Wife and I have been together for ten years. She has a friend she’s been talking to for a while now. Guy friend obviously. I’ve told her it makes me uncomfortable that they talk. She has more or less said that is my problem. To a point, it seemed less severe when it was messages, but to top it off they are now talking on the phone. While I am working. He lives 4-5 states away but Jesus I’m just so tired of this. Not sure what to do. Seems stupid to end a 10 year marriage over this but at the same time just fuck man….
19 comments
I mean. do you have literally any reason to worry or is she just not aloud to have dude friends.
Sounds like you’re a very controlling person. You should work on YOUR insecurities, and not take it out on your wife having a friend.
Continue like this, and you’ll push her away into another man’s arms.
If you want her to love you, respect her as well.
Why do you have a problem though? Are they flirting, do they have history?
Any kids? If not that makes things a lot easier. I would see a lawyer and start getting ready to file. It’s not stupid to end a marriage over an emotional affair.
Trust your gut.
This has all the earmarks of an emotional affair (e.g. lying, secret communication, disregarding your feelings).
This is not about you being controlling, it’s about you asking her to respect boundaries. While you can’t control her actions, you certainly can how you will respond. Meaning, if she’s unwilling to take your feelings into consideration then maybe it’s time to reconsider the marriage?
Sometimes people come to their senses when they realize their actions are putting their marriage in jeopardy. It’s not a guarantee, but if things stay the way they are you will become completely miserable and regret that you stayed.
If it bothers you that much you need to tell them and if nothing is accomplished you move on.
If she’s happy with you, she shouldn’t be looking for extra attention and validation from him. You asked her to stop and she lies and doesn’t value your feelings. Whether you want it to or not, the marriage is likely ending.
She hast an affair at least an emotional one. You need to break up.
Time to serve the papers. If you aren’t cool with how they talk and she doesn’t care you have a well established problem with compatibility and boundaries. Then she deals with it by lieing. Serve her papers bro….
Check her phone gather all the evidence you can. Talk to a lawyer. Serve her papers. At this point she either thinks you controlling which means you need to let her go or she just doesn’t respect you at all which also leads to let her go.
If she comes back begging to work it out and you actually want to. Head to r/asoneafterinfidelity
If she says fuck you and signs them. She seentially had an EA so Head to r/survivinginfedelity
As a person that knows how to have friends of a different gender than myself I must say to you, get over it. People can be friends. Why do you think your wife can only be friends with people that have vaginas? That’s ridiculous.
Get a girl best friend 😂
UpdateMe!
I (33f) have some very good guy friends and if I knew that my boyfriend was unconfortable with me talking with some of them I would do everything I could to make him feel confortable (talk in loudspeaker, show him the messages, make him meet my friend). And is he a good friend of her? If not I think that is not normal and I understand you being mad at it.
Man up. Put your foot down.
Tell her that if she’s with you she is FORBIDDEN from talking to people you don’t want her to.
If she doesn’t listen. She’s not with you. You at 37m are in your prime. She at 34f is not in a position to play these games.
If she plays stupid games, she is going to win stupid prizes.
You need to set a boundary of what you are willing to accept in a committed relationship, and what choice you are going to make if she cannot agree.
Unfortunately it has become a “thing” now where people should be allowed to have one on one friends of the opposite sex when in a relationship.
This is a bad scenario and it is stigmatized for a reason. Sound minded adults know that it is very often the case that one party harbours feelings or attraction for the other party.
You need to do something here is this is not behaviour that is allowed in a healthy relationship.
Having male friends in groups where there isn’t a one on one individual contact/relationship is a different thing.
Sounds petty, but if she isn’t open to dialogue and change after multiple attempts, set up a scenario where you have female friends…..
“It’s your problem”?!? Ooh boy…
It’s your *problem* because it’s your boundary issue… She disrespects it, explicitly… rudely. That would trigger me big time. I would educate her on boundaries, implicit and otherwise, and impress on her the dangers of ignoring and disrespecting them. Not a conversation… a terse one-sided talk.
“*Having guy friends is cool. Guy-friendships that make me uncomfortable is not cool. I’d think a mid-thirties woman would understand that. This isn’t middle-school, this is an adult relationship*”
“*I respect your boundaries… either respect mine, or plan on some life changes*” – and hold to the ultimatum.
And as long as we were on the topic, I would probably go so far as to ask her to unlock her phone and hand it to me. I wouldn’t check her phone if she *did*… just gauge her reaction to the request. It could be telling. If she declined… I’d be *very* suspicious…
Sounds like it IS your problem bro.
So time to find a solution to your problem