Hello this is my first post so I’m hoping for kind and helpful responses
I’ve always been fed the idea of being your authentic self to attract the right people, and I know its not supposed to mean that I shouldnt try to be an attractive person in my own right, but thing is, no matter how content I am with myself and how much work I put into my dreams and duties, truth is, I have not been shown any sign of being attractive to any girl in AGES. Yes I had a very short kind of vain relationship back in high school but that’s about it.
No one has been attracted to me ever since. Not even an indirect hint. I dont go around asking every pretty girl out but I have asked out atleast 4-5 people I felt a genuine interest towards in the last 6 years or so and been rejected every time.
I have my own hobbies I enjoy, career goals I’m working towards and I’m quite physically active and fit albeit rather slim by most definitions. And I am decent at socializing too, atleast as much as I need to as a quite introverted person. So I am usually happy and confident in myself. I’ve even had many female friends in the past and even now one of my best friends is. So its not like I’m shy or awkward talking to girls.
However, all this doesnt really matter in the face of the fact that in terms of results, dating has always been a miss for me, does it? So what gives? Am I just not fundamentally attractive enough being the person I enjoy being? In that case, should I just give up on hoping to have a fun and serious love life, or should I change myself in certain ways specifically to attract more romantic interest from women ?
I’m generally a pretty optimistic person btw, but when it comes to dating, I’m starting to lose hope. I still have hope of finding who I want but sometimes the thoughts start to creep in that I’m just deluding myself.
Would really appreciate some real advice
1 comment
Think of it in terms of self-promotion. You might be doing everything right, and on paper seem like the perfect candidate for a relationship. But you are not portraying confidence in yourself.
Why not be your authentic self, and also work on being – or looking like a better self?
The primary thing I noticed when indulging in a self-care type routines – working out, eating health, doing more activities / challenges. Is that I feel better about myself. Be it the physical activity or simply expanding my horizons, meeting people, adding value to something.
This gives me confidence and self assurance. I am a person that has value and I do good things, people like me and I feel physically healthy. So I can confidently walk around with my shoulders back. Girls will tend to notice this – as does everyone. Compared to a person who is avoiding looking at you or engaging in interactions.
When it comes to attracting girls – they are very unlikely to come to you. Most girls have no-game, they can’t flirt or even allude to attraction in ways men will blatantly understand. So recognising friendly conversation to romantically interested is a tough one. So how can you say they’re not at all attracted? Every girl? Why? Because they don’t blatantly show it?
This is were being socially aware, creative, funny and witty traits come in to play. How can you engage with girls, build a repour, without outright saying – “hey I like you, go on date?”