The title says it all, I find it extremely hard to say how I am truly feeling or say no because I feel like I am making others feel bad and after that I will feel extremely guilty. This is making me end up in really uncomfortable situations and that is why I’m asking for help.
Quick Edit: Thank you all so much for taking your time and writing your answers, They all helped me indeed, I DEFINITELY WILL try my best to say no more than making myself uncomfortable. Thanks once again:)
24 comments
try saying something like “i’m not comfortable” instead of no and provide alternatives you think better
“That doesn’t work for me, but thanks for asking.”
“Sorry, maybe next time.”
Etc.
“Sorry, I can’t”, don’t provide a reason if not necessary.
If instead, you’re dealing with a manipulative person, just look confidently and refuse until that person gets bored. It’s called the broken record technique.
Firstly, it takes time and comes from within. I had a boyfriend who was the same but after our breakup he did change. He understood a lot of things and when he realised that he is on his own and saying ‘No’ is the only way he can survive in this real world, his behaviour n reactions towards facing situations in his life changed. So, take ur time, it will come eventually. Hope this helps💕
If you’re used to saying YES to things you don’t really want to do, to accommodate other’s requests of you and not disappoint them, in a way that leaves you feeling worn out or resentful, saying NO isn’t what’s difficult. Its allowing the discomfort of saying NO to be there, that is!
Are you willing to experience this discomfort as a sensation in your body, if it means you’ll get to ensure your cup is filled and prioritize what YOU truly want?
I had the same problem. It’s something you definitely need to work on or you will build resentment to a boiling point- resentment is a beast so learn to say no and stand up for yourself or people will mop the floor with you. Jordan Peterson has some good YT vids on agreeable people. Good luck 👊
I feel the same way, and when I say “No” I feel guilty and keep thinking about that and sometimes later change to “Yes”. You have to think more about yourself, set boundaries, don’t doubt about the boundaries that you’ve had set for yourself. It takes time and practice I think because we are not used to feel that way.
Just say that you can not do It. As others have mentioned, don’t explain why (wheter if you truly can not do It or just don’t feel like It) so they can not keep on pressuring you or find ways for you to do what they want.
I recommend “Set boundaries, find peace”. It’s an easy read and I think you could find It helpful 🙂
It’s like the Nike ad. “Just Do It.” It may likely feel wrong or weird at first. You may not do it efficiently either. But keep practicing and it gets easier and better each time.
Same problem. I don’t want to disappoint anyone.
“No” doesn’t mean never; it just means not right now. Some things you can say is “thank you for thinking of me but I’m focusing on other priorities right now so I just don’t have the time” or “I’m so grateful you thought of me but I’m just dealing with other stuff so I can’t make it” – be honest and people will respect you for it.
If you say yes out of respect for someone else, you’re disrespecting yourself and your wellbeing.
If saying no is making you end up in really uncomfortable situations, maybe you can go in depth as for why you’re feeling so guilty when you make others feel bad.
A good saying that helped me is, “*You don’t have the responsibility over how someone else feels.*” They can deal with it, as you would probably deal with feeling bad yourself when someone else said no to you.
But the quote itself doesn’t have to help you. I think the best would be to go in depth, maybe with the help of a therapist and discover the root of your problem.
I’m the same way
https://www.amazon.com/When-Say-No-Feel-Guilty/dp/0553263900
The book is pretty old, but the principles still stand.
If the question makes you question yourself , Just say no or let me think about it.
Your first no Will be hard.
Learn to impulsively react with your gut instinct. Do not give the question or request time to digest, if someone asks something of you that you know immediately you don’t want to do, immediately decline in whatever manner works best. “No, I don’t think so” works really well in most circumstances.
Also, as everyone should be agreeing on here, **you never need to give reasons.** It doesn’t matter if it’s a childhood friend or a total stranger, nobody needs to know why you say no, and immediately offering an excuse gives someone the idea that you have a problem that you need to solve before you can say “yes” and they will try to solve that problem for you. Your problems are your business.
Worst that happens is they pry and say “Why not?” and you can say “I have my own reasons.” And if they STILL pry, they’re assholes. Don’t give of yourself to someone who is being an asshole.
Apologize (“I’m so sorry but that doesn’t work for me…”), offer solutions (“… would another *insert time* work?”) but only if you’re willing to do the thing at another time, say thank you (“thanks for asking/including me!”)
No
hey i had this problem too. for me it gets easier when i learned to sit with the guilt. why do you feel guilty? that feeling may come, but the more you do it, the more you get used to the fleeting emotion and it’s not so bad 🙂
GROND
how to say no is like this look you say first no then whatever emotion arrises you dwell on it no matter what it is sad feel very sad allow to feel sad then just live like this
Say “No”. That’s it. Leave.
Well you need to just to build up some courage and confidence. Then you could politely say No.
We are not responsible for other people’s feelings.
Look up “positive intelligence”, namely the “people pleaser” saboteur section. I’m like you, it helped me put labels onto things and start working on them.