot of guys they don’t like it when there younger and learn to love it latter in life. If a compromise can keep you both satisfied then everything else is already good as you described.
Are there toys you could introduce to mimic the sensation? Is he happy stimulating you with his hands too?
It sounds like it’s not a dealbreaker for you, and that you respect his boundaries, so you are heading towards radical acceptance or compromise, which can both be positive for your relationship… unless hearing that makes you realise it is indeed a dealbreaker
And not to sadden you, but it’s something I love doing. I can’t get enough of it. BUT if it helps to know you aren’t alone in your frustration, my wife doesn’t allow it (yet).
This kind of stuff needs to be taught in sex ed. about preferences and how to find compatible partners.
There are open relationships/polyamory where your needs could be met by someone else? No one person can ever meet all one’s needs. Not to say this is the answer but it could be a discussion if you and he have any interest in it. Also, good on you for being so understanding. But don’t forget that you’re pleasure and happiness are important too. There could be others who are great partners too who will take your pleasure and happiness seriously in more aspects of your relationship. Being with someone that long from that young of age can make it feel impossible to see a different future but it’s very possible.
All the women saying “stop sucking his dick to get back at him” so him communicating like an adult what he doesn’t and does like is bad and giving her advice like “stop sucking his dick to get back at him” that’s disgusting. If he doesn’t like it he doesn’t have to do it. There are many other ways she can get pleasured. Honestly disgusting from the women in these comments
L bf
I just got the ROSE. It’s great. Was on Groupon for $15.
You’re young. Don’t settle. This is exactly how you end up with a boring, dead bedroom.
If sexual compatibility isn’t important for you for a long term relationship then you just accept it. Not sure what advice ppl could give for how to accept and let go…you just do it if you’re set on staying with him. You could masturbate more, you could suggest sex therapy if he wants to try but you already knew that about him in the beginning so idk, there’s not a extra magical step you can take tbh…you just live with it. After 8 years he’s not changing. He knows you’re not leaving.
This is hands down a dealbreaker for me, can’t be with a guy who doesn’t enjoy that but for me sex is important for compatibility
If he doesn’t know that it’s something you really like, he might just think that you’re okay with it. Resentment will build on your end. I don’t even think that getting eaten out is extremely important to me, but I wouldn’t be with someone who didn’t want to. Because that means going my whole life without it. You’ve gone 8 years without it. You have to think about if it’s something you can live with for the rest of your life. If you’re frustrated now, just think about how it’ll feel after 8 more years. It’s important for your partner to know what you want- he can choose not to do it still, but he has to know what that potentially means for your relationship.
Did you enjoy receiving oral from previous partners? The reason I ask is that if you’ve experienced great oral before and you miss it, then it’s a different kind of problem than if you can live without it because you don’t know what you’re missing.
I used to hate going down on women and my wife, I have ADHD and the smell/taste would always really get to me.
Then one day, I just looked up what vaginas taste like and read an article about it on Healthline. Once I read that and knew what it was supposed to be like, I felt so much more comfortable.
Now I love the way it tastes, and my favorite part is seeing how far inside I can get my tongue.
Men who refuse to perform oral should be considered a dealbreaker. For men, oral sex is like the chocolate chips in a cookie. It makes it better but not necessary. For women in general, it’s more like the sugar. Without it, you MIGHT have something like a cookie but not probably not very edible.
Only you can decide for yourself what is acceptable or not but I see men refusing to perform oral as very selfish lovers.
Feel like he’d soon make the effort if you stopped sucking his dick.
I think it says a lot when a person who is not into the lifestyle suggests having other sexual partners to fulfill a need that is not being met.
To me, personally, that means that that need is extremely important. And very possibly be something that cannot be happily lived without.
Just me.
Just don’t.
First thing is to decide how important this is to you. Will you leave if he never does?
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I mean yeah, that does suck but you kind of dug yourself in a hole by letting it slide years ago. You let him off the hook basically. 8 years is a long ass time and it’d be a real shame to throw that away. Maybe ask him what it is he doesn’t like about it? If it’s a smell, you could try and figure out what or how to change it? If it’s the taste, idk.. put some chocolate ice cream on it? But since you are compatible in everything else, like I said, it’d be a shame to throw it all away.
My bf doesn’t go down on me too but I don’t mind it. I’m very satisfied on penetration and have at least 3 orgasm before he does.
If it’s because he doesn’t like the taste you could suggest (obviously tell him if he doesn’t want to it’s perfectly fine) you guys use a dental dam.
This is really not a good place to get advice on stuff like this. Most of these people will try to convince you to leave him, have an open relationship, or force him into doing it.
I suggest you have an open conversation with him about it. Maybe you can compromise and make it a special occasion thing? If you like it so much, you’ll have something great to look forward to. If he says he doesn’t want to, and everything else about your relationship and sex life is good, you’ll just have to suck it up. Good luck
You could find someone down for the occasional sneaky snack 👍
What are his reasons for not liking it? Is it the taste, smell, clostraphobia? There’s things that can be used for flavor? He should at least be willing to try to work thru his fear, if he truly loves you.
He told you he’s not into pussy eating? That’s the reality to accept. Find someone who likes oral as much as you want it.
I had two long term relationships. In the first one I didn’t go down on her often. Can’t even say why. I didn’t specifically dislike it but it seemed just not part of our sex life. She did ask me sometimes. But not insisting that much. Had she insisted I might have done it more. Now in my current relationship I go down on my GF all the time and I love it and she loves it. The difference is that she goes off from it so hard and I love that. She sometimes pushes my head down and I tease her a bit by licking her belly button and then go down. So maybe give it a try to be a bit more dominant and if he does it really show him the pleasure you get from it. For me what turns me on most is my GFs pleasure and maybe that might work in your case as well. Also if she’s freshly waxed that increases the joy of giving head for me. Or suggest 69?
I’m not reading comments till I write this.
Does he make you finish from PIV sex if not I would say you guys got a problem, but if yes then what is the difference between him not going down on you and females that won’t suck dick.
My wife and I have been together 21 years she has sucked my dick to completion maybe 5 times. Yes I would like it but she doesn’t like it.
Now I will say this much I didn’t like going down on my wife when we started dating, I later figured that I didn’t know what I was doing. As I got good I realized I loved it! May be watching videos together on giving oral sex might help.
Are you always clean before he goes down there? Is your hair trimmed? Do you guide him and react when he is hitting the right spot? All this can make a huge difference.