My MIL is an overweight(more like obese) woman in her 50’s that can’t move properly on her own. Her house is absolutely disgusting and always dirty. From the moment you enter their home you get hit with a smell of sweat and rotten meat. Don’t get me wrong, i’m not a cleaning freak but her house is something else. The bathroom always smells like rotten blood and there are stains everywhere, sometimes i wonder how the fuck does she use that room.. the kitchen is always packed with dirty dishes and filthy carpets and the other rooms all have mold in the corners. They are very stable financially speaking so this is not a problem also.
Now, skipping to her as a person. Because she is a big woman and can’t really move, she’s always wearing dresses. Nothing wrong here untill you notice she doesn’t have underwear and the whole house smells like piss. It’s horrifing. MOSTLY when she invites us over to eat. One time i almost fainted because i refused to breathe in there. Also her legs are always in sight and they are always very dirty and full of all kind of wound etc.
Her husband is no better. He’s always wearing only pants, showing his belly everywhere and his nasty, also very dirty, feet. Fyi : yes they walk barefoot outside then come inside and just walk everywhere.
In the summer is the worst. The smell is getting worse then and i can’t take it. I have a really sensible nose and heat does me dirty af. Last time we visited they had adopted a dog and let it piss and shit everywhere he wanted. Carpets/floors/kitchen counters. EVERYWHERE. When i was about to leave i stepped in its piss and almost threw up. Had to burn those socks for real.
My husband doesn’t see anything wrong with this and he claims he doesn’t even smell it. But i’m not crazy and It’s not just the house, everytime she jumps in the car with us i can smell her odour and It’s making my stomach twist. I tried avoiding them but he’d get upset because they are his parents. I told him i can’t stand the smell and he still insists to me going there… Last time i was there they got upsed i was constantly checkinf the time but really i couldnt wait to get out of there and throw up.
How do i tell her, politely, that she smells worse than a fucking homeless person???
6 comments
I wouldn’t tell her anything.. I’d be firm with your husband about you not going over there anymore. He can go by himself. Sounds like he probably grew up this way and is blind to the actual problems, but that doesn’t mean you have to suffer through it.
If they’re financially stable, you can suggest to your husband that they go to a hotel and have a Hazmat team (not joking) come to do a thorough cleanup and then have a professional cleaning service come once every week. Also for them to send their dog to training (I doubt they’d go which is why I suggested this alternative). Explain to your husband that you can tolerate it if they do this but that you genuinely have a gag reflex and it is as bad as you’re telling him it is.
If they decline, that’s it. That was your compromise. You’re trying and they should meet you somewhere.
Also consider couples counseling. If you end up having children, you obviously don’t want your kids going there so best to discuss this safely and openly now. He probably doesn’t see it (you mentioned this) but you need for him to in order for him to understand your position.
But please, for the love of god, do NOT tell your in laws they smell or their house smells. This is for your husband to deal with. They will absolutely hate you if it came from you. And make sure if your husband tells them there’s an issue, it’s not a “my wife said” but “we think it’s best if xyz”. Don’t be thrown under the bus, even if the underside of a bus would probably smell better 🤣
You shouldn’t criticize them or be rude to them. But you should be able to talk to your husband and limit your time in their home. He needs to understand this is challenging for you and have your back. If he does that you may be able to develop some compassion for his parents as it sounds like their lives are not pleasant by any means. But until you feel heard and understood and supported by him, it would be very difficult to want to understand his parents.
This is an issue for you and your husband to resolve together for your sanity and well being.
Hoarders?
It sounds like there may be real mental illness at play here. If that’s the case, logic or pleading or threats are not going to fix it.
Does your husband recognize this as normal? Is he like this? I’d say insist that your husband gets into couples counseling with you. Maybe he’ll be able to hear how off it is if he realizes how serious you are.
He is the one who will have to set the boundaries with them, not you. In the meantime, I think you have to stick to your guns and not go to their house. And do not have kids until you are on the same page about this. You cannot have children exposed to this.
Idk much about these things, but can an adult protective services person come check in? If she has open wounds on her body, I wonder is she is mentally or physically sound to care for herself properly? This situation sounds unsanitary and possibly a threat to all of their healths?