My bf (22M) and I (22F) have known each other for 5 years as friends before dating. We have now been dating for 6 months. He is an amazing guy and he is so understanding and reciprocates my love languages like no other partner I’ve had. We are in an interracial relationship, not going to say our races to keep this as anonymous as possible. My mother and I live together, we don’t really have that good of a relationship but that is another topic. She is in a relationship of her own and is home about 3 days out of the week.
When we first started dating, he was very excited to meet my mom (me and her live together) and offered to take me and her out to dinner to get to know her better. She gave no answer to that. So he ended up meeting her at our home. My mom’s bf happened to be there too. That whole first meeting went well, or so I thought because they were all making conversation and all went smoothly. He was respectful, didn’t make any offensive remarks, offered food, so I thought it went well.
So over the past few months my bf would come over to hangout, pick me up to go out, study, or go to the gym and he would see my mom often and they would chat here and there with no indication that anything was wrong. She would even invite him for dinner from time to time. Then last month, my mom snapped at me about him being over too much and that she wants her space. But again, she’s rarely at home herself so it didn’t make any sense. I told my bf about it and he was pretty upset but he respected her wishes and we have been seeing each other around her schedule.
Then today, a close family member told me that my mom and her bf doesn’t like my bf and wants me to break up with him. She went on to tell me that it was because of his race. I didn’t know what to say, I felt so hurt and angry that she couldn’t even tell me that herself and instead asked a family member to tell me to break up with him, over his race. Ironically, they liked the ex that was emotionally abusive and cheated on me. Thankfully my family member understands boundaries and respects my relationship so they sided with me on this. My mom doesn’t know that I know about this.
I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know how or if I even should tell him about this, he went through something like this in his last relationship and I just feel so bad. How should I approach my mom about this? If at all? Im in no position to move out either.
Tl;dr My boyfriend has done nothing wrong and my mom told my aunt to tell me to break up with him. I don’t know how to go about the situation now as neither my mom knows I know what she said and my bf doesn’t know my mom disapproves of him because of his race.
7 comments
Who cares if she wants you to break up with him? Honest question. She isn’t the one dating him, so who cares?
I know your relative was trying to help, but what good did she actually do by passing along this hearsay?
Your mom and her bf have never said directly to you that they have a problem with your bf’s race and want you to breakup. I would continue to live my life the way I see fit and ignore rumors, pretend you never heard from aunt. If mom has a problem, she can tell you directly.
Spend more time w bf at his home if possible and put your mom on an information diet about your personal life.
If your mom has never said anything to you, how do you know that she actually said anything? Maybe your relative had the issue and is putting it on your mom. Or maybe not. But in either case until your mom says something directly to you, pretend she hasn’t said anything at all. Live your life on confirmable facts and not hearsay.
>Then today, a close family member told me that my mom and her bf doesn’t like my bf and wants me to break up with him. She went on to tell me that it was because of his race. I didn’t know what to say, I felt so hurt and angry that she couldn’t even tell me that herself and instead asked a family member to tell me to break up with him, over his race
That sounds so unbelievably pathetic. If it’s true and your mum actually called up this relative and said “tell my daughter that I don’t like her boyfriend because I’m racist and I want her to break up with him”, isn’t she going to be waiting for some kind of confirmation that you got the memo and have now dumped him? Or is this relative just trying to stir something up?
I would just wash your hands of the pair of them and confront your mum about what was supposedly said and by whom. Let the chips fall where they may, how can you ever go back from this?
Honestly, I don’t know if your mom actually asked your aunt to do this or not, but that’s not very relevant.
Do you want to say anything to your mom directly or ignore her? Are you on a lease with her and is it possible for you to live alone?
Eventually you should say something to your BF, but I am not sure if you should do so now or wait.
> we don’t really have that good of a relationship but that is another topic.
No, it is literally the same topic.
> a close family member told me that my mom and her bf doesn’t like my bf and wants me to break up with him
This family member is an asshole.
>and instead asked a family member to tell me to break up with him
Wait, what? That’s not what you just said.
I think the first thing you to do is to sit and have a talk with your mom. To verify what your aunt told you. If it’s true well you’ll have to tell her that, that’s your man.
One of the most beautiful feeling in life is to love and be loved and for her to rub it from you is wrong and selfish