I (F 22)broke up with my boyfriend (M 21) because he threatened to break up with me

45 comments

1. So many red flags here and all of them point towards him being an abusive and controlling partner, so I suggest staying far away from any relationship with this dude. Especially for that “you need to listen to me and listen to me good” line, that’s a huge red flag for being manipulative and abusive.

2. He sounds controlling. You are better of without someone who wants to run your life and make decisions for you.

3. Do not, under any circumstances allow this walking red flag abuser back into your life.

   Controlling what you wear, what you post, who you talk to is problematic enough, add in the psychological torture of the “,I’ll leave if you don’t give in…..” Is more than enough reason to stay the hell away from him

4. I wouldn’t get back together with this guy. He’s manipulative, controlling, unreasonably jealous, and apparently even takes things out on you even when it’s something innocuous that other people do.

   I would definitely not get back together with him, ever. You did the right thing by dumping him, and I personally think you should keep doing the right thing by not letting people like this into your life.

   Edit: and yes, it very much sounds like he has abusive tendencies. What he’s doing is emotional abuse.

5. w ……. because you won w/ your actions. Nice move and good for you for not putting up with it anymore. I’m sure you feel free!

6. Do NOT give this horrible man another shot.

7. sounds like a disaster of a relationship. why did you wait 8 months to finally end it.

8. >No more threats, no more telling me what to wear, no more telling me what I can’t post, no more making me not talk to my friends, no more cussing at me and etc

   Yikes. **No, do not give in**. You 100% did the right thing calling this off. You made a *big* mistake putting up with all of the above for as long as you have. All that stuff you listed that he promises he will ‘change’? That isn’t the kind of behavior you can just turn off like a faucet. He might even *believe* that he’s going to change but there is no way on earth that it would happen overnight and it *certainly* won’t happen without *intense, long-term therapy* on his end to understand why he engages in those controlling behaviors and what he would have to undertake to change them.

   The point of dating someone is to see if you are compatible. When someone shows this many signs of being incompatible right from the get-go, you don’t respond to that by giving him more time. You cut your losses immediately and move on. You certainly don’t put up with toxic behavior for months on end in a *brand new relationship.*

   Think of it this way. You go out for ice cream with a friend. You decide to try a flavor you’ve never had before, which is cool! Always try new things! It sounds good and it looks good so why not. No harm, right? The clerk hands you your cone, you take a lick and – ew – no, not at *all* what you thought it was going to be. You take a few more licks, just to be sure but nope, definitely not your taste at all. Okay, no biggie, you gave it a shot. You huck it in the garbage and ask the clerk for a different one in a flavor you know you like and continue happily on your way.

   What you *don’t* do is *continue to eat the yucky ice cream* under some misguided idea that you *have* to give it a chance. Why? Why do you *have* to give it a chance?? You aren’t going to like every flavor in the entire world and it’s silly to think that you have to! If you don’t like something, it’s fine. It is not a big deal, just move on. But to not only force yourself to eat that first cone but then also buy *only that flavor* for months on end hoping – what? – that it’ll grow on you? That you’ll eventually like it enough to accept never having *any* other flavor *ever*? Why torture yourself?? Ice cream is supposed to be an enjoyable treat. Yeah you occasionally eat too much and feel ill or you might sometimes get brain-freeze so it isn’t *completely* without its perils but ultimately it should be a mostly-enjoyable experience.

   Stop forcing yourself to eat the yucky ice cream. Huck it in the bin and move on.

9. You did the smart thing. Don’t ruin it by doing the dumb thing, and taking him back. Stay smart and just block him on everything so you don’t have to hear his whining noise.

10. “you cant fire me I quit” but please stay away from him and find someone better.

11. “No more threats, no more telling me what to wear, no more telling me what I can’t post, no more making me not talk to my friends, no more cussing at me”

    These are all things an abuser does. Tells you what to do, slowly isolates you from your friends and family, so that they can continue their abuse.

    You are doing the right thing, do not ever look back!

12. Uh… he’s controlling insecure and leaning towards abuse. Up to you though. Maybe I’m wrong. But it seems unhealthy

13. don’t go back

14. Oof girl no consider yourself lucky and on to the next one

15. Omg he SUCKS! Block him! Good for you for cutting this cancer out of your life.

16. Hes definitely controlling on top of making threats so glad he’s in your past now.

17. You played the uno reverse card on him. Well done. Stay broken up. He’s a twat.

18. Got that’s some 14yo shit. He was warned so he’s not going to change now, maybe only long enough to win you back before he goes back to his old tricks. Think on whether you want to be 35 with two kids and unsure week to week if you’re going to become single and need to move out. It’s no way to live.

