Superiority Complex Friend Went on Trip to Italy and Cut off Friends and Family.

Firstly I’d like to apologise to any Italians reading this on behalf of the appropriation I will have to talk about and how cringe it is.

Secondly this is a long story, and it’s because it means so much to me. I actually loved this guy like the brother I never had and to even accept he’s changed so quickly is hard to process.

TL;DR: Friend went away to Italy, decided he is now fake Italian and thinks he is so above everyone else he’s broken friendships and cut off his own family and is halfway to becoming a radicalised young man involuntary without intercourse due to being suddenly very creepy.

Now into the meat of it…

I have a friend I met when I started uni last year called John. We’re both 20, both guys and frankly both a little awkward. Neither of us have great social skills, and I think that’s shown by the fact we met posting niche car culture memes in a debate society lockdown Discord. But once lockdown eased you can be sure we met up within 10 minutes of being back at Uni after Christmas.

And honestly the rest of that year went by really well, we had joint friend groups and went to the same places and got on really well. It was clear that he was more socially naive than inept like myself and honestly was able to make loads of friends around campus fairly quickly. So far, so John. Anybody has an issue, John is there. Honestly I was beyond proud to have him as my best friend to hang out with since I’d lacked that for years.

Roll on the new academic year and John is mostly the same, he has a new student flat and flatmates who me and him both become friends with. He announced in 2 months he will study in Italy and wanted to make the most of his time in the UK with us. We’d keep going out and partying when possible but some toxic traits started to seep in: he started objectifying women in a bit of a creepy way at times and freeloaded entry to clubs and late night Maccies from mates. It was easily chalked up to the naivety and we all had a chat with him and he said he’d learned.

He jets off to Italy. I did try to arrange to see him go at the airport but he got his dates mixed up and I had an exam due that day so couldn’t but still wished him the best. I called him on his first night to check he was alright and make sure he wasn’t feeling lonely away from home. And that’s it. I got sent a few car memes and snapstreaks of beautiful Italian scenery or cars. Not a single call from John. It kinda hurt since I did ask a few times the first month and even offered for my birthday to fly out and meet with him. He declined saying his new (maybe crush?) friend in Italy had her birthday then so I couldn’t go.

And honestly? I just kinda got on with life ignoring him as if he was a Snapchat bot as weird as it sounds because he just never talked to me. Eventually his mum called me for nearly an hour saying she visited him in Italy and he ignored her and his brother for the time they were there and if anything was wrong and how she could rebuild a relationship with him. Honestly it sucks to say and maybe I’m shitty but it was nice to know he wasn’t just being a dick to me. She said how he’d spent thousands of his savings there on constant nights out how he’d been scammed out of €500 for an accomodation scam because he didn’t trust or talk to anyone.

Holding back my tears I managed to keep her calm but finally had to hang up because it just hurt to hear so much I mean bad enough that he was always acting broke back here with us to get free stuff and then spending big but it hurt more that he didn’t even reach out to any friends to ask if this scam was suspicious. Honestly myself and other friends of his just felt like he saw us as inferior to his Italian friends and not worth his time. To them it didn’t matter so much but to me it hurt because this is the guy who in my mind I started my not just uni life but adult social life with so to get no calls or the like hurt.

And when he came back I figured it was a good time to rebuild so I offered him my air bed up in my flat to come stay a week at our uni with his old flatmates and he just it’s hard to explain but he was a straight up dick to everyone. He insulted probably the most stylish guy I know on his suit choice for a family event, said his friend grieving to the point of breaking down “wasn’t his problem” all while trying to get involved in every conversation and it would almost be bearable if he mentioned something other than fucking Italy man. He just had to make every conversation about his time in Italy. And like clockwork the freeloading came back and eventually he managed to break so many friendships that his former flatmates refused to even think about living with him for another year. It just felt like pure main character syndrome (oh and objectification was far worse because it’s “normal” in Italy like yeah that’s bullshit)

How do I save this friendship? How do I reach out to a friend who seems so trapped inside this fake ego he’s built? Because I know deep down he’s insecure and doesn’t see himself as superior, but he keeps acting it. And it’s killing me to think if this course continues I just see him going down a dark path towards a creepy, arrogant guy who can’t admit a mistake and has no close family or friends.

Reddit, what can I do? And John if you ever read this please, please just come and have an open chat with us and we can talk about what replies we get here. I miss you so much bro.