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alright so im new here so excuse shortcomings . been diagnosed with imposter syndrome ,bpd ,chronic depression . also have abandonment issues.
my problem is for every good thing i think about my boyfriend whom ive been with for 8 months now the voice at the back of my head goes: “or is it “. i think i drive him crazy. i think he doesnt want me anymore because im so unyielding and is just staying out of duty . ive asked ,he denies any such thing and i believe he doesnt even wanna let me down easy , he doesnt wanna let me down at all or so he says but i understand its because he feels a sense of duty but sometimes theres things which make me feel worthless. don’t know if it’s him or my imposter. is it just my hormones or is it my intuition which if correct would confirm he doesnt love me and is only staying out of a a strong sense of duty because he “loves” a sick girl. should i make a pros and cons list so i know or not know things for sure in an informed manner. so im aware if its hormones and episodes or for real?
i love him but i believe he shoudnt be and bear with someone because hes a nice person and doesnt actually love them
5 comments
I love pros and cons lists. They are so cold and brutal and calculated and heartless but they work
I think you should seek mental health first. I think you should discuss with your boyfriend if you are in a healthy enough place to continue the relationship while you seek help or if the relationship should end so you may work through your issues without the emotional imposition that it can be for others.
What you’re describing isn’t normal and this isn’t a “pros/cons list” situation. This is you struggling with your self esteem/self confidence/intrusive thoughts. Most of your post is about how you feel like HE doesn’t actually care about you not that you don’t care about him.
I don’t think a pros/cons list is going to change your intrusive thoughts. I think maybe you mean to say. For every negative thought you have about your relationship you will try to write a positive thought to counter it? And try to work it out from there?
In all of your post you are speaking for him as if you are the decider of his feelings. Accusations that he stays with you out of obligation, only with you because he’s nice and isn’t actually sincere etc. This is unhealthy
How old are you guys? Are you pregnant? Does he know about your mental health struggles?
If it helps you process information go for it. One word of advice though, destroy that list after you make your decision, by fire if possible. One thing no one likes seeing is a list of their faults with the words pros and cons written above it.
My guess would be that you’re being insecure and your mind-reading is inaccurate but obviously I can’t know that for sure. I think maybe you should make a list of EVIDENCE for and against the belief that he doesn’t want you any more.