We’ve been together 5 years. Our only argument is about sex.
He doesn’t do anything ever to turn me on, he comes home and watches tv and eats and so do I. I will never get horny from sitting on the couch watching tv.
Then he’ll say something like “let’s fuck” or “we haven’t fucked in a while” or “suck my dick” because he’ll get hard for no reason, and expect me to just get wet and be ready to have sex whenever. I tell him all the time, I need to feel loved or something to get wet. Like for example, the last time we had sex was cause we were laughing and playing around in the kitchen and we were hugging and I got horny.
I tell him this all the time, I’m communicating what I need in order for him to get what he needs, but he’s expecting me to initiate because whenever he initiates by saying “let’s fuck” I say no.
We’re just arguing about it and I’m telling him I don’t feel wanted so I’m not giving you what you want and he said “I don’t do trades like that”. And then he asked me to scratch his head because that’s the only thing I can give him and I said why would I do that when you’re making me feel like shit by saying that. And then he’s like if I don’t get what I want I’ll leave this relationship and I said I told you many times how to turn me on and you don’t do it. It’s been 5 years of me repeating myself over and over. When he’s saying he would leave I was like I don’t want to talk to you anymore and I left the room and he said I’m manipulating him by doing that. At this point I’m thinking like if you refuse to listen to what I’ve been saying for us to both enjoy our sex life and you’re going to leave then you’re an idiot. And he’s going to have the same problem in any other relationship.
Even when I come across videos on tiktok that help explain that girls like to feel wanted and stuff he doesn’t get it.
28 comments
You would be doing a favor for both of you by leaving.
Just saying
I feel like since it’s been 5 years of you constantly repeating yourself, it’s better off you leave him. He clearly isn’t getting the message in any way and the issue is just on going.
Why have you stayed? Seriously? If this has been going on for 5 years and he has never shown any indication of wanting to please you what is keeping you?
Dude needs a fleshlight. Most can’t get in the mood that way. He’s not romantic or considerate.
He’s telling you *to your face* that he doesn’t care about your pleasure.
What you want is intimacy in order to have sex, and it doesn’t sound like he’s capable of it.
Let him leave
To be honest with you this issue could be resolved, but even if this issue is resolved it doesn’t sound like he is very open to your needs to listening to what you are communicating. Very hard to say from a summary on the internet but if he is similar in his disregard of your requests in other matters in the relationship I would advise counselling to try and improve the communication and failing that find someone who listens and puts in the work
My ex was just like this, his crude way of speaking actually was a huge turn off for me. Sounds like he’s pretty self obsessed. You’d be a lot happier with someone who’s actually considerate of your feelings.
Tell him you can’t drive a car without turning on the ignition.
Why on earth are you with him?
He doesn’t express his love for you.
He doesn’t care whether you feel loved or you enjoy sex.
If he won’t even TRY after 5 years, what makes you think he might start anytime soon? Genuine question
Check out the book *Come as You Are* by Emily Nagoski.
You know what they say the definition of insanity is, right? It’s repeating the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. The next time he says he’ll leave, point out the door to him.
He doesn’t own the right to your body. It’s sad that when he says if he can’t get what he wants then he’ll leave. Sounds a bit one sided in my opinion. It’s better to find someone who’s not addicted to porn and who’s more respectful imo
I think there is a basic misunderstanding here at play:
you needing to feel turned on is not **transactional** as he believes it to be, it’s not a trade. it’s fundamental for any intimacy. it actually makes me sad to believe that he doesn’t think it’s fun, sexy or otherwise part of the opportunity to connect with you to turn you on.
Lol… him calling you manipulative for leaving the conversation after he threatens to leave after not getting what he wants is a real class act.
So he doesn’t do trades but he does ultimatums? He sounds really immature, as though everything he thinks he knows about sex he learned from watching porn, despite having a real, live woman sharing the same bed. Sadly your sex life seems to sum up the relationship. You might need to move out for a while to give him space to think about things.
Young men and women think the opposite gender feels precisely like them about intimacy. I recommend teaching him about intimacy with women.
Read the book Come As You Are
Have a weekly date night and turns planning it every week. Go to new places together, try new things get out of the rut. Maybe it’s time for couples counseling as well so he understands that this is a bigger problem and him pretending ignorance won’t let him off the hook to actually put effort in.
So when he says he will leave, it’s okay, but when you actually leave the room, it’s manipulative?
Flick his dick.
He’s watched too much porn.
Does he know what does it for you, or is he selfish
I don’t like that you leaving a coercive situation leads to him calling you manipulative. That’s really gross and… manipulative. Sounds like he doesn’t care about how to turn you on if you keep telling him your needs and he won’t do it. His expectation for you to get turned on from nothing is ridiculous and unrealistic. You deserve better hun
Do you ever initiate sex or is it just up to him? I just ask because it’s not fun to have it be a one way road.
But it absolutely sucks that he refuses to listen to you. I’ve been in the same situation and it took some time but with a lot of communication things got better. But he has to be willing to be a part of that and make an effort. It won’t work if he doesn’t.
Girl leave this guy! You ain’t a sex doll, two people should be making love and wanting to turn eachother on!
Stop wasting you breath after saying the same thing for 5 years… You know your worth