I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year. I got diagnosed with a rare health issue a few months ago that changed the course of my life. As a result, I have been mostly homebound the past few months trying to heal from my situation. During this time, I have also been extremely negative about my situation and complain to him about it everyday, and I would get super upset when he would do his normal activities such as spending time traveling the world with his friends all the time, going to events etc. that I can’t go to.
Prior to my health problems my boyfriend was sure that he wanted to marry me, and we were planning on getting engaged/married. Since my health problems, he has his doubts about our future, but he doesn’t want to end it. He stated the reasons for his doubts were my health problems, my negative attitude towards them, and me getting upset about him living his life while I am not able to.
I plan on changing my attitude towards my health and getting angry, but I can’t change the health problems that I have. I also have a mild case of my health problems, and I realize that I am a lot more fortunate than others. I have no problem with living (most) of the rest of my life homebound so that I can not worsen. I am concerned about getting worse in the future, and I have doubts about my partner being there for me if I was to get worse. He also has doubts about our future in general because of my health problems.
Should I break up with him?
TLDR: My boyfriend has doubts because of my health. What should I do?
3 comments
Doesn’t seem like there is much you can do. Just hope for medical advancement of some type I suppose. Plus I guess not take it too personally if you boyfriend does want to end things. I guess also try experimental treatments etc.
It’s understandable to be upset, since these problems are new for you, but it’s also understandable for him to be thinking about what his life is going to be like. It kind of depends on the health problems. Is this something that flares up occasionally but can be managed? Is this something you can be treated for? If you will be homebound and worsening for the rest of your life, and have been acting like it’s unfair for him to still have a life outside of the house then I can kind of see why he’s hesitant. You’re both still young and you haven’t been dating that long. He sees an alternative with a life that isn’t full of negativity and limitations. It sucks, but it is what it is. I would try to get an idea of what your life could look like with proper management and share that with him. Either he’s open to it or he’s not. It sucks, but it is what it is
Seems like this health issue is permanent. You were unfair towards him by getting angry, but big life adjustments take time. And sometimes illness doesn’t give a shit about what fun plans there are. If this is not someone you can rely on when you are at your most fragile, it’s better to end things. It sounds like your lives are now incompatible, since you can’t stay far from home and he wants to go all over the planet. It leaves little space for adventures together.
You might feel less negative about your illness if you take control over your environment. Meaning setting up methods where others can help you and organize things so you can do it yourself. Sometimes that means there’s no room/space for others, cos your organization is in the way but keeps you functioning.