I think I worded the title terrible. So anyways, my boyfriend’s mother has been with her boyfriend for over a year now and they’re moving in. I always visit them and chat with his mom and stuff. So her current boyfriend has 2 kids— 7 years old and 12 years old. And my boyfriend HATES them. I think the way he has beef with kids concerns me.
Quick background of his mom’s new boyfriend: He is out of his 12-year marriage because his ex-wife was a drug addict and alcoholic. She was to the point she had to be put down. The kids didn’t have a proper upbringing after being abused and stopped going to school (for 3 years) because the dad couldn‘t send them. Basically, the father had to bring them to work because he had no one to help him and he would make them use an iPad To distract them.
Currently, they lack discipline. They would leave dinner table after 5 minutes, they wouldn’t clean their plates, they would go on their iPad from morning until night, they would bite their food and leave 2/3 of the food left. But I am observing that the dad just lets them be. Crazily enough, he would put toothpaste for them before they brush their teeth. They would do that and the dad wouldn’t say anything. He would say “it’s okay I’ll get it for them” everytime.
So this PISSES my boyfriend off. He would shade the kids and say they’re so lazy and lack discipline. He would rant about the kids to his friends, etc. I just feel so uncomfortable that he rants about literal kids who had an upbringing not knowing what is right or wrong. Especially with a dad who isn’t even trying to discipline them. My boyfriend would also get mad that they’re on their iPads 24/7. I just think it’s because they see it as an escape of the issues they had before.
I just keep telling him to be aware of their situation but I don’t want to say much because it’s his family issues. I come from a strict family so I know what tough love is growing up but I don’t see a reason to be aggressive to two boys who most likely need therapy from the past trauma. Furthermore, I have a feeling he could also be jealous that his mom is focusing her attention on the new kids more and is projecting. But who knows.
So I don’t know, what are your thoughts? I want kids one day so this is a bit icky.
TLDR: Boyfriend hates his mom’s new kids, kids grew up terribly, he still doesn’t really care and rants about kids to everyone. I find it odd an adult will have beef with children. What are your thoughts?
2 comments
Wait sorry what do you mean she had to be put down? Like…divorced? Or? Put down like you would an animal…? You can’t put someone down for being an addict…I hope?
Also I think your idea that he is projecting might be correct. It’s understandable that he’s frustrated seeing how these kids act. I won’t deny that. However you are completely right they have been through a lot. Is he cruel to them or does he just complain about them to other people? If he just complains about them to other people then that is a good way to deal with the frustration. He is entitled to his feelings. As long as he doesn’t express any of this to the kids themselves.
Does he live with them? If he does, it makes sense that they get on his nerves. Id also understand the ranting. The children obviously need some sort of help. If he lives with them, that means he takes the brunt of their bad behaviour, has to take care of them to at least some extent, yet, because he is not the parent, he can’t do anything about their behaviour. It would make sense that he would be frustrated. The only thing he can reasonably do is to vent to other people about them.