My mom tried to miraculously heal me using unconventional methods no one’s heard of then said I sabotaged her and threw it in her face when they didn’t work.

My mom paid over 2 grand for me to learn transcendental meditation, I told her I didn’t want to do it but she wasn’t taking no for an answer so I HAD to do it, she made me. And she would force me to meditate every day and sit across from me and watch me and I couldn’t move a single muscle and when the 20 minutes was over if she didn’t see the night and day transformation of me being VERY confident then she would snap and say I didn’t actually do it and would make me do it again and again and again while she sat there and watched me the entire time and if I did anything like move a single muscle, move my face AT ALL, breathe differently then she would scream at me and make me start all over and we would be there for hours until I ‘actually did it’. And when she talked about it later she said that it’s because she would politely ask me to do something and for no reason like a 5 year old I would scream and cry and throw a fit and refuse to do what she told me so it would force her to sit on top of me and watch me until I ‘actually did it’ and until she saw the night and day personality change like she wanted to see. She would make me go to this weekly transcendental meditation group and I had extreme anxiety like racing heart and pit in my stomach and the weekly meditation group didn’t help with the anxiety, I would try and do it but the anxiety never went away and I would even try doing it at home before school because I was desperate for things at school to be better but it never changed anything the anxiety never went away and I never felt different after so it literally just didn’t do anything.

She also made me go to this thing called ‘brain wave therapy’ which also cost like 3 or 4 grand I think or 6 grand… it’s where they put these stickers on your head attached to cords and it’s supposed to send signals to your brain and change your brain wave patterns curing depression, anxiety, low confidence issues making you completely confident, cure add, ptsd… etc. it was multiple sessions I was supposed to walk out of there a completely changed person but instead I was exactly the same. So my mom again came to the conclusion that I sabotaged it and threw it in her face and didn’t ‘actually do it’ and make it work, even though I was in there doing everything I was supposed to. So she thinks these things didn’t work because I sabotaged it and blaming me that I didn’t really do it, instead of accepting the fact that it just didn’t work.

So I stayed the same and didn’t change like she wanted and my mom was VERY mad about it and would always bring it up randomly and scream at me saying she gave me all the tools to fix myself and i should be a completely different person now but I decided to take everything she gave me to ‘help’ myself and throw it in her face and decide not to do it.

She continues to blame me for this and just keeps saying the reason I’m doing so bad mentally is all my fault, and I could be completely changed if only I actually listened to her and really did it.