So the long and short is, I love this man. After years of being treated really badly (including the fwb), I felt so incredibly lucky to find a person that treated me with kindness and respect. It’s been nearly 2 years since we got to together and the sex drive died within 5 months because he started to gain weight. I did too. Then it just became a cycle. I have since worked really hard to lose weight but he still seems stuck in a rut. Hating his job, his body and disappearing in to food. I know there’s probably some depression there and I am really trying to help because in every other way, he fulfils the needs of an amazing relationship. Physically, I also find him attractive no matter what…he just doesn’t excude an iota of sexual desire or confidence.
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Trouble is, I saw my old fwb on the street…and its like my whole vagina came to life.
I always wanted more with this guy but it just didn’t get that far and looking back, I think he knew he had me where he wanted me. The sex was amazing. the sexual chemistry was incredible. Unfortunately, I also argued with him far too much for anything healthy to really grow but in seeing him has made me almost lose all logic. Doesn’t matter how bad he was for me, now all I can think of is wild, crazy sex with him…and not my partner.
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I really want this relationship to work and I know getting a sex life back on track is key but even attempting sex after so long is honestly really scary. my body rejects the thought of it because I was him to initiate it and be all manly for me…thats just how I like it (And how he always was).
How do I do this…while not fantasizing like a horn dog for the old fwb?
2 comments
You kinda can’t make him do that if he isn’t willing to change and do that himself. The best you can do is tell him you’re unsatisfied in the bedroom and want him to make more of an effort. Maybe offer to go with him to the gym or get an exercise bike at home so he can go at his own pace. I know I’ve felt better since I started losing weight both mentally and physically so I know it definitely helps, but he should also know that you wouldn’t be with him if you didn’t care for him. He has to work on that aspect himself and that’s on him, the best you can do is try to support him. But if he won’t make the effort to be healthier then, I’m not really sure what you can do.
You’re thinking of your fwb because you’re thirsting for some D.
Have you talked to your partner and expressed how important a sexual connection is for you? Did you ask your partner in what ways you can help him get out of this funk he seems to be in?