41m.. single for the first time since 21. Haven’t tried the apps yet, as it all exploded while i was off the market. Also things im hearing abt those are not encouraging.
Im trying to connect in general social situations…i.e bars, running errands whatever. Problem i have noticed is, most women tend to avoid eye contact with me or quickly look away if i do catch them looking. At the same time 2-3 very attractive women have approached me and asked me out, since ive been open to such things in the past few months.
Without sounding like an ass, i wanna say im decent looking, tall, in great shape and dress in a non douchy but also non boring way.
It’s tricky…are they not interested, not looking or just want me to make the approach…like i said…im tall and been told i can come across as intimidating…last thing i wanna do is make anyone feel uncomfortable.
16 comments
Cold approaching in-person is walking a tightrope.
And if you aren’t 100% sure of their interest, you will be intruding.
Social expectations have changed a bunch. Which is why many prefer the apps since there’s a 100% overlap between people who want something and people who are open to being approached there.
That being said? Sure. The apps themselves will only return the effort that’s put in.
There is no magic “match me with the perfect person” button.
I’m distracted. Most of the time I don’t even notice there was eye contact. I’d say you being tall has nothing to do with it.
Maybe because of that I don’t mind men approaching me anywhere, as long as they’re not insistent after I show clear signs that I don’t want to continue the conversarion.
>Problem i have noticed is, most women tend to avoid eye contact with me or quickly look away if i do catch them looking.
As a woman, if I do this then it means I’ve looked at you for some reason (maybe you’re good looking or maybe you have a huge booger hanging out of your nose 🤷🏼♀️) but I’m not interested in being approached (because I’m not single, I’m not in the mood, etc). If I’m interested, I will hold eye contact for a few seconds.
Basically, my advice is not to approach women who are avoiding eye contact. They aren’t playing games. They’re not interested.
Tall is good. Your potential market just expanded by 50+%
I don’t think your supposed to cold approach these days. But I may have just seen too many rants on Reddit.
If women aren’t keeping eye contact, that seems like a clear signal they’re not interested in chatting.
If women approach you, that seems like a clear signal they are interested in chatting.
You got this! It’s body language 101. No eye contact = do not approach.
I’m a woman. I get approached regularly. Don’t do it. If I look away instead of making eye contact and smiling I’m not interested.
That said, if you’re going to approach anyway, do it in a non-threatening way. Ask her for her opinion or help on something in a store and see how chatty she seems. Ask her if she’d recommend the beer she has for your next drink. Don’t be physically imposing, especially since you are tall- give her distance and don’t corner or try to touch her.
I would mostly disregard body language especially from strangers. It’s inherently unreliable as any body language expert will tell you. You have to have a baseline of their body language in various situations to be able to make any even remotely accurate assessments, which you just aren’t going to know with a complete stranger. So without that, you’re just guessing. Some will look away and act shy when they are interested in you. Others will come up to you and be friendly and comfortable around you because they aren’t interested in romantically you at all. The only way to really know is to ask for the number and ask for the date.
There’s no mixed signals here. Women do occasionally glance in the direction of men without wanting them to come and talk to us lol.
Congratulations for being tall though I guess 😂
I’m quite shy, so holding eye contact isn’t something I would do personally, I would probably look at then look away 😂😂.
I think it depends how you approach. If I was in a bookshop and a guy was asking if I had read a book or gave his opinion on a book I was looking at then I think that’s a good way to start it. If someone isn’t interested they will then end the conversation quickly.
If someone just came up to me and started flirting or asked me out/came on too strong, then I would be out of there.
Generally is someone is interested they will hold eye contract for a second or two. Enough for you to notice. DO NOT approach anyone avoiding eye contact with you
>41m.. single for the first time since 21.
There’s probably going to be a stiff learning curve for you. First off, only ~20% of women between 30-49 are single. And then all the attraction/lifestyle/values filters kick in on top of that. The odds that some random at the store is giving you the eye is pretty low. Bars and other explicit social events are a better bet, but you’re still playing with low odds.
People love to talk trash about the apps but they have been successful for a reason. There is not conspiracy to prevent us from meeting out in meat space. Apps were not forced upon the population. They solve several problems at once. Sure that comes at a cost, but on balance they deliver.
You can keep trying to figure out the secret to flirting with women in the produce section, or picking up random folks drinking alone at bars if you want, but the reality is that unless you are part of a very large and active social scene then you will not meet many single women just out and about.
Obviously people do still meet the old fashioned way, but there’s no secret to it. Just be very social and talk to lots of women with no expectation and be interesting enough that they want to talk to you and observe subtle social cues and make your move when the time is right, however often that might happen.
I avoid eye contact because I’m shy, but I do look and smile at first glance. If you feel comfortable enough please approach. But only if you are comfortable
those aren’t social situations, those are public situations. how do you not understand the difference?
doesn’t matter if you’re attractive, if someone isn’t looking, they’re not going to respond. and invading someone’s space can make it even worse.
Were you first introduced to these women by friends in these social situations? Or are you just making advances on strangers in public?
If people I know can vouch for the stranger, there is less fear they might murder me.
Edit: Make sure you are meeting and asking out the people you meet through your social circle. People know who their single friends are, so ask them to introduce you.