I am aware that men are horny, especially at my age (~22). I know it’s a bit of a high expectation, but I am not emotionally comfortable having sex before a relationship. I have gone through a history of giving away my goods too soon out of fears of abandonment, being made guilty for that, and I have been abused for saying no. I did not know what to do back then. Therefore this is the only thing I am comfortable with as a result. I do not have any hope of finding a man who is okay with this expectation. Any advice? Do I have any hopes of finding a man who is okay with this?
8 comments
At no point in my life would it have bothered me if a woman said she wanted to wait for a solid relationship. You will definitely find men who are willing to wait so long as you are upfront about it.
You just make it clear and accept that if it turns off a guy enough that he doesn’t want to keep dating you, you’ve eliminated a guy with whom things were never going to work and freed yourself up to keep looking for one who’s willing to or even wants to wait too.
You have to have hope that it’s possible…otherwise it’s not possible !
Stick to your plan.Don’t compromise.
Good luck.
If a woman were being honest with me and told me she didn’t want to have sex unless we were committed, that I would be okay with that. I had women tell me on first dates that they don’t sleep around, so not to expect anything, and I was always okay with it. I never made it past a few dates, but that was just because we just didn’t click. If anything, I like that because I date looking for a long-term relationship anyway. If a guy doesn’t respect you for that and wants to bail, then forget about them. You’ll find somone who respects your wishes. You don’t need to worry about that. Just tell them you don’t have sex unless you’re committed. You don’t need to tell anyone the reason for it on a first date.
Date religious men who only want sex after marriage.. look for devout men in churches
My buddy likes to sleep around and met this Christian girl. He’s madly in love and waiting. So, don’t settle lol.
If you’re upfront with a guy and he’s not okay with it, then consider it the trash taking itself out. It’s your body – only do what you’re comfortable with, when you’re comfortable doing it. Having boundaries is never something to feel guilty about.
Sorry you have been mistreated for declaring your boundaries in the past. Insecure people can quickly feel rejected by a boundary that is nothing personal against them, and they can’t deal with rejection so it turns into anger.
I don’t think your expectation is too high, as your reasoning is sound. Your boundary is going to turn off two types of men: those who are only looking for a shag and those who don’t want to commit without really knowing what they are committing to, including sexually. I fall in the latter group (after having been hugely disappointed by committing before knowing her sexually in the past) and I still say you should keep the boundary active. We might not be compatible but there’s plenty of men who will be, and who will commit and wait. Just, and don’t take this the wrong way, be aware that *some* of the men who will have no problem with your boundary are men with a very low sex drive. You might end up sexually frustrated or even in a dead bedroom. Another reason for me, personally, to check for libido compatibility before deciding to commit.
I hope everything works out for you!