I’ve F(25) been with my boyfriend M(29) six years. I was utterly obsessed with him. When we start met I was 19 and I couldn’t believe *he* even spoke to me let alone was interested in me. Even the sex was crazy good. We had sex all the time and I was very attracted to him. Everything about him was perfect to me.
Now that we’ve gotten older I would say we both relatively look the same. I would say our styles have changed though. Which doesn’t matter much at the end of the day.
The weird thing is now I see him as “too skinny”. Sometimes I wonder if he has an eating disorder. He’s always been a very thin guy even in childhood and his teenage years but now I’m like his legs are twigs and his chest is sunken. I also feel he doesn’t take that much care of himself. He smokes and parties and does a lot of stunts. He broke some of his teeth.
Again he kind of always looked like this but now it’s off a sudden not good to me. I always use to like skinny guys but now I like a little more meat and muscle.
I don’t know if it me or how he treats me either. For example he mostly wants BJs. He watches porn during BJs. It takes him long to cum or he never does. He tells me to buy new lingerie and I let him choose and he barely pays attention. I send him sexy pics and he just replies with “we should have a three way with a friend”.
Also all his exes looked goth. I know we’ve been together six years but I’m more fit girl next door blonde. He has a skater look which is baggy clothes and skinny. I feel he follows a lot of people who look like his exes but I guess he hangs out on those areas too.
Anyone experience this? How do I handle this?
TL;DR: boyfriend and I are together six years. Use to be extremely sexually attracted to him and obsessed with him and his looks haven’t changed. Lately I’ve been feeling I’m not attracted to him anymore and I don’t know why
18 comments
So, he’s selfish, irresponsible, and immature. You grew up, became more mature, and started realizing you want to be in a relationship with a responsible adult. That’s an extremely common story.
So he treats you kinda mediocre and you’re MYSTIFIED why you’re losing interest. You’re blaming it on his looks…. but they haven’t changed at all.
I think the bad sex is making you wanna have sex less. I think him not paying you any sort of attention is making you disconnect. I don’t think it’s his looks at all, it’s just your minds way of saying “Hey I don’t like how this guy is treating me”
Sucks. However, this is pretty normal to happen in long term relationships. Sparks are lost, interests along with it. You also probably moved on educationally and financial wise too, without a doubt.
I guess the best thing to do is slowly distance yourself or cut your losses and move on. It’s not your job to fix or make someone improve themselves, it’s entirely up to them to navigate that spectrum.
Girl the sex sounds repulsive! It’s no wonder you aren’t interested in him. Watches porn while you blow him, I’m assuming not by your suggestion – bleugh. The guy I picked at 19 was actually quite similar to this, we were together 7 years and he did not grow out of it. I don’t think he realized that sex is for both people. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Aside from the sex – It sounds like you guys are just not on the same wavelength.
The “doesn’t take care of himself” really stuck out to me… I’m guessing that you take care of yourself… Being with someone that doesn’t would be off putting. Particularly as years go by and health is more and more important.
It’s ok to have outgrown a relationship. Its good! It means there’s something better out there for you, that is more in align with who you are today (rather than who you were when you were 19)
Move on with your life
God, a lot has changed. Move on and find someone else.
This is extremely normal for the span of your early twenties. You just outgrew him, and that is perfectly okay. Even though you spent 6 years with him, those years weren’t wasted just because you broke up. You used that time to better yourself, he just stayed the same. You can be grateful for the time and the good parts of the relationship, but you don’t owe him another day. Go find someone who is as eager to grow and learn and improve as you are, and to have a mutually fulfilling sex life.
> Lately I’ve been feeling I’m not attracted to him anymore and I don’t know why
Gee, I wonder why.
> He smokes during sex. He drinks during sex. He drinks all throughout the day. In the morning he wakes up and has a beer.
> He smokes and parties and does a lot of stunts. He broke some of his teeth.
> He tells me to buy new lingerie and I let him choose and he barely pays attention. I send him sexy pics and he just replies with “we should have a three way with a friend”.
I was in a similar situation you have to pull the plug or else you begin to resent him. I exploded out of anger. It was because I never mentioned any of the things that bothered me until I couldn’t any more.
You’re not attracted to him cause he’s being a douche to you
I dated someone for 5 years in college who I felt that way about. Like you said, he was my exact type in every way and I was stunned he even spoke to me. I felt so utterly obsessed and off the charts attracted to him.
Until I realized he treated me like shit. It took a while to sink in, probably because I was so smitten with him, but yeah he was an awful partner who wouldn’t make any effort for me. Once that hit, I cringed away from kisses and touches and he looked practically ugly to me.
So yeah.
I don’t think it’s your bfs appearance making you unattracted to him, it’s that he doesn’t treat you how you need and deserve.
Sounds like you’re growing as a person because your attraction to him is no longer interfering with your growth. It’s pretty normal. A lot of change comes in the early-mid 20s. Don’t hold onto something or someone that doesn’t server your higher self.
I hate that it has to be said but girl, you know there’s plenty of guys out there who will get you off and give you all the attention and not watch porn while you blow him like you’re a flesh light he’s using?
You’re over being infatuated which blinded you making you not see things that are really super unattractive, like bad dental and overall health, dismissive and uncaring when it comes to intimacy and affection etc
He’s rude, neglectful, selfish and a pig who degrades you by asking for unreciprocated oral while watching other women, and you don’t want to bang? What’s wrong with you? /s
You buried the lead here. He’s disgusting. His entitlement and rudeness are mind boggiling. Do you want to keep doing this? Respect yourself, please. Leave this pig.
Honey, is he on pills? Serious question. They mess with your brain and could explain both the weight loss and his inability to orgasm.
And if he is addicted to pills … whew. That is a very difficult recovery, even if he wants to recover from that.
It doesn’t matter how old you are, or who you are. Eventually everyone agrees that dad bod is best bod. We are cuddly, and you know you will never go hungry.
I have to comment because this is the worst post I’ve read on here lately. This guy sounds 100% un-date-able, he is NOT life partner material, please cut him out of your life before you get any more entangled, you can meet a caring, healthy, handsome guy and improve your life tenfold. DON’T QUESTION IT, JUST BREAK UP! He has like 10 different deal breakers imo.