Even my mom. Never calls, unless she needs tech support. Just expects me to call her. Even if I go months without calling her. Though she has narc tendencies. Dad doesn’t call, not my siblings either. Basically no family member. I barely have any friends after having been in long-term romantic relationships each lasting years, but two of my exes only contact me for help. One kept wanting me to do her homework for her, and when I told her I won’t help her anymore she stopped messaging. The other ex only reaches out every few months for tech support, to fix her game. Another sort of ex mostly just calls me when she wants me to do her a certain favor that she can’t do by herself. Reunited with another old time friend recently and she only called me when she needed someone to vent to, basically unloading all her problems on me for 40+ minutes telling me about her problematic day and then finishes with a question about “how I’m doing”, and when I answer, she is distracted by something else and doesn’t seem to listen at all lol. Let her know of my boundaries and yeah…
Is this just the way people are? Should I also only start using other people for my own good? I’m usually always helping the other person I’m talking to unless I’m getting to know a stranger. Why should I be so nice to others and do them favors when literally not a single person does it back? I’m sick of helping everyone and not getting anything back. Like I don’t need any favors or anything, just for someone to not message me about help.
I’m a 25 y/o guy if it matters. If I stop talking to these mentioned people, I literally don’t have a single person to talk to, not even family, except for some people that I’m not really close with. I’m from Europe and I use apps to meet new ppl/penpal stuff. My mental health greatly suffers when I restrain myself from talking to these people. Since I’m lonely, even just helping them sort of gives me at least something, but I don’t want it to be like that because it’s so unhealthy for me and makes me feel like people just walk allover me. I guess my biggest “problem” is that I have a bit too much empathy, like even if I’m angry about this it’s hard for me to resist when they ask because I somehow care about them still. Oh and I probably have undiagnosed ADD and haven’t finished high school as a result, despite having a profound academic interest/motivation. I’m not stupid or anything, when I was tgt with one of my exes I got her some A’s in her American uni lol. I just postpone everything. I’m pretty comfortable with my looks but I guess that makes people see no “value” in me.
tl;dr: ppl only use me for help but if i don’t give in to them i have nobody
1 comment
To reassure you not all people are like that. I think they are being bad friends. It’s not good for anyone’s mental health to be alone all the time, so it’s completely normal to want to still be friends with them even if they don’t treat you well.
I recommend joining some sort of club, sports, go to a same place regularly… so that you can meet new people. Maybe also try talking to your friends about how you feel and see how that goes.