I used to have a huge fear of rejection, not just in the context of dating but in any context.
About a month ago I met a girl (21) at a bar, she asked for my number and over the course of the next month we went on 3 dates and spoke on the phone constantly. Last week we were on the phone late and she asked me to come over. 2 hours into cuddling/spooning and watching a tv show we started together, she drops the “i just don’t want to be in a relationship”, and not in a “can we just hookup” type of way. It was total rejection, which initially really disappointed me, but I knew I’d be fine and accepted it.
The next night I went to a bar with some friends, and through shit luck she happened to be there. She spotted me first and came up to me, said “i meant to call you today” and quasi apologized for the night before (I didn’t expect the apology, and frankly didn’t want it. It felt patronizing and kind of came off as a joke since she was so smiley). That was the absolute last thing that needed to happen as I’m trying to forget about it, and it kind of ruined my night, but once again I knew I’d be fine and moved on.
Today is five days after seeing her at the bar, and she texted me an apology for being insensitive, explains that she IS a relationship type of person (despite saying multiple times initially that she wasn’t) and explained to me why it didn’t work between us. She basically said that once she felt like I was genuinely interested in her she felt uncomfortable and saw me as nervous, but was fine when I didn’t seem as interested early on. I was basically completely over her by now but I really didn’t need to hear a complete explanation as to why I wasn’t right for her and that she basically lied to me about not wanting to date in general. This felt like a complete kick in the balls.
Because of this shitty last week or so, I feel more nervous thoughts now when thinking about meeting/pursuing women/relationships. It feels like a lot of the progress I made on this it gone. I’ve gotten over rejection before (like I initially did here before the previous paragraph) but this feels like a tougher let down than it had to be despite her good intentions.
Did I take this rejection harder than I should’ve? What can I do to get over this fear again and keep it away?
5 comments
I think this is largely why people Block (or, ugh!, ghost) those who represent failed attempts — to reduce the likelihood or impact of followups.
Why do you care what anyone else thinks?
A lot of women are terrible at making up their minds don’t take it personally
Hello,
It is very odd that she won’t let you go in peace. It’s not normal. Take a deep breath and understand rejection is part of the game. I think I finally got over my rejection is when I let a great person down, I just wasn’t into it. It’s part of the deal.
The good news: she gave you real feedback
The better news: what a petty reason to be un interested. If that’s the real reason she’s going to be single for awhile.
The best news: be yourself, nothing to be nervous about, if she’s interested, she won’t be giving weak excuses like that and you will have found someone not so petty.
Ps, you’re probably the first guy she has rejected and she doesn’t know how to do it like a normal person. The fact that she keeps doing is because she does feel really bad about it. Like I said it’s not fun hurting the feelings of a good person. I wouldn’t be surprised to see her come onto you in a year if you ran into her at a bar.
Rejection sucks. It will likely always suck but, from my experience, it’s gotten less sucky with time. It’s part of dating/pursuing people