I (25M) know these things are posted all the time, but I just need some help today. Call it “oneitis” or whatever, but it is an unhealthy crush that is killing me. I developed feelings for a friend(25F), asked her out, got rejected, distanced myself, completely turned my life around, saw her again after a year and it’s still nothing.
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First had feelings for her in junior high but I was a greasy nerd and she was dating a senior in HS. We reconnected a few years ago and I immediately developed feelings again but nothing happened. I was not in a good place mentally, but she was the spark that got me started working on myself. I lost 100+ lbs, got my mental health in a good place, went back to school and more. I pretty much got my entire life back on track and set myself right. I worked through problems I’ve had since childhood, and I’m trying to develop into a person I want to be. I did the whole self improvement thing and its great in a lot of ways. I’m a much better person and in a better place now after all the work I’ve put in.
I’ve distanced myself from her over time because of my feelings, but I saw her again last night and I’ll see her at least 2 more times at our friends’ weddings. I didn’t try anything, but it was just clear that nothing was going to happen and the idea of me and her was laughable to other people. Even after losing almost half my weight, I still couldn’t even get a look. It makes me want to kill myself (I won’t). She is my exact type. Like the archetype that I look for in women stems from her. We have similar goals, interests and get along great. She’s just not into me I guess, which is totally fine. I just need some help getting over her.
Right now I’m planning on moving to a new state for work and sort of restarting my life. Continuing to work on myself both mentally and physically. Getting more into my healthy hobbies. I just can’t help the mentality of unrequited feelings. I feel like I’m not good enough because of her. Feels like Fat/skinny, doesn’t matter, my personality is apparently such a turn off that any girl I really like doesn’t like me. She’s nice and turned me down nicely and wished me well, then I deleted her contact. This stupid crush is just killing my mentality and even the thought of her makes me feel terrible again. I know it’s stupid though because we never even dated, but I can’t get my mind right.
3 comments
How old are you?
Bro you have too many feeling. Good job on losing your weight and working on yourself but this never ends!
Honestly I genuinely think it’s just about getting out there and talking to other women and making new connections. I’m a hypocrite, my last comment was about me missing my ex lol.
You know what helped me? The thought of “I’m a good man, I am constantly trying to improve myself and be the best I can be. If she doesn’t want me either she’s dumb or has some interesting preferences that I’m glad to not be a part of”. I know that comes of as cocky, but it’s the mentality you need to learn. That girl was silly enough to turn you down and for what? Superficial things according to you, so would you actually want a woman like that in the long run?
You become depressed and she looks at you differently, or you lose your job or fall on hard times, gain weight etc. And instead of being supportive she’s thinking of leaving? You deserve better than that, I just keep telling myself if I can ever find a woman who looks at me like I looked at my ex. I’d marry the woman in a heartbeat.
I’m sorry you’re going through this bro, I’m 25 too and tbh I don’t think crushes ever die lol. You’re never too old for it, it’s just learning how to cope. Wish you all the best bro
Bro you’re on a good track for yourself. If you think you need to have her living in your mind to push yourself to improve yourself maybe it’s not that bad to have her as an inspiration. Just realize that you’re probably going to meet someone better because she obviously doesn’t deserve you. When you do she might even try to get your attention back to her. Keep up the good work bro and do it for yourself.