19. No more chances. I like how he listed out all of his shitty behavior…proving that he knows it’s shitty behavior but choses to do it anyway. Even putting his break-up threats aside, this other controlling behavior is more than enough reason to break up with him.

20. Sounds like you escaped some abusive narcissistic behavior and hes just trying to get you back so he can continue acting the same way till he breaks you. Been there done that and lost a good 4 years of my life. Move on you were right to break it off

21. Don’t do it.
    Stay broken up. He’s a muppet.

22. I am proud of you, shiny new spine! You know you deserve better 👑

23. Let him go. He played with fire. Let him stay burnt. If you take him back, you show that your words are meaningless. Let him go and live your live.

24. That’s so toxic and abusive of him, and I’m so proud of you for ending things, OP. He’s been threatening you, he’s been using himself as a hostage to silence you, he’s controlling and jealous to an aggressive degree, isolating you from friends- you deserve better, little noodle. Someone who doesn’t threaten to leave you over every little thing, someone who supports you wearing what you want, someone who doesn’t punish you – you deserve better.

    Please do not give him another chance. You gave him plenty of warning. He will not change, he will only escalate. The things you’ve listed here are incredibly concerning, and you do not ever need to give him a second chance. Don’t even hear him out- he odes not deserve it. You owe him nothing.

    Flourish despite him.

25. There are very slim chances to change his controlling behavior.

26. Look, your xbf is 21, going on 10 with respect to maturity. You’re too young to be “raising” an emotionally retarded guy; you have a life to live. After 8 months of dealing with his treats to end the relationship, you gave him fair warning about such actions. He decided to call your bluff, or more likely, indulged in a snit, and you followed through, and broke things off. EXCELLENT DECISION!!

    But, let me ask a question: is this the only time he’s sworn to you that “he can change?” I’m guessing the answer is no. If he coulda, he woulda. In the final analysis, you have to decide if, at your young age, you really have the time to live your life AND deal with such a childish personality.

    I wish you well.

27. Maybe he will learn from this fafo.

28. Good job. Stick to your guns.

29. >Now he is begging for me to give him another chance and telling me that he loves me and he swears that he will change.

    If you believe that I have a *lovely* bridge for sale!

    >I can’t help but feel I should give him another shot

    #NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

30. Good for you. He attempted to control you and didn’t let him!

31. He sounds like a controlling asshole, block him and don’t give him another thought

32. As a wise man once said, “Fucked around and found out.”

33. 1. It was completely reasonable for you to break up with him for that.
    2. He will never fully respect you if you take him back.

34. This is how it’s supposed to work. You date a shitty partner or two in your early 20s, learn red flag behavior, become totally fucking EXHAUSTED with red flag behavior, break up, and then never put up with this BS again. You’ve LEARNED. Well done. A+.

35. He’s a factory of red flags. Just reading the extensive list of everything he did wrong and didn’t “let” you do made me exhausted and I’m not even living in this situation. A guy so controlling will never change! Yes he’s lying to you, he will tell you whatever just to gain control over you again, he doesn’t see you as a person but an object to possess and control! Just block his number forever and block him in whatever social media you have. And for your next relationship, as soon as someone tells you that you can’t wear something or that you can’t talk to your friends or that you can’t post something… just end it right then and there. Real love is respect.

36. Use the lessons you learned in this relationship and apply them towards the next one. DO NOT get back together with this guy.

37. Good on you. You called his bluff.

    But don’t eve mistake what he is saying to you in the fallout as a reason to take him back. It is clear he is just love bombing you, saying whatever he thinks you want to hear. Wait a little while, when it is clear that isn’t working get ready for him to change tactics and start insulting and intimidating you again before claiming he never actually cared and you’re fat or whatever. All the colours of the toxic rainbow will show.

    I hope this lets you have confidence in knowing what you deserve moving forwards. Don’t humour toxicity hoping he will grow or change or whatever. You’ve seen it doesn’t work. If anything they just get more confident being toxic, right?

    You’re free. Time to go find a good relationship.

38. He won’t change, you did the right thing. Good for you!

39. Don’t go backwards

40. Good example of fuck around and found out. Don’t take him back… you don’t need to raise a man-child and teach him manners.

41. He’s been doing this manipulative shit all along. Most decent guys never do it. You can do much better.

42. Good for you, took me a while at your age to be fed up with the shit. You did great. Stick to your word.

43. You’d be a fool to take him back.

    Btw, what’s “w” mean?

44. good, now never get back to him and you are better off

45. I love this for you.
    Nah any man (or woman) who threatens to leave when you fight is ✨️ emotionally manipulative ✨️ and it is great you removed yourself from this situation now. I wish I had been as wise as you at 22.