I’ve been having sex with this guy for about 5 months now, and I left him on read a few weeks ago because it was really damaging my well-being as I started to get attached and didn’t like the lack of reciprocation as it was majorly just face snaps on Snapchat. Anyways, he texted me a few days ago, and I ended up seeing him on the weekend. Of course, this texting was him acting all interested in how I’ve been, what I’ve been up to etc. when I was well aware of what he actually wanted, and so I gave in as I was feeling like it as well.
Let me tell you, those few weeks of not snapchatting him were euphoric, I wasn’t worried about IF or WHEN he was going to respond and I had such a great time not worrying. And now I’m stuck in that same cycle after he came back in contact with me again.
I hate this feeling, should I just leave him on read until I want to see him again and have a conversation about how we can go about this? Its more of a me problem and I overthink our communication on social media way too much but the only way for me to fix it is to stop engaging on Snapchat with him daily, but I’m worried he will get angry/confused and won’t want to see me again!!
EDIT: Here’s why I think it’s a bit harder for me to let go and might provide a bit more context: he was my first sexual experience, and I actually did approach him and had a conversation about “what we are” and he said he considers me a friend and I told him that that’s okay but I just get confused with that sort of mentality.
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Hi’ I have been in a similar position. Best is to not communicate regularly, only when going to see each other. It makes it easier. He made it clear to me he wasn’t looking for anything serious after I brought it up so I started to actually date other people who actually generally liked me and it made me realize I deserve much more and made me not upset about him or care for that matter.
You have to look at it from the standpoint of what you control. You don’t control him, you only control you. When you were euphoric for those few weeks and he contacted you, you chose to reply. You then chose to have sex with him again. What you do from now on is your choice. You know that he is only interested in sex with you so take that information and make your decision.
Stop saying things like “I gave in” and “he came back in contact with me”. That’s weak. YOU CHOSE THESE THINGS.
This does not seem like a casual sex problem. This seems more about communication and expectations. Also guys can genuinely be interested in how you’re doing and also want to blow your back out. It’s not disingenuous because he also wants sex
Casual sex is only hard for people who don’t actually want casual sex but are looking for more.
This just might not be the type of situationship you’re suited for, which is fine. Just be honest with yourself about what you want.
Edit: hey thanks for the awards
Clearly you want something more from him, so ghosting for a long time isn’t making him anymore serious about you… Tell him you want him to be more serious and show him that you want that with your actions
I was like this. When I had a FWB I would hate how I would check my phone to see if he replied to my message. When We were off I didn’t have to worry about anything and I felt at peace. When he would text me out of the blue when I would end things I would sadly always give in and the cycle continued. Definitely communicate from your side so things don’t go south.
You have to do what makes you happy. It’s as simple as that. This guy obv sees you as an easy fuck and nothing else.
Make friends, then you can spend time with people that care about you. What you are doing is depressing.
Just phone him when you want to fuck!?
Why don’t you communicate to him like an adult? Tell him you are catching feelings and you can’t continue being casual and you either start dating – and you can prepare list of ways in which his behaviour should change if he is to be your boyfriend, or you stop seeing each other unless one of you wants to have sex and you will limit the interactions to yes or no, when& where.
I think partly its in your head, you care about IF and WHEN so you suffer for every second he doesn’t respond, try considering the messages you send as if they were carried by an owl or a slow pigeon. You can’t know when he got it or if he read it so you can’t be mad at him for not responding back right away. I have a similar problem where if I text with a new girl I overthink and push everything else to the background but the way out is to close the app after you send the message and go do something else that is fun or that will at least occupy your attention. You gotta stop giving the guy boyfriend treatment if he is still paying only for FWB package 😀
You have to make a choice. Can you have casual sex? Yes or no.
If it’s yes, then do whatever works for you.
If no, then see if he wants a relationship and leave if he doesn’t.
What is leave him on “read”?
You should try dating other people. You’ll notice pretty quickly that you have much better options available and stop obsessing over someone who has made it clear they’re not willing to give you what you want.
You might want to cut things off if you’re feeling like this. It’s not good for your wellbeing and the thrill you’re craving will just increase.
It’s up to you if you respond. Everyone has a choice. I was in a similar situation with a guy where they broke things off with me. Now they’re trying to be my friend. I made a choice for my wellbeing to just stay distant and silent.
There are moments where I miss their company. But I know those feelings will pass. I will move onto other areas in life. And I will be happy.
You gotta make a choice over what you want. Only you know.
Sounds like anxious attachment style. You can do some work and become securely attached and part of being securely attached is knowing that certain people are not right for you to be in a relationship with and there is probably somebody better down the road
Not really casual then, is it?
Casual sex is not for everyone.
Ok reread the last sentence and realize what you said.
You’re scared to stop responding to him because you’re afraid he won’t want to see you again.
Don’t you think you’re abusing yourself at this point and should end it?
“Casual sex” only works if you’re both adult enough to communicate and tell it like it is. Simple.
Casual sex isn’t what you are describing. If you want more than ask about it. If you just want sex, and you aren’t interested in more, make that clear.
If you’re anxious about his/her behavior and it’s affecting your mood, then it’s not casual per se.
Something you can do to mitigate a bit of uncertainty and hopefully make this fwb more manageable is to define very very obvious boundaries of when sex is okay, when sex isn’t, how often to text, what topics are okay to talk about, etc.
Casual sex is harder for women unless the guy is particularly good and or a real friend.
I think you’re getting less/next to nothing out of this with regards. So, why are you doing it?
I would block. And move on.
If casual sex with him is not worth it for you, and either of you don’t want to commit to eachother, stop seeing him entirely. From how you’ve explained your situation it seems like he’s not worth the emotional investment, but that’s something only you can decide.
