Red Flags

Let me set the scene- I met a man who treats me with kindness and care, works hard to keep our home and life the best it could be, but a few years after we married, I noticed he didn’t hide racist or homophobic comments anymore. He must have been toning it down until he got comfortable with me.

Now, he grew up in the Middle East in the 90s, and is about a decade older than me. I’m also extremely naive, which he claims is the only reason I’m NOT racist/homophobic.

I’ve tried the serious conversations. I’ve tried talking about situations (I am a bisexual woman, which he thinks is fake) discussed how we would act if a child were a homosexual. His responses are actually causing me emotional pain and I’ve told him he needs counseling, because it’s not normal to believe this.

Now it is impacting our lives even more. My brother has a non-binary partner who he misgenders on purpose to make a point. He had a bad interview for a job today because he got pissed off that the person interviewing him was black. I’ve tried talking to him about how he can’t act like this and pretty much has been met with that never going to change.

I don’t know what to do. I love him more than anything and we have a great relationship. But I’m terrified of him because he truly is racist and homophobic. I can’t even have friends of a certain race anymore.

Breaking up is not an option for me. How can I heal this man?