This is very difficult to talk about but here goes. I (35m) was unfortunately repeatedly taken advantage of when I was 6 years old. My cousin and his girlfriend would train me to perform certain sex acts for them. It was so severe that when I visited their house I automatically just undressed myself and they would have their way with me. I have told my girlfriend some of the things they used to do to me but I can’t go into much detail because she starts to cry and I feel so guilty for making her cry. I was only 6 but they would push me to perform oral, my mouth and throat were small and just couldn’t handle my cousins penis. He had a lot of girth so I would really struggle to get around his foreskin and keep going down as my mouth get tired and would hurt a lot. If I failed to pleasure him or fail to do it the way he liked (which was often) his girlfriend would punch my really hard in my balls or spank me repeatedly to the point where I would bleed. I couldn’t sit down for weeks sometimes.
When my cousin or his girlfriend performed oral on me it was really rough, I remember begging them to stop but they wouldn’t, they’d punch my balls instead so I couldn’t speak as I was in so much pain in my stomach. This only really ended when my cousin drank himself to an early grave and his girlfriend later overdosed on something and ended up killing herself.
At the moment when my girlfriend tries to perform oral on me my stomach really starts hurting and I feel very nauseous, I feel like I was punched really hard in the balls again but without the pain down there. We’ve tried so many different things such as me taking the lead, having her slow down but I just can’t do it. I keep having either pain when she isn’t even hurting me or I feel so anxious that I literally can’t breathe and I have to sit down or I feel like I’m going to pass out. Does anyone have any experience of this as well? What can I do to enjoy oral in both giving and receiving?
5 comments
I’m so, so, so sorry this happened to you. Your response is understandable. Also, don’t mistake your gf’s crying as not wanting to hear your story. Any sane person would have an emotional reaction, especially someone who cares about you.
I would see a therapist and work on your trauma. There’s no shame in it whatsoever, and it’s clearly the source of your (again, understandable), response to certain types of intimacy.
If this were my boyfriend, I would want to know no matter how upset it makes me. It will really help her understand you and your past. She’s crying because she cares about you a lot. You aren’t upsetting her yourself but your story is sad to begin with. If you want to share it and she’s willing to listen then don’t hold back. As for the pain you’re feeling now, it could be alittle ptsd from that past horrible experience. Have you talked to a therapist? I think therapy could be necessary into changing your mind into thinking sex is associated with something horrible. A therapist will help teach you tools to fix what you’re feeling. On another note, I’m so sorry that happened to you. In the mean time, maybe don’t have her perform oral on you until you can get more comfortable with it and more willing to explore. I am sure she’ll understand if she loves you
This was honestly so horrible to read. IM SO SORRY THAT YOU EXPERIENCED THIS! I’m sorry nobody protected you! You didn’t deserve it.
Please see a therapist to help you process your trauma and find a way forward.
I can only imagine the hurt you’ve been through, it’s heartbreaking to anyone with empathy. In my opinion, your focus should be on accepting the reality of how your past trauma has impacted you and continues to impact you. As much as you desire having “normalcy” during oral/sex instead of your intense physical/emotional reaction, it is so important that you show yourself forgiveness, because what you have gone through was not your choice. Instead of focusing on how you can stop the feelings, it will benefit you to really work through the feelings and emotions, whether that be with a therapist, sex therapist, or other professional. Trying to ignore or bottle up the extreme discomfort you experience will not help you heal and grow from it – a lot of time, acceptance, and effort may be necessary to achieve the “normalcy” you want.
Oh my gosh, my heart breaks for you reading this. 😰💔. I am so so sorry. You’re so brave for sharing this, you’ve survived a lot.
This is some serious stuff. You really need to get some therapy. I strongly recommend seeking a therapist out or talking to your doctor and seeing if you can get a referral so it’s cheaper for you. Try to ask for someone who has experience working with sexual abuse survivors. Therapy is really gonna help you out; sexual abuse leaves scars that don’t easily go away on their own.
I think for now, maybe you should put a stop to sexual contact that makes you at all uncomfortable. If there’s stuff you are okay with and feel good doing, then by all means, keep doing it. But the symptoms of stress and panic that you are describing are terrible. Just stop doing any sort of activity that triggers you like this. You shouldn’t be putting more pain and pressure on yourself. I hope your girlfriend is supportive of you. Good luck ❤️