If you choose to end the relationship just send him a message you don’t want to continue the relationship how it is, don’t even wait for his reply, block him on all socials, delete his number, forget about him and focus on things (and people) in your life that are worth investing your time and energy in.
Sounds like you don’t actually want casual sex it’s fine it’s how most of these relationships end
Yes it is. I get feelings all the time. I kind of consider myself kind of in an open relationship with a lot of fwb even tho it’s not really defined between us. It helps cope with the circumstances we are in and allows for me to fully explore those feelings and get that benefit on top of the sex. Although it’s crazy not being with them all the time.
Some people love and enjoy casual sex and some don’t enjoy it. Everybody is different. That’s how it is.
Youre looking for a relationship with someone who isn’t. Stop seeing him or keep getting hurt
If he’s going to be casual, treat him casual. Leave him on read. Hit him up to fuck if that’s what you want. Don’t give him the power constantly sending him clingy snaps girl get a hold of yourself.
I feel this to my core. During 2020, I met a guy who was sweet, cute, and funny. He said he only wanted fun but muddied the waters with telling me about his son, inspirations, growing up, etc. I was moving at the end of summer but I got attached. It was a roller coaster of trying to be the cool girl who doesn’t get attached to a nervous wreck. Eventually, I did move but I was still attached.
Now what I did worked for me so you can have your own journey but I went to therapy. I learned a lot more about myself and dealt with past issues/memories that I held onto. Yeah, I can think of him and wish him the best but I don’t feel that deep tinge in my heart anymore. You have everything in you to deal with this situation, set boundaries, leave, etc. Your feelings are valid and you matter.
I’m a guy and I don’t like it either. I mean, in theory it sounds awesome, but it’s never actually worked out for me. Either I catch feelings or she does. We either “break up” or start dating. I’ve never had a FWB type situation last longer than a month or two. That’s just me though. I’m sure different personality types could pull it off.
I’m seeing him treating you as a casual sex partner but you treating him as, one of if not, your only option and the one you want.
To manage it, I’d suggest mute for his messages and only look him up when you feel like talking. Absolutely not the daily texts.
That is only a patch though. You need to communicate or, if you can’t, you need a lot more experience so you feel your options (not just knowing them in a nebulous way) and place your FWB on the right attention level.
Casual sex is not for everyone. Respect yourself and communicate with him about what you want. If he doesn’t want more, let go and move on.
Fwb never works when there’s feelings involved. It’s time to cut this off.
You can’t have casual sex with the same person and someone nit catch feeling only way to have casual sex is one night stands who you don’t talk to I don’t care what anyone says you can’t talk and fuck the same person all the time one of you will catch feelings it’s just human nature
Well you clearly have feelings for the guy so why not just ask if he wants to date….
Otherwise you literally just said you felt euphoric when not messaging him.. so just stop messaging him if he wants to continue only as you are now.
Be honest with yourself about what you want. And if the other person isn’t on the same page based on their actions, walk away.
The whole “leave him on read” thing is kind of toxic. Just because the person doesn’t want a real relationship with you, does not make him a bad person. If you are not interested in doing the casual thing with, just tell him that and move on. There is no point of being chippy if the other person isn’t interested in dating you. That is the same thing is if a woman doesn’t want to hook up with a guy, doesn’t mean he has to be toxic towards her. If you had agreed on being casual before and it seems you don’t want to do it anymore. Please let me know if I am missing something. Not trying to sound insensitive, sorry you are going through this.
I don’t understand the “leaving him on read” part. Has he done something to warrant you treating him like that? Why not just be adult and tell him the truth? If you want a relationship with him but he doesn’t, then you want different things and should stop seeing each other. I’m going to guess you’re scared that if you tell him the truth he won’t reciprocate. Yeah it won’t be nice to hear, but it’s better than what you’re going through now. Also, it kinda sounds like you’re blaming him for messaging you and sleeping together again? You’re fully capable of telling him no.
IMO It’s never actually casual if you have to post the emotional rollercoaster about so called casual encounter on Reddit. To detach yourself from sex so much that you could liken it to casually eating a piece of fruit during work, or casually taking a shower, where you give it no purpose or effort or intention, doesn’t seem healthy.
Sounds like you do not actually enjoy casual sex. Sounds like you want a relationship to me. It might be time to admit that to yourself.
Then stop having casual sex, homie.
No, ghosting is fckin toxic and childish,just tell the guy how you feel and if you are not on the same page then tell him that you wanna cut ties.
Casual sex is not for everyone, and specially those who catch feelings or get attached easily.
There is this guy who wants to fuck me, he sexts me whenever he feels horny and I don’t like that at all. I have decided that I’ll stop replying to all his messages and never do this again! 🙂🙂🙂
Why do you think ghosting him would be a good idea at all? Just talk to him and tell him it’s over.
I always think it’s strange that people with FWBs say they aren’t in a relationship.
They are in a relationship that lacks commitment. Someone always gets hurt.
I find casual sex very difficult even though it’s not hard for me to find it. I’m a very emotional and sensitive person so it’s easy for me to naturally feel things after engaging in some deeply intimate and romantic activities:D Casual sex satisfy the need for affection but it leaves me emotionally empty.
Causal sex is hard when you know the other person is hotter and better than you and causal sex is the closest you’ll get to having that person. That’s why I feel that causal sex for women is unhealthy.
I was never able to have casual sex. Even when I didn’t want a relationship at all. I just didn’t want to have sex with someone I wasn’t emotionally connected to. I was better off masturbating and not involving guys at all. I’m probably weird for that, but oh